Breastfeeding aversion

[TicTacZebra]

I'm breastfeeding my 4 month old DS and my 2.3 year old DD.
Feeding DS is fine. No problems there.

I only bf DD at bedtime but I get these really horrible feedings when I'm feeding her. It literally makes my skin crawl and I dig my nails into palm ect to try and distract myself. It's only once a day and DD really enjoys the 5-10 minutes we get together before bedtime, so I dont want to stop.

I don't know what I'm asking really. Is there anyone else that has this? What did you do about it?

Oh god. I tried tandem feeding too. It was a disaster. I HATED it and poor ds1 was weaned pretty quickly. I think he was really upset about it but it was really freaking me out. He was 2 when dd was born.

So if you hate it, start telling your dd that it's going to stop in 7 days and count down. I did this with my dd and she sees to accept it pretty quickly after ds2 was born.

Good luck. I know who you feel and you never expected to feel that way.

yes truthsweet had/has this! and has managed to get through 4 kids, with lots of tandem feeding... i will see if i can search her out and get her to post

Hi TicTacZebra - bundaberg sent up a flare and here I am

Aversion is quite an awful feeling, isn't it? For me, the emotional guilt that accompanied the feeling of wanting to strip my skin off and run away screaming from my child(ren) made it all the worse.

Have you had it long? It can start during pg, certain times of the month, after a new baby is born or for who knows why (my current bout is, I suspect, down to my PND flaring up again). It might help you to track if it's worse at certain times if it fluctuates in intensity.

BUT, it doesn't need to be the end of bfing if you'd like to carry on. There are techniques you can try to see if it makes the aversion feelings lessen.

Distraction - reading, playing on your phone, calling a friend, etc

Limitation - Explain to your DD you'll nurse for X time - count down from 10, the time it takes to read a children's book, sing a song, hourglass, wind up toy, etc - this can give you something to focus on as well as giving you a clear end to look forward too.

Immersion - conversely, really focusing on your DD bfing might help as then the sensation of her nursing has your full attention rather then being a peripheral (yet all encompassing) annoyance.

Relaxation - You may find your nursing aversion worse if you are stressed or if you have other calls on your time (I found nursing an older sibling really 'eurk' if the younger one needed me [or I felt the needed me]) so taking a moment before bfing to 'centre yourself' may help.

Sorry I don't have a definitive answer but I really hope you find a way forward, be it a way to gently wean or a way to carry on.

All the best

I'm so glad I'm not the only one! It's such an indescribable feeling. You can't understand unless you've experienced it yourself.

It started during pregnancy, but seemed to go away for a while once DS was born. now it feels like it's getting worse! I feel really bad but I have to tell DD not touch me during the feed as I think that just makes it worse.

Thanks for the advice, I'll give some of the things a try. DS is always unsettled in the evening which makes it harder to put DD to bed as I feel rushed. So I suppose that could also be why.
Tonight I will get DP to help with bedtime, take my phone into DDs room and set a time limit to see if that helps. Actually that's just reminded me, with DS I get a let down within about 30 seconds but it takes ages with DD. Sometimes I don't get one at all. Do you know why this is?

Sorry to hear about your PND, truthsweet. hope you get back to normal soon.

Ooh I remember the feeling.

Get off. Get off. GetoffgetoffgetoffgetoffGetOffGETOFFGETOFF !

tbh the only thing that cured it was weaning.

Hope things work out for you.

I had this. It was horrendous and the reason I vowed I never to TTC whilst BF again. Having said that, a wise friend told me that it can be to do with being dehydrated and I seem to recall drinking lots of water helping a bit.

I lasted 9 months tandem feeding so I must have found some way to get through it. Good luck!

How are things today TicTac?

I'll try to drink more water today. I'm willing to try anything!

Thanks for asking truthsweet. Well last night didn't go too well as DP went out so he couldnt watch DS for me and I couldn't give DD my full attention. But I limited her to 5 minutes and I played about on my phone which did help a bit!

This is a known phenomenon - google D-MER for support and info.

Not saying this is def what you have, but it sounds like it.

Awful :(

Oh my tiktok I googled it and the link made me cry. I am both upset and relieved to find out what I had. When DD2 was 6 weeks old I remember tandem feeding in bed in the early hours and not being able to cope anymore. I just put a coat over my pjs and wellies on and went out and sat on a bench in the middle of the village and sobbed. I remember a truck going past and wondering if it would kill me if I ran in front of it & trying to appear "normal" to a dog walker in case I knew them from school.

I used get angry, upset and agitated and even shouted at DD1 sometimes & the guilt of that will stay with me forever.

Thanks for mentioning it and sorry to hijack. Amazing that it's a real thing. I'm off to tell DH.