when is the ideal time to stop bf?

[pinkr]

I know guidelines say 2years but safe to say that doesn't appeal to me. I've ebf dd for 14 Weeks...horrendous at the start but I'd say we've got the hang now! In my mind I always had six months as my goal but as we get closer I wonder if its the right time or not. I'm not returning to work until August, won't express for various reasons, would like to be able to return to fitness classes without worrying about dd getting hungry, have no strong feelings about formula but not keen to mix feed at the moment, am worried about feeding longer and still doing nights as a lot of posts on here seem to be people who are unable to stop their little ones asking for milk in the night, love the closeness, would like dh to be able to look after her, hate having to not wear my favourite dresses, love the weight loss and the fact i'm lighter than before baby.
What would you/ what did you do?

I stopped at just over 10 months. It felt about right. I would have liked to make it to a year but teeth started to cause a few issues and then I got mastitis which was so horrendous I couldn't face it happening again.

Also (maybe slightly controversial) I didn't really like the idea of a toddler being dependent on breastfeeding - pulling at my top etc.

Sleep improved too when we stopped although you can't beat the convenience of breastfeeding in the night when they're tiny.

I stopped at around 7 months with ds1. mainly for selfish reasons- I wanted my body back and
wanted to be able to start going out and having a drink without al the faff of expressing.
I actually started mixed feeding from about 5 months and between 5-7 months just increased the ff and decreased the bf. I had b found bf very difficult to begin with and I felt a real achievement to bf for as long as I did. in hindsight I probably could have carried on a little while longer. don't underestimate the added expense of ff. however it felt right at the time.
in terms of exercise, I used to go to a Saturday morning class so it wasn't such an issue as I would go after bf.
I'm now on day 4 of bf with ds2 and will prob take the same approach again.

Just FWIW, and for future reference, you can totally go out and have a drink, or many, without all the faff of expressing, unless you're planning on going out on an absolute bender and passing out from booze. I don't think I'd have fed DS1 for as long as I did if I couldn't go out to the pub on occasion. Never left milk for him after six months or so as he was usually asleep after his bedtime feed and usually just wanted a cuddle if he woke before he got back, never "pumped and dumped" because it's basically pointless unless you're still out and so engorged it hurts. The amount of alcohol that gets into your milk from even a few drinks is miniscule.

Actually, I tell a lie, I have pumped and dumped but that was only because I was away overnight and didn't want to get ouchy boobs of doom.

It's such an individual decision, what is right for you may not be for someone else and vice versa.

My experience is, it is/was massively important to Bf, especially after 'failing' with my first 3 DC. However, it's also really important to me to have some time to myself/some down time. I wouldn't have been that happy with breast feeding for 14 weeks unless my baby took a bottle, for example, but I'm also happy to express. It was important to me not to give formula too.

I fed DD for 26 months, when she self weaned during my pregnancy. She was a bit clingy until about 10 months or so, but that's just normal for a child of that age, she was just as happy with DH as me, or, in fact, a good friend who she saw often and was minded by occasionally. She started sleeping through at 10 months, although I still fed her to sleep and would have continued night feeds if she wanted. Her Dad learnt to get her to sleep, either after a BF or with a bottle.

I went out drinking occasionally and had, erm... Rather a few blush I just left enough expressed milk for until around lunchtime the next day and got a lovely lay in while DH took care of DD until I was safe to feed again. She did want to feed if she saw me, so I avoided seeing her on hungover mornings until she was a bit older and was happy to see me but wait for a breast feed. (Around a year or so I think) I do realise I sound. Like a drunken old lush....

That was what suited us, so I plan to do similar with 8 week old DS, although he is much more laid back than DD ever was, so everything is easier anyway.

Midori, unless you actually chugged down an entire bottle of vodka at 3am I'd say you'd have been safe to feed long before lunch time the next day. I know they say "safe enough to drive" but to be honest from everything I've read the greatest danger from feeding when a bit pissed is dropping the baby, not giving them alcohol poisoning. I think even after quite a few drinks your milk has the massive alcohol level of, er, yogurt. Though having a lie in was probably nice...

I have also realized that I spend much of my time when on BF boards telling people how much they can booze when BF. I am not sure what this says about me. :/

leedy I think I was probably over cautious, particularly as the BFN does say you can feed in the morning even if you've been sick. I just felt happier waiting.

