Remind me why I'm doing this

[ab00]

I really, really need some words of wisdom & support to keep me going.

Ds2, now 8.5 months is bf, won't take a bottle or dummy, never has. At 8 weeks he was diagnosed with silent reflux & has had issues with reflux on & off (but more on than off tbh). Illness & teething make it worse & result in him hanging off me for hours at a time.

Since starting solids he's also had issues with constipation, really bad, painful, screaming to pass a rabbit dropping constipation. Again only mummy will do.

2 weeks ago we had a kind of 'crisis' meeting with the hv as his reflux had flared & was waking every 45 minutes, taking 1hr to settle only to wake quickly after & on & on it went. Coupled with the constipation for which we'd had lactulose & senokot it was all hideously miserable.

HV was good & recommended trip back to gp to get reflux & constipation sorted & to try dairy free diet in case that was the underlying cause. Great. Gp has him back on ranitidine & now movicol. He started to settle, I had a glimpse for 2 - 3 days of how easy bf could be then bam! He got a stinking cold last Wednesday.

He has been really poorly with it, temperature, streaming nose, the lot! He has basically spent 90% of every night since feeding or needing to be cuddled & rocked. Today he has been put on antibiotics for a chest infection. Ds1 is also full of cold so dh is in & out of his room like a yoyo.We are also having a stressful time at home on top of this.

I came up to bed at 10.45pm & so far have had 30 minutes sleep. I know none of this is his fault, he's poorly, even his little cry is all croaky! I feel devastated that the first 8.5 months have been so miserable & painful for him & like it's somehow my fault & I've let him down. I'm exhausted with no end in sight to the endless night feeding at the moment. At times I've really questioned my decision to bf & was this The right thing to do. I'm seriously lacking motivation to carry on bf or find much positive to say about it. All his medication is aimed at ff babies or would be easier to give a ff baby, not a bf who hates spoons & syringes.

Please motivate me. I'm fast approaching breaking point.

Thank you for taking the time to read all that.

Didn't want to read and run - un MN hug to you

FF is an option, of course it is. Would it stop constipation? Not at all, it would probably make it worse.

He's got a cold - it's a shitty time for him and you. Right tonight off as low low day and start a fresh tomorrow. It won't all get better instantly but you are doing a brilliant job as a parent so keep going

Don't doubt your choices, your ds will be thankful for the commitment you gave to bf when he's older.

You sound far more experienced than me but wanted to offer support... Though usually in these cases it takes me so long to post that eight other's come before me.
You really are doing the best for him, not let him down at all! So sorry you have both struggled immensely but you're coping admirably! It's ok to make changes too if you want... I'd be tempted I'm sure. But he'll be getting so much comfort and goodness from you. Hope that's what you want to hear.
I always like to remember my HV telling me DS sees me as a goddess no matter what. Not really relevant but true for you as well.

You poor thing. It sounds awful and you're obviously having a really bad run of things.

It's so hard to be a mum when you're in the middle of a really shit time and it's so relentless. I was really low over the summer hols with my 3DC at home, stuck in the house for most of it as DS had chicken pox and have it to DD who was only 3 months. She developed cellulitis and ended up in hospital for a week. Deep, dark days and at the time it was horrendous. I suppose 'tomorrow is another day' became a bit of a mantra, that and knowing that at some point things would get better and I cried loads and was basically an exhausted mess.

Remember 'this too will pass' and try and cling onto those few good days you had as once everyone is feeling better that's how things will be.

Don't be too hard on yourself as it sounds like you're doing an amazing job

OP its so much harder BF DC2 than DC1 isn't it! I've got my own thread to write.

Have you tried co-sleeping? I know someone will flame me for suggesting it, but if done properly you can minimise the risk. The best bit about it is you lay down next to each other, little feeding demon clamps themselves on, you fall asleep, they fall asleep, they slide off. If they wake again tit is mm away and they stuff it back in with minimal fuss.

I feed DC2 like this every night and most times I transfer him to his crib once he's nodded off.

He doesn't like dummies either, in the day I use one of those light and sound projectors which drowns out his fussy settling helps soothe him to sleep.

I try not to pick him up unless he's genuinely upset.

My DC1 has dairy allergy its tough, I put her on soya formula at 6 months as trying to eat dairy free was so hard, I could never be 100pct I got it out of my milk. If I even had the smallest amount she would get reflux.

It took a proper battle of wills and angry crying from her before she finally relented and took a bottle. Oh I think about an hour of it before hunger got the better of her and she drank from the bottle. I'd been trying every other approach for weeks beforehand.

Good luck

So sorry you're having a rough time of it.

Has cranial osteopathy been suggested to you for the reflux? I often see it recommended on here. It could help with constipation too.

Do you use a sling? They can be handy when baby is clingy/sick/should be sleeping

Forgot to say DD1 was happy on soya formula, probably more so than my milk. Only because I could not guarantee mine was dairy free. But I would wait for a proper diagnosis before switching. Our dietician says dairy allergy is often given as a wrong diagnosis for many things.

For his cold I would really strongly suggest rubbing a generous amount of Vicks on the soles of his feet and then putting socks on at bedtime, it has helped my daughter and many friends babies to sleep better with a cold!!

Thank you all for your kind words. I've had 2hrs sleep with him in bed hanging off me cuddled up to me. He's now sleeping on the feeding pillow across my lap as I dared to try to put him in his cot.

His feeding is definitely all about comfort & whilst it's lovely that I can comfort him, even just with a cuddle, like no one else it's bloody exhausting & draining. It would be lovely to have a break but even dh isn't good enough! As he himself said ds will 'tolerate' him in the day, on his terms of course, but at night? Only mummy will do.

I'd love to get him to take a bottle but he never has. Even at around 4 months when I went to the hairdressers for a couple of hours & left him with dh he point blank refused. And that was expressed milk!

We did cranial osteopathy after his tt was snipped & it seemed to help while he was having it but then we quickly went back to square one.

Somebody else said about vicks on the feet but I was worried it would burn the way deep heat does?

Stepmooster how did you get the dairy allergy diagnosis?

Thank you all for your kind words. I've had 2hrs sleep with him in bed hanging off me cuddled up to me. He's now sleeping on the feeding pillow across my lap as I dared to try to put him in his cot.

His feeding is definitely all about comfort & whilst it's lovely that I can comfort him, even just with a cuddle, like no one else it's bloody exhausting & draining. It would be lovely to have a break but even dh isn't good enough! As he himself said ds will 'tolerate' him in the day, on his terms of course, but at night? Only mummy will do.

I'd love to get him to take a bottle but he never has. Even at around 4 months when I went to the hairdressers for a couple of hours & left him with dh he point blank refused. And that was expressed milk!

We did cranial osteopathy after his tt was snipped & it seemed to help while he was having it but then we quickly went back to square one.

Somebody else said about vicks on the feet but I was worried it would burn the way deep heat does?

Stepmooster how did you get the dairy allergy diagnosis?