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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

constantly battling those closest

20 replies

cindyrella · 10/12/2013 15:49

I am so sick of mum and dp constantly putting ebf down.

Mum this morning in response to my telling her my dd was crying at the breast & refusing to drink... "maybe its time to give her REAL milk"
WTF mum...formula is not real! Breast milk is.
"oh, well she obviously is ready to drink from a bottle now" NO! Argh! She was over tired.

Then dp this afternoon when dd wont sleep
gives her expressed milk after she already fed & she drank 40ml so i am clearly not producing enough. And if i cant express lots, it means she cant get enough when bf. Wont listen to fact she is.more efficient than pump.

Bf is hard enough without battling those close to you.

Moan over.

OP posts:
NotQuiteCockney · 10/12/2013 15:51

You can suggest she call one of the helplines, if she is that concerned? The helplines folk are happy to deal with interfering grandmothers ...

didireallysaythat · 10/12/2013 16:00

Expressing is hard I think.

I bf for 5 months, exclusively for the first 3 months (I went back to work at 4 months). During that period when I'd like to think that bf was really working for the both us, I managed to express about 10ml max. And it took over an hour.

Sounds like you are doing great. Stick with it. It is I fear the first thing about motherhood that noone ever tells you. Everyone has a view about how you should do something, and you can't please them all. Or even some of them. As long as you are feeling ok with things.

Twinnies10 · 10/12/2013 16:01

Oh I've been there, still getting it from some and ds is over 4 months old, just persevere if that's what you want, my sister was the worse even yesterday was told I'd better get finished before Xmas so I can have a good Xmas!! I just smile and nod now, I do give the occasional bottle now (dh wore me down), just keep going, maybe go to a meeting if you can just toget some outside support, I found that really helped

Original poster
cindyrella · 10/12/2013 16:22

Thats the thing...my dp wearing me down too. Why? Why not support..esp when its best for dd & i WANT to. Everyone so quick to put u off.

OP posts:
Shellywelly1973 · 10/12/2013 16:27

Smile & nod!

My sister is still feeding her dd...she's 2.4. My sister really struggled but now feels 'weird' about still feeding her dd. She lied to our mum the day & told her she'd stopped bf- so sad! I really feel for her as I was the only person who supported her. Yet she's still bf.

My sister is my hero!

Shellywelly1973 · 10/12/2013 16:29

Cindy people perceive it as being unnecessary. Our mother considers ff superior to bf. My bil used to really go on at my sister but I reminded her he could do the night feeds too if dn was ff. He soon shut up!

NumNumChristmasPudInMyTum · 10/12/2013 16:36

I feel your pain OP. My mother does this to me constantly. She thinks it's very odd that I still breastfeed at 12 months. She uses it as a stick to beat me with when I say I need a break - she can't possibly have him, he's too attached to me, and how will she feed him. I've tried explaining. I just repeat it's WHO advice to feed to 24 months and repeat as necessary. Fortunately DH supports it, but that can be a double edged sword!

tiktok · 10/12/2013 16:40

Remarks and put downs like this shouldn't be tolerated. Time to grow a backbone.

How about:

Grandma: that's baby's crying....she needs a bottle inside her.
You: I'm sorry - I take that remark as a criticism of my choice. Please don't say anything like that again....is that ok?
Grandma:(offended) I was only trying to help...
You: I realise that. It's not helpful. OK?

it may sound rude, but undermining comments are much, much ruder.

Getting this sort of thing sorted now makes life in the future much easier. There's bound to many occasions where other people have views that clash with you. But with your great new hardass attitude, they won't show it :) :)

Your dp just doesn't understand about feeding, let alone bf. Not sure what to do about him, sorry. He clearly doesn't have a clue.

yourcruisedirector · 10/12/2013 16:51

Poor you!

Expressing is nothing like feeding, you have to train up to express too. I had to leave DD for 4 days when she was 16mo and still feeding a lot. I couldn't express a drop in the mornings but was in agony all day with engorgement and could express loads at night. It's all very hormonal so the stress won't be helping Hmm

We're still going at nearly 24 months. I ignored all comments whenever possible (my parents were bombarded with adverts about the superiority if formula so of course they somehow still doubt BM). I would just shrug and say that the more I feed her, the more milk I'll make, so we'll level out. And they go through massive developmental leaps so chances are the fussiness might be related to that.

