Bad latch is it my fault?

[BeanoNoir]

Ds is 18 weeks and feeding is going really badly. He always takes over an hour to feed, falling asleep a lot at the breast.

His latch either slips to lips just around the nipple, or if I manage to get his latch nice and deep he pushes away with his hands until he's just round my nipple.

He's feeding every 2 hours day and night and has been for about 6 weeks. I'm obviously getting next to no sleep and feel like it's starting to affect me mentally/emotionally. I also have a two year old to look after.

Hv has suggested topping up feeds with formula. He will take between 1 and 5 oz after a feed. But still feeding so frequently. Last night he was in bed at 9 I was up at 11, 1, 3, 4.30 and 6.30 this morning - and that was quite a good night. I try and bf for as long as possible before giving the top up but feel as if he would just bf forever.

I don't want to stop bf but I'm in tears and overtired all the time. Does anyone have any tips or is it time to go to bottles? I just wanted to breastfeed but it's been so hard this time.

Had posterior tt snipped at 8 weeks.

Thanks if you can help.

Beano, it's gonna be difficult for a talkboard, or a bf support group, to help you properly with this. I think you need real life face to face help with someone who knows what they are about, breastfeeding wise, and who doesn't clutch at (totally non-evidence-based) straws like your HV (your exhaustion has will not impact on the quantity of milk you are producing.

I would suggest an experienced breastfeeding counsellor (not a peer supporter - their training is great but it does not 'fix' long-standing and complex challenges like yours, or a good LC.

Your breasts sound normal - the softening you describe is normal.

His weight, growth, health and development I take it are normal.

So....what clues do we have here? You are topping up a lot - not only is it disheartening and time consuming to be feeding this way (at most feeds? With a baby who is feeding often? He may be taking large amounts and this will impact on supply, so he becomes less satisfied at the breast. He also clearly likes to suck and would bf forever if he could....if you get supply issues addressed, or rule them out, then I agree a dummy might be worth persisting with.

Would your partner help you settle him after a feed? Could you work out a way of making night feeds easier (not sleeping on the floor!!) ?

A bfc/LC would talk about why this behaviour started 6 weeks ago. If it was me talking with you, I'd ask what bf had been like up to that time, what formula he had had, when does he start sleeping and coming off and on....loads to ask and talk through.

Beano my (now toddler) had a very shallow latch and used to feed 2 hourly but had started to space it out a bit more by the age of your DS. I was on my knees by 12 weeks (also have older DS too). I can't imagine how you must be feeling now : (
He still has quite a shoddy latch now and kind of pushes away at the breast until he's less deeply latched. I don't have much advice I'm afraid. Have you tried taking him off every time he makes the latch more shallow? But him back on w a deeper latch and then when he pulls away take him off again - repeat ad infinitum until hopefully he starts to 'get' that the deeper latch is better?

No advice as such as I have many of these issues with my 18wo ds, so just sending supporty thoughts.
Your perseverance is admirable.

Don't think anyone has answered where you can get nipple shields from -places like Boots in with the baby stuff. They are inexpensive and helped me when my daughter bit me and I was in pain from that. Not sure about the effect on a latch, but worth a try.

Definitely sounds like tt is back I had a world of shit info on tt for years and 3 children. Everything you have described fits with the tt.

Shields definitely help with painful latch I found them an absolute godsend. Many women I know used them with no adverse effect the modern ones are thin silicon. That said if he is a slow feeder that might make him slower it was not an issue in my case. If you use shields you might like to try breast compressions as well.

Personally I'd sooner formula feed than cosleep - or at least do mixed feeding. Do formula at night. DS may go a bit longer, but even if he doesn't, your DP can do a feed and you can get some sleep.

Every 2 hours sounds horrendous at 18 weeks. DD was down to every 3 hours by 4 weeks, and it was still knackering. I have no idea how you are surviving!

Sympathies, that sound very frustrating and exhausting - especially with another LO.

I had a similar situation at 9 weeks - DD suddenly breaking each latch to make it shallow which was painful and feeds took ages. I have a great HV who got me to slightly alter my position and that basically solved it. I felt I should have been able to figure it out - did research, called LLL etc - but as others have said having a good and experienced person look at you really helps. I feed rugby style and DD had grown so I needed to sit more forward and turn her on her side. Obviously each person will be different, but the change was effective but looked like nothing different iyswim.

I also baked lactation cookies. Not convinced they work on anything but a placebo level but my boobs felt fuller and leaked for the first time in ages. Also DD seemed more content with one side (which had been the previous pattern). Recipe: www.bellybelly.com.au/breastfeeding/breastmilk-supply-increase-breastmilk-lactation-cookie-recipe#.Upc-KmQgGc1

Hope you get a break / improvement soon.

It is entirely possible you don't have enough milk. I didn't with DD. BF consultant could find no explanation, there just wasn't enough. It is a myth that everyone produces enough.

Is there any way you could get even an air mattress (and blankets obv) for you in the baby's room? Or a bedside/clip on cot for DS in your room?

How about having your DH give bottles if DS wakes up from 1 am onwards, so you can get some sleep? Just to take the edge off the exhaustion for a bit?

Has DH tried giving him a dummy or is it just you? Sometimes a baby will accept a dummy from someone other than mum.

Does he nap at all during the day? Are you carrying him around a lot?