I feel breastfeeding is not right for my family

[sabreuse]

I don't know what to do. It isn't the all night feeding. I'm ok with that. I'm ok with all of what it entails but not it's effect on my other children, turned one and three. My oldest is bored stupid abd my 1 year old has severe seperation anxiety. He screams constantly, if I leave tge room. He doesnt walk yet. We can't gp to any groups as she feeds every hour. My boy is so sad and it's tearing up at me inside:/ I'm so depressed about it:/ I want what's best for my baby but life seems unbearable;/

I rang HV's to see if I coykd get a visit regarding my 1 yr old but nothing for 6 weeks. I've been tp gp to discuss my feelings.

Everyone says it gets better but I can't stand seeing my little man so distressed. I have NO time to do anything with hI'm:/

Sorry for moan just feel so lost.

Poor you, it sounds like you're having a miserable time. What are you looking for here - advice for how to manage breastfeeding and having two older ones, or reassurance that it is ok to give up if you want to? Or help with the middle one? Or just a moan and some sympathy?

Tell us a bit more.

Wow, 1, 3 and I guess a newborn - OP you have quite a little following there, all at different ages making them demanding in their own way, so unfortunately it will be hard for a little while.

If you're uncomfortable feeding in public (and really baby and toddler groups are the sort of crowd who will have seen it all before), have you tried feeding with a cover, until you feel more confident? Your baby is tucked away under there, so you can chat to your 1yr old at the same time.

It is hard entertaining different ages at once but hopefully someone will have practical advice on that. But it sounds like you could do with a break regardless, just to recharge your batteries!

Didn't want to read and run. I don't usually post on bf discussions, but I'm sensing this is much more than about your choice of how to feed your baby. You sound overwhelmed with 3 pre-schoolers and that's no surprise.

Firstly, does your 3-yr-old spend any time at a nursery or pre-school? Are they eligible yet for the state funding for this? A few hours a day at a pre-school/nursery might help with the boredom and help you with the load.

Secondly, it is a big adjustment for your 1-yr-old so he is bound to act up and be extra clingy. Does your DP help? Can DP take the baby between feeds so you can have some time with your 1-yr-old? He will settle to the new set up eventually.

Thirdly, how old is the baby? Whatever type of feeding you choose, you need to get confident doing this anywhere. Do you have a friend you can go to for coffee and practise feeding there, so that you can then go on to a mums and tots group or something and feed there too? In these groups, people will not bat an eyelid about someone breast feeding, or can help you find/hold things while you bottle feed.

Also, can you get a sling and do babywearing, so that you can still play with DS2 while DC3 sleeps/snuggles in the sling?

I think there will be a way through this. What did your GP say when you went to talk about how you are feeling?

Sorry to post with nothing but a list of questions. Mainly I just wanted to say I feel for you as it is hard with 3 of that age.

Do what feels right for you, do you need to see the HV to decide?

What is the worst that will happen if you bottle feed your baby?

Your baby will get what he needs from a bottle.

With a bottle, someone else can feed the baby whilst you play with your toddler.

It might be a good idea to talk to your gp about it.

I guess I'm just overwhelmed. Hubby is fab but does long hours or works away. I use a sling but can't manage feeding her in it. My friends can't help as they have their own children. Tea time is awful. Screams from all. My 1 yr old gets put in his cot at 7 without barely a cuddle because by this time she is screaming once more fir food.

My three yr old starts nursery in Jan but I just don't see how I'll get them all out the house?!

I was hoping a hv might give me tips on helping my 1 yr old with his angst.

He can't walk so tot groups at moment with three seems impossible.

I have nothing against formula! AT ALL. So why do I beat myself up like this?

I guess I'm also just lonely too.

I have no qualms feeding in public. It isn't that. I've been assessed by a lactation specialist and she is feeding fine. Just hungry.

I don't know what I want from this post. just feel like everything is a mess.

i think seeing your hv/gp would be a good idea, as you do sound incredibly stressed (i know what it's like having a newborn and 2 other young kids! )

i also think it's easy to kind of lay the blame on the breastfeeding, when perhaps actually you'd still be overwhelmed regardless of how she was fed. if you switch to formula and she is still the same plus you have bottles to wash/sterilise/prepare it could feel even harder, although I absolutely appreciate that it would mean other people could help out with the actual feeds.

it's bloody hard having 3 small children, and it DOES get better, but again that doesn't help you much in the right here, right now.

do you have friends you can meet up with at soft play/library/park? if you're ok with feeding in public then it shouldn't really matter if baby needs feeding frequently... you and your friends can take it in turns to hold babies, follow older ones around, sit and chat...

I remember tea time was always my worst bit of the day too. I used to put the baby on my back in the sling, put tv on for eldest and the middle one would either watch tv too, or come in the kitchen with me and play with pots/pans/food on the floor.

if it's easier could you do their dinner midday and then just snacks in the evening to give you more time to do bedtime routines?

Wow Sabreuse it does sound like there's a lot of stuff to work out, maybe if you break it down it will be easier to deal with, one question at a time?

Getting around - if that's an issue it will make you very isolated, as you say you can't go to tot groups but I'd imagine that means going anywhere is a problem. Is there anywhere you could get a double buggy, even temporarily? Or second hand as I'd imagine they hold their value. I appreciate this still needs a cooperative 3 year old, my 2.5yo DD will hold onto her sister's pram and walk for 10 mins quite nicely, otherwise 1 and 3yo could go in the double pram and youngest in a sling for the short walk eg from car?

