Please please help, reaching end of my tether!

[Pizdets]

My DS is 8.5 weeks old and absolutely gorgeous. He's a big boy...4.2kg at birth and just shy of 6kg at his 8 week check last week, so growing well.

The problem is sleep...he had the most dreadful gas at night weeks 4-7 which kept us both up from around 2am. It's much better now but still an issue. However he still feeds every couple of hours at night. For example tonight he fed at 7ish as part of our bedtime routine and went down pretty quickly, then fed again at 10, 1, 3, 4.30 and 6. He doesn't fully wake for most feeds and goes back down nicely after each one unless his gas is bad but I am utterly broken and finding it harder and harder to get back to sleep myself between feeds...I didn't manage to sleep at all between his 4.30 and 6 feeds, although he slept quietly for an hour.

I try shushing him and rubbing his tummy, then picking him up and holding him in case he just wants comfort but he's rooting away in minutes. I give him both boobs each time and try to get him as full as possible but it doesn't seem to make a difference. In the day he's fed on demand and probably feeds every 2-3 hours (more often 2 than 3). Everyone else I know at this stage seems to be down to one or two feeds a night and feeling better but things seem worse for me as I'm not even sleeping when I can any more!

What should I do? Do you think he's not getting enough milk from me which is why he's feeding all night? Do I need to try harder to get him back to sleep without feeding him (i already wait until he's crying and don't pick him up for every grizzle)? Will it get better on its own or am I doing something wrong?

Also any tips on managing to sleep for those odd hours would be great, I've always been a good sleeper and this is just horrible.

Afraid its well within normal bounds for him to wake that much. Its not that he's not greeting enough milk just that he's 8 Weeks old and isn't big enough to go all night without food or resettle himself alone yet.

I suggest you start feeding him as soon as he wakes you without trying anything else, somewhere warn and dark without looking at a screen and hopefully you'll drop back to sleep easier. I found resigning myself to just feeding in the night helped a lot. And if you can, map when he does in the day.

And congratulations. Enjoy your snuggles.

He's only 8 weeks.

How do you know it's gas? Is he actually producing wind? Have you ruled out silent reflux?

Tbh leaving him until he's crying could be worsening the problem, as he is fully awake? I found with ds that getting to him as quick as I could manage meant he barely woke up and drifted back off much easier. Ds is 5 months, formula fed now and still wakes at least three times a night for a feed (and he goes to bed at 9!) unfortunately we just have babies that need to eat at night, certainly nothing to do with your supply (ds was also 9lbs+ at birth and showing no signs of slowing down!). Ds wind eased significantly once I started putting him to sleep on his tummy, although you have to be happy about the risks involved. Can't give you any tips about managing sleep apart from trying to sleep when baby does I.e if he goes down at 7, so do you. I've been up since half three, so obviously not great at taking my own advice!
Fwiw I've heared weaning can help, and really looking forward to ds being 6months so I can try. It is incredibly tough, but you are doing well, keep your chin up and ignore everyone who has a 'good' sleeper, these children don't exist surely

Sorry to butt in but I have felt similar with my 6wo baby.

The problem with not looking at a screen is I worry I'll fall asleep with her on the sofa, especially as I need to keep holding her for ten - twenty minutes once she's finished to get her asleep enough to stay there when I move her.

How do you keep awake without a screen in the dark?

I think he is just very young still and it is fairly normal to wake so often. Is it possible.to get someone else to.do one of the night feeds so you can get at least 4 hrs in one block?
My dd is 7 months now and sleeps well but she did used to wake a lot and every other night or so DH would give her one or two feeds either of expressed milk or a carton of formula. I felt so much better even after 4 hours sleep it was amazing.

8 week growth spurt? Ours was hellish

I always used my phone to stay awake at night - my eyes were so itchy and.blurry and tired though a lot of the time I could barely focus.
I held it above her head as she fed so she didn't see the light too much, or draped a scarf over my head and phone!

Sounds normal. You are waking yourself up by trying to get him back to sleep before feeding him. If you get up, feed him straight away and then get back to bed, you'll probably fall asleep easier as you won't have woken up your brain with all the 'is it gas? I'll try another pat. Maybe if I pick him up?' thoughts, just boob autopilot.

Thank you all so much for the quick replies!

pintoftea yes, I expect the screen isn't helping but when I'm awake I get so bored and I'm a bit of a control freak so like to know the time etc. Will try to go without for the next few nights and see how I feel.

steamwisher I'm pretty sure it's gas, he strains and strains and farts a lot, although unfortunately once he's farted he'll relax for a minute or two then start again. I've looked up reflux symptoms and don't think that's it...he'll settle happily after feeds and will lie on his back to sleep happily when he's not gassy, what else should I look out for?

jammie he doesn't wake fully in the night, even when he cries...I do think he'd sleep well if not for the feeding and gas pains! But if it worked for you to feed sooner then I'll give that a try too...I'd been told to try and stretch him out and see if he was really hungry or just disturbed. I do put him to sleep on his side from about 2am onwards which I was told to do by a pediatrician when his gas was at its worst or he sleeps on his front on my chest if it gets really bad but of course then I don't sleep - not sure I'm confident enough to lie him on his front in his basket!

dopey, yes, dh is great and ob holiday this week so we're doing split shifts and he's taking him until about 2am, but I'm struggling to sleep myself at the moment too which is so horribly frustrating and of course the less I sleep the more I lie awake worrying about all these hours of lovely sleep I'm missing out on and getting upset about it. Am persevering with the yoga breathing and hope I'll be better tomorrow night.

troopers he seems to be on a constant growth spurt! At about 3/4 weeks he was doing some 3 hour stretches of sleep at night which was amazing but since then he's been stirring for feeds every couple of hours. But hopefully he'll level off a bit soon!

