I've done something really stupid

[MayimBialik]

I've been ready to stop BFing for a while now and my nearly 13month old DS hasn't fed in the day for a while now and was only feeding at night. This was really getting me down as he'd got into the habit of doing it for up to an hour once or twice a night. Exhausting and frustrating as I know he was using me as a dummy. Anyway from Friday last week DH and I decided to start to work towards stopping it and when he woke up at night he went into him and comforted him until he went back to sleep. This worked really well for 2 nights and after a bit of moaning he went back to sleep. However from the 3rd night (Sunday) he started waking up constantly and being inconsolable and screaming. We thought maybe he was not feeling well/teething and pushed through it, and again the night after that and the night after that. DH was pretty much up all night with him. DS also started to refuse going down for his nap without a big screaming match.

Last night he woke up just before 3 and DH was with him for 2 hours before getting to a point where he was getting so frustrated (extremely sleep deprived) so I took over and DS was the desperately trying to get me to feed him and I gave in . I felt so bad for him and after that he was so content. Nearly a week I went and then undid all the work DH had put in. I have loved feeding DS and so proud of myself for feeding him for a year but I really need to stop as the night feeds are exhausting me and I work 3 days a week. I've now sent a mixed message to DS and we'll have to start from scratch.

Am I being cruel stopping the night feeds though? Am I psychologically damaging him? I honestly things were coming to a convenient, natural end but clearly not.

I don't feel that you are being cruel stopping the night feeds, you have done a super job to have fed for the time that you did. I am very sorry to hear that you are upset at feeding relapse, don't be too hard on yourself. Just have to try again when you feel capable and focused. You will get there in the end. My ds stopped a little later than your lo, I was booked to go away on a survival weekend with a friend, so xh offered him water on the first night and after that ds didn't bother.

Good luck and hope that you and your dh get an unbroken nights sleep soon.

You haven't 'given in'. You have responded to the needs of a young baby who was desperate.....:(

It's not undoing 'all' the work your dh did, at all. You have learnt that he can go back to sleep without a feed if necessary, but honestly, to me it sounds that this is not a good time to push it to the full extent of dropping all the night feeds. If you can't be consistent and do it without upset to you or you and your ds, then maybe rethink?

One compromise is to feed him when he wakes but do the minimum needed to settle him. Try that for a few nights. So when his eyes start to flutter asleep and the sucking and swallowing stop - gently and swiftly put him down.

Read the 'No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley - I think she has this minimum feed thing as well.