Dinner time - would the 1yo go in a baby bouncer/baby walker while you prepare food? Think at 1yo my eldest loved playing with all the food tins, spreading them around the kitchen or putting them into cupboards. 3yo could help fetch things/pretend to cook with you, or just watch the telly? I also started using a slow cooker after reading a few threads on here, it's such a help on a difficult day.

Sorry if this is all rubbish. If we can't offer helpful suggestions and you just want to vent, please do that, and we can listen!

And regarding feeding - it's really about what you want to do, if you actually want to bottle feed then go for it and that's the end of the matter, if you want to bf then there's no reason why you can't, as presumably there won't necessarily be someone there to help bottle feed, in which case you've just created more work for yourself (essentially what Bundaberg said).

FWIW my mother had us 3 close together, it was very hard work for her when we were babies but my sisters and I all appreciate the closeness we have as a result - so it'll all be worth it in the end!

Omg nightmare! Teatime always hard. Total flashpoint when it all goes haywire. Wld bottle feeding change that, I guess it might make her go longer but she might still want holding anyway?!

Omg its no surprise u feel lost and overwhelmed! Can u all just get into bed lol and read books for your older ones while u feed? Phone apps? Tv? Can u bring yourself to get the paint out? Blimey - that might b a step too far!

January it'll b easier with one out the way. Have u got a double buggy to get u all there?? I used to feel the panic rising before I left the house and once or twice I got everyone ready and then was like, sh**, I haven't fed the baby?! Cue feeding while holding buggy with one hand :0 omg I don't kno how I did it.

Be easy on yourself u have a lot going on just try to keep going. Tell them u love them and give them a cuddle, they will kno u do even if they r crying, we had lots of group hugs lol..

Oh and Fake it till y make it helped me get thru it!!

If u can get to playgroup it might help u to break up day. Or a walk round the block for an ice cream your
Three yr old will love.

In times of dire need I gave mine spoonful of jam to give me two minutes to breathe lol

How old is the baby?

I agree that formula feeding might not make all the difference you are hoping for, but only you can know all the details of your life to make the decision. I think that 3 under 4 is hard work and if you don't have support you might need some childcare.

I have just had dc3 and although I exclusively breast feed, I don't truely feed on demand but more in a gentle enforced routine. I have to do school runs and pick up dh from the station every day which is all done in the car which means I cant feed then so from very early on I have structured feeds around that. I feed and wind well before we go but simply cant once he is in his car seat, he has adapted well to this despite being born a tiny 4lb 11 oz.

When I had a toddler and a newborn last time round I found it easier to make lunch the main meal of the day as it was easier to get something hot and containing protein cooked then as the early evenings were filled with cluster feeding, clinginess from both and tiredness meant a greater likelihood of toddler tantrums.

Can you go to a baby clinic and talk to a HV there? Our local children's centre does one and the workers there are always happy to play with the children, especially if you are taking a sibling group to clinic.

How's things today?

I've just seen this, I hope you're ok today. I could have written your OP 2 years ago. A high-ish needs baby and 2 other children demanding attention all the time! You've had some good advice on this thread - my survival tactics including 'very easy' teas like fish fingers and oven chips, frozen veg or beans/jacket potatoes that needed virtually no cooking (just arranging!) and I'm afraid loads of TV/DVDs and when I had the energy walks with the buggy. 2 years on and everyone is doing fine! The baby stopped being so clingy as soon as she could crawl (!) and everyone else settled down too, it was such a big adjustment for them too. x

Feeding earlier in the evening, reading stories, TV time for kids, friends over, out for a walk whenever possible and getting someone in to help out with cleaning all were strategies I employed on number 3. How old is the baby no doubt the first months are hard but when it gets easy, it gets very easy. You have my total sympathy.

Hi there

I feel for you. I had to stop bf my nearly 5month old when she was 5 weeks as v bad latch due to posterior tongue tie-I beat myself up something awful about it.

I have 4 yo son & teatime is I the worst. Switching to formula I don't think makes any difference time wise tho you may find it helps you in other ways, so you need ways to lessen stress/improve efficiency. These are things that help me.

Making 'packed lunch' night before for ds-big bottle of juice, some fruit/sarnies/cheese cut up & in fridge.

Having a hot meal at lunchtime for kids & packed lunch at earlyish teatime when he can sort himself leisurely.

Tea for me & dh-pizza, take away or batch cooked stuff already in freezer.

If it's very early days have a mountain of snacks & huge bottle of water near you.

Also bringing all pjs etc downstairs in early avo to be ready for getting ready for bed.

What age is the baby? Until 5 months there's a lot of growth spurts. Hope you're ok x

hard for you with 3 little ones. good advice. I would stick with bf because making up bottles is another thing to do.

could he sit with you with baby and look at a cloth book.

I had a 19 month gap and 3 under 4 so I understand.

I only have one but tip from a friend is for DP to take the newborn for a walk just before dinner - hopefully he might then sleep through it in pram??

I'm no breast is best militant, but I started weaning DS onto formula at around 9 months in preparation for going back to work and I found formula feeding waaaay more of a ball ache than BF. For a start I'd got one-handed BF down pat but could never manage bottle-feeding with only one hand. If formula is best for you then go for it, but it sounds like feeding isn't the issue here. I second going to groups. People do go to groups with three under three. It's hard, but every time you manage it the next time is a little easier. Can anyone give you a hand the first couple of times?

It depends how often you are having to feed I had supply issues with DS1 so I was feeding constantly and I've said to myself I can't do that again with a 2 year old to look after! You sound amazing! You must do what is best for your family as a whole and happy mummy is very important