Just try to look at all comments as a misguided attempt to suggest something, anything, to help out.

Original poster
cindyrella · 10/12/2013 17:15

Oh dont you worry tictoc...I put her in her place! Told her I would never give up bf in favour of ff.

OP posts:
Original poster
cindyrella · 10/12/2013 17:17

...Aye shes at 12 weeks so fussiness may be growth spurt or development leap.

OP posts:
Creamtea1 · 10/12/2013 19:21

My dd is 12 weeks and have already been told by my mum comments along the lines of not long to go, you can give her baby rice in a couple of weeks!! (Errrm no!)
You just have to have faith in yourself and keep it all inside and know that you have done really well. Generally the mums want the grand kids to have bottles so they can 'have a go'.

yourcruisedirector · 10/12/2013 19:23

Ah yes I remember it well! Have you looked at the Wonder Weeks book? A lifesaver for me at a similar sort of age. There's an app too.

Original poster
cindyrella · 10/12/2013 19:57

No i've not heard of wonder weeks...ill check it out

My Mum is overseas creamtea so luckily she's restricted to skype

Was just laughing with dp... when dd was a couple weeks old & crying ... mum suggested i go get my milk tested! TESTED? What for? She couldnt tell me!

Haha we now jokingly call it my manky milk though not in front of her.

OP posts:
TheABC · 10/12/2013 20:11

OP, I have had this too,from my MiL and DH. They realise it's non negotiable now and DH is actually quite supportive after I gave him the literature to read. It helps that DS is following the 75th growth percentile to the dot so I just bring out the red health book if anyone starts twittering.

IMO, there is a lot if misinformation out there and our parents generation were not necessarily told or supported to breastfeed. Cold boiled water in between feeds, baby rice at three months, breastfeeding the reason for night warnings...I am just collecting these gems now for posterity.

Happydaze77 · 10/12/2013 20:18

OP, you're doing great, despite what your nearest and dearest may say.

A breastfed baby will nearly always accept additional milk from a bottle, even though they've just fed, as it's basically just flowing into their mouth - if that makes sense? It is absolutely not an indicator that she is still hungry and you're not making enough for her. Neither is the amount you pump an indicator. But you probably knew all that anyway. I just wanted to send my support. Keep strong!

Oh and, with regards to sleep: it's been shown that, overall, breastfed babies sleep better than formula fed babies.

catellington · 10/12/2013 20:49

I have similar comments very often and know how irritating it is. I'm bf dd nearly 10 months.

Only this week my DM passed on a suggestion from my DSisIL and db that cartons of ready prepared formula are really convenient and I should try them. I was so confused as I didnt ask for feeding advice and I thought they know I bf......I just said I had no idea what was more convenient than my own supply ... I was quite annoyed! I said to DM why didn't you remind them I bf and she said she didn't know, which is a bit worrying as she looks after dd two days a week and I think she ought to know by now that we are carrying on bf. I wonder if it's the beginning step in her saying she disapproves if i carry on too long?

Mil said to me ages ago she doesn't agree with bf after about '9 months or so' I said we are going to have to disagree then.....

I really don't get it! I wouldn't dream of criticising someone else's choice!

Is it a generational thing?

AmandaCooper · 10/12/2013 22:15

Poor MIL has lost a lot of sleep over the past nine months worrying herself silly about poor undernourished DGS. He does have a bit of formula occasionally now I am back at work and I know she is relieved. She is visibly torn between wanting to support my decision to breastfeed and worrying that breastmilk is nothing like as nutritious and nourishing as formula and DS is not getting the best start. Formula marketing is incredibly powerful.

NoComet · 10/12/2013 22:29

I'd pick up the baby and my car keys and leave if DMIL or DM told me how to feed my baby and DP would get a massive mouthful too.

Tell him next time he says one undermining word, any formula and bottles in the house are going in the bin and if he says anything he's following them.

And hide the breast pump, they are the devils work (and far too much effort to sterilize)

Alternatively, I could just send DD2 who BF until she was in juniors to have a word with them.

Honestly establishing BFing is hard work, why on earth people feel the need to interfere I can't imagine.

AmandaCooper · 11/12/2013 08:45

My breast pump has been an invaluable piece of kit why do you say they are the devil's work??

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