I think lying in bed until lunchtime sounds like a fabulous plan. Irrespective of how safe it is to bf

hahaha Leedy, I do the same!

I actually have friends who have given up bf because they wanted to have nights out and felt so restricted. :( I cannot blame them at all when you read articles basically saying if you smell alcohol you'll be poisoning your child, and to breastfeed you must be a perfect, well slept, hydrated, nutritiously fed, teetotal, organic health guru. The misinformation out there is awful (and, the cynic in me says, very delierate…)

Totally agree, squidkid. I once found myself (again in my role as the evil wine-pusher of the extended breastfeeding community) at my local BF group talking to one of the other mums, who was saying she was thinking of switching to formula soon as "the other night I had a lovely small glass of wine, and I really wanted another one but I knew I couldn't because of breastfeeding", while I was all SERIOUSLY JUST DRINK THE WINE. There's a definite prevailing idea that you have to put your life on hold to breastfeed to a far greater degree than is actually the case (no drinking, no going out, have to avoid certain foods, glued to the couch, nobody else can look after baby, etc - most of which is either untrue or only applies to the first couple of months).

Yeah! It's extremely off putting. It's hard to explain to people how different bf is at a year, compared to how it was in the early weeks. I have friends who bf for maybe a month and look at me like I'm a crazy martyr now, but it's just not the same thing at all! I drink whatever I want, go away overnight, eat what I want, wear what I want including my normal pre-preg bras, have lots of sex and really don't understand why some people think bf interferes with this, work long shifts… I haven't expressed a drop since baby was 3 months old (not sure why I bothered then either, don't think I will next time…)

It IS tiring and IS tough at times (breastfeeding when you're ill yourself is rubbish) but it does not require the lifestyle overhaul that it is often made out to.

leedy I'm thrilled you went away for 5 days at one point! I'd love a weekend away maybe when she's 18 months and wasn't sure if it would be possible.

Yeah, I did a weekend away when DS1 was maybe about 21 months, then did a 5 day work trip when he was about 2. I did need to bring a breast pump because otherwise OUCH and also wanted to keep up supply but it was absolutely fine - he just resumed feeding when I got back. I think it helped that he was already used to the odd "daddy bedtime" when he didn't get a feed.

By August your DD will be a year old!
You can BF a 1y oy night and morning. You can leave them with a cup of cows milk if you want to go out.

You can have the odd drink, wear ordinary bras and ordinary clothes. BFing a child and BFing a baby are not the same thing.

I breastfed until DS stopped by himself which happened at about 4 years. It was a bit awkward at the end and felt a bit like a dirty little secret :( but I'm glad that I did it.

However in no way do I think this is right for everyone! I just wanted to provide a perspective saying that it is hard to imagine at 13 weeks just what it is like when they are older, because it's so totally different. At 13 weeks it is still very all-consuming and they are very reliant on you, by a year or so it's really not like that at all.

In my experience yes DS was clingy but I don't think it was because of BF - it's just a stage that they go through, some of my friends BF and had super-confident babies/toddlers and some bottlefed and had clingy ones, I didn't really see a massive correlation, unless you count that a parent who parents in quite a detached style tend not to breastfeed and also tend not to have clingy babies, but it didn't necessarily mean they were more adventurous either, but they tended to sit there and play without much input.

Evenings, work, etc, you can work around, you either just BF when you are there and they manage when you're not (they really do, it's quite bizarre) or you work into your routine not to BF at those times anyway.

Teeth are not an issue, not sure why, must just be the way it works, but you can't feel them at all unless they decide to bite and they can do that just as well with gums!

I reckon it's easier to stop before 18 months or after 3, so if you don't want to let them self-wean it's best to stop before 18 months or so if you want an easy ride - usually you can just substitute with something else and they are totally accepting. Obviously it's possible to stop at any age but I think you risk them being attached to it and it being an actual drawn out endeavour rather than just a simple thing.

Interesting points! I'm teetotal anyway so the drinking is no big thing. i'm thinking I might now try for a year or thereabouts. Maybe! I never thought I'd get to three months so maybe its just the sort of thing you need to take one day at a tine!

Yeah definitely one day at a time! :) See how you feel. If you think about weaning/stopping being a conscious choice, rather than deciding "I will feed until X age" - you just wind up doing it when it's starting to get annoying for you or you feel like you've had enough of it now. And that's fine - it's a two way thing and it's got to be okay with both of you.