addicted to breastfeeding

[PrunellaDeVille]

ds is 1 and i'm ready to stop BUT i like it, it's easy for me, it's an instant fix for tears and upsets and getting him to sleep. Every time we seem to be getting somewhere something crops up and i think 'oh just this once won't matter' and come up with a good excuse why.
i know it's no bad thing for him to continue but the time has come to stop, just not sure how to stop...

How often is he feeding Prunella?

i've cut him back to morning and evening but it's nap times particularly when i find myself folding from his pestering and lack of sleeping

Why do you think you should stop? It doesn't sound like you're really sure you want to from what you've written in your post.

it really doesn't sound like you want him to stop.

are you being told by people you know that he shouldn't be feeding now?
the World Health Organization recommends to feed to 2yo and beyond.my own dd is two next week and she feeds at least 4 times in the day and a couple of times at night.

and yes, of course it's a quock fix for sleep, upset, anger, hunger, thirst. that's what it'z designed for

think about if it's other people saying it and do what's best for your family

It sounds to me like you don't want to stop. Can you wait and see how you feel in a few months?

BF is recommended for a minimum of 2 years, so you have time yet!

I do love the closeness of bf ds and I would like to think we could just cut back and it not be a problem but he's such a demanding milk fiend that I feel if we don't stop entirely he'll weedle his way back to more and more.
I have asked my mum and mil to help me and they have been more hard nosed about it than I would have been if going it alone but they're only supporting me in sticking to my decision.

I don't get why you're worried about him wanting more though?

I'm sorry if I sound out of line, I don't want to interfere with your decision, it just sounds like you don't want to stop.
have you other reasons for stopping? like someone has told you it's too lkng/he's too old or are you going back to work etc?
if it's because you want to stop for you, then it's all good, I just hope you aren't feeling pressured into it by other people./

Are you me? :)
DS 14 months and have never bf this long, but this one is not a good sleeper and bf is getting me through that unscathed.
By 18 months, I keep telling myself...!

Like other posters have said, it sounds to me like you don't really want to stop. If you are just doing a morning and evening feed, and a nap-time feed, is that manageable for you? I guess what I'm saying is, if you like it, and you're only doing three feeds a day which fit into your daily life pretty well, then why not carry in as you are for now? They change so much at that age that within a few months he might be happy to drop the nap time feed too. I've recently stopped feeding my dd (now 2y8m) and there were times when I thought she would never NOT want to feed! But between us we dropped the feeds gradually. I do think it's important to do it when you want to, not when other people think you should stop, otherwise you might wish you hadn't. Plus it's such a miracle cure-all for baby colds and bugs that I definitely wouldn't want to stop at this time of year, hang on another few months!

I want to give up too, I am waiting for DS to buy into the idea, not happening though, still they tell me he will have stopped before college.

I think maybe I haven't explained myself well.

trouble is I wanted to explain using the analogy of giving up smoking, as I see so many crossovers, but was paranoid I'd get flamed for likening bf (such a positive thing) to such a horrid thing.

but here goes .

I have enjoyed bf but it is causing me difficulties now and i'd like to cut down drastically rather than give up all together, just like i would have liked with cigarettes, however I keep cutting back to once AM, once bedtime, then keep finding exceptional circumstances (sickness, teething, having been apart, mixed up routines etc) to allow extra feeds thinking that it's just this once and it won't escalate again but it always does. I find myself being demanded of all day and all night - give an inch and he'll take a mile....
these similarities to quitting smoking are why I state it seems that I'm addicted to bf. and it's my own fault for being weak willed and I console myself that I do it because I like it but I really don't so much anymore

the reasons i DO want to give up are:

1. it no longer settles him through night wakings but rather keeps him up suckling and wriggling for hours on end.

2.I can't be with him all day anymore as I sometimes have to work (don't want to express).

1. he's started ripping at my clothes whenever he fancies a suckle
2. he fights and scratches so much I just can't bear it anymore - he's so strong now

so kind mumsnetters I need advice - is it possible to just cut down or will my 'addiction' lack of willpower get the better of me? could anyone recommend some sources of advice? are there books on the subject?

I have done exactly what you said in your last post. Down to 2 feeds a day unless he is sick. He is totally night weaned for the reasons you said. It is totally possible, look at the no cry sleep solution. It worked really well.

Sorry I just wanted to say if you are not 100% sure you may want to carry on for a bit longer? The reason I say this is that it was the only thing that got us through a very difficult few months (around 15-16 months). By the time she was 18-19 months she was able to be distracted more and not be so clingy/needy for feeds.
I night weaned at 2 (gently) and thought I could have done it earlier. What a difference it made to our feeding relationship!

Well he will stop on his own eventually so I don't think you need to worry about it as an "addiction" - it's certainly not unhealthy or bad for you OR him so why worry about it?

It's difficult to advise without knowing what the reasons are that you say it's causing problems for you - most medication issues, for example, can be worked around (There is a database and helpline you can consult) or if it's the perceptions of others, that's personal choice, but in the end if it's working for you then it's none of their business. Fertility tends to return if you are breastfeeding by about 18 months ish and this is the cause of "natural family spacing". It is possible, and safe, to breastfeed during pregnancy. Night wakings are unlikely to be affected by feeding status, and can be improved without reducing BF.

I would say if the problems are utterly insurmountable and you cannot get round them then it probably would be better to cut it off completely as you are finding it difficult to cut down. But I am finding it hard to imagine what the problem would be - I totally get it's your right not to say, BTW! - I just think it would be sad if you stopped before you wanted to because of a reason that wasn't necessarily true, if you see what I mean.

Oh, FFS, I am SO blind. I didn't even notice your reasons were in the last post.

OK, the majority of those I am afraid do pretty much come with the territory, but you can start to introduce "nursing manners" - you teach him a word (preferably a neutral one like "milk" rather than "booby"!) and every time he starts pulling at your clothes you say "No, say milk please". As soon as he says "milk please" and stops pulling at your clothes then you feed him. Once he gets the hang of that then he should realise that the pulling at clothes makes no difference but he needs to ask, and he should stop pulling.

Secondly, if he is fighting and/or scratching, keep nails short, take his other hand out of your clothes and/or stop the feed and look at him and say "Sit nicely then" and only finish the feed if he is behaving properly.

With working, you should find that your breasts automatically adjust to not feeding on particular days. He's definitely old enough to manage the day without a feed, even if he usually feeds a lot in the day. Honestly this sounds mad, but it's totally fine. You don't need to express (I'd be surprised if you still can anyway, most women can't at that stage).

As for night wakings, DS went through that phase and it drove me MAD. I think he was hungry, assuming BF would fill him up but it didn't, but he was half asleep so he was just - uhhhhh, more mummy milk, which didn't help. He'd be feeding on and off for hours and then sit up at 2am and sign "breakfast". People called me insane, but I just started keeping snacks near the bed - nothing bad, just a small bread roll type thing or a sandwich or some toast or rice cakes. The crumbs were insane, but he went back to sleep! And no, at the age of 5 he does not wake up at 2am and demand a sandwich. In fact, he grew out of this phase a few months later and never asked for food in the night ever again.

I think your body is telling you something

And, IME, they definitely grow out of the embarrassing behaviours by about 16 or 18 months. It's just an awkward in between age where they look "too big" to lots of people to be feeding, but they don't understand that you want them to keep it quiet!

bertie - we've done that too, snacks at the bedside table. yoghurt covered raisins aren't messy