Thanks again for all the replies, means so much to get some moral support from people who've been there!

Oh good luck. I know.what you mean about being frustrated when you can't sleep and you know it's your only chance!
I used to find it really helpful to just think " well even if I'm not asleep at least I am resting. Quietly. With my eyes closed under a snuggly duvet. Mmmmm. Resting."
And then I'd feel better about not falling asleep :))

Have you given Infacol for the wind? Some people find it useless but it made a notable difference for us.

Crying is a very late feeding cue. Try boob at the first stirring from him, don't make him wait. This is a hard stage but will pass. You can't make bad habits, a rod for your back, all bollox

I have a similar night pattern with my ds, although he's mix fed in the day. I think I would have gone mad if I didn't cosleep and feed lying down. I've taken the side off his cotbed, put it against my bed with a duvet so he can't fall down the gap, and I slide him back and forward as needed. So minimal waking up for both of us.

Stop looking at the time. I found that made me less stressed about it all.

Could you make your bed safe for co-sleeping, then if you drift off during a feed it doesn't matter?

The smooth muscle in their gut cramps. The hormones in milk relax this smooth muscle and eases the pain, but it's only temporary. This is worse at night.

It's a biological impulse to keep mummy close by at nightttime when predators prowl.

I know it's hellish but try and roll with the punches, sleep WHENEVER you can and it'll be over soon. Then you just have to wait for the 4/5 month sleep regression!! There's a reason we have maternity leave - it's because this bit is hard work and everyone ackowledges that. There is not really an easy fix but believe me when I say that giving boob at every opportunity is the easiest fix of them all x

Stick with it, it will get easier. In the meantime I'd advise to feed (in bed lyinv down) as soon as he's hungry then let yojr oh wind him and you go straight back to sleep. He has 2 parents after all. Do that every feed for a night or 2 and I promise you'll feel better. Are you managing to get out in the day too. Just a walk might really help u sleep. Baby will be fine wrapped up. My 2 eldest were big hungry babies and were rubbish at night but now thwy are brilliant sleepers. Try not to worry it's a completely normal phase.

my first seemed to struggle with wind a bit - he didn't get that he had to relax and bend is legs - he used to go all rigid and straight and no fart is going to come out like that lol - i used to do nappy off time before his bath on a towel and he always would poo or fart lol

both mine were a bit of a nightmare for the first year at night - they liked their milk and cuddles at 2am?! they were distracted during the day too so i had to feed them pre-during-post nap?!

happily they are now 2 and 4, running round like nutbars, expending lots of energy and sleeping all night (mostly ) oh, and both are more than happy to go to sleep on their own after lots of running about with each other and friends (and me!) so all that oooh you are making a rod for your own back was just mean rubbish dreamt up by people wanting to sell books! after all, no book would sell if all it said was 'breastfeed your baby whenever it wants, including before bed. the end.'

good luck! the lack of sleep is painful!

oh and when i was really struggling, i did put a mattress on the floor (and followed other safe-co-sleeping guidelines) and co-slept. it was surprisingly restful as i didn't have to move. i think if i had another one i might consider this a good default position as i got so so tired getting up etc ...and i think noblegiraffe said boob autopilot lol exactly!

Definitely agree forget looking at the clock, counting up the hours and minutes of sleep you have or haven't had. It will drive you nuts. I have found that the only way to cope is to totally roll with the punches, not expect anything, not compare my baby to others and to cosleep.

Currently struggling through the 4/5 month sleep regression here, so I feel your pain. I found infacol a godsend in the early weeks - two drops before every feed really helped. You may also like to consider baby massage as part of your bedtime routine as that can help release trapped wind. Your local sure start centre will probably have a course you can do, or take a look on YouTube for decent videos. Ours was always too wriggly for the massage to work, but you might have better luck. The good news is that the gas (for us) started easing from 14 weeks and its entirely gone now. We just get stinky farts and possetting instead.

Safe cosleeping could be your saviour - I have done it when desperate. The other option is an armslength cot or sidecar that attaches to the bed; this gives you the peace of mind that he is safe and its easier to grab him and feed on autopilot.

And don't stress about what other babies are doing. DS was sleeping 6-8 hours a night when tiny. At 16 weeks it went out the window. Your friends with good sleepers may get a nasty shock soon.

It really is hard though, isn't it?

Colief lactase enzyme drops provided a pretty much instantaneous result for us with 2 dds with terrible wind/colic. Bit of a faff to use if breastfeeding as you are supposed to express a bit, add the drops and feed it back to the baby. I've found for us it makes no difference if I just put the drops directly into her mouth a little bit into the feed. They are dear but saved me my sanity with dd1

Oh gosh, thanks so much for all the lovely replies and advice! I feel very reassured!

I do bring him into bed with me when he's bad and he sleeps better if I can just reach out and put a hand on his tummy when he cramps. It's a better option than no sleep at all but not ideal for me as struggle to relax knowing he's in the bed! Have tried both colief and infacol and it has got a bit better recently on the infacol.I'm about 30% convinced it's making any difference but not willing to stop just in case it is.

We do bathtime and a little massage as part of his bedtime routine each night and I do think he's been a bit better since we did that, I also hope he's starting to grow out of it maybe..he's certaiy not as bad as he was 2 weeks ago.

I do feed lying down at night but think the advice to leave the phone alone is good stuff so will be resisting it tonight!

Thanks for all the reassurance that I should just feed him when he wants and not worry too much, my gut says the same but it's hard to trust it when you're tired and questioning yourself. Hopefully aa he gets older he'll sleep a little longer and I can feel more human!

I know it sounds silly but I feel like you've all given me 'permission' to go with it a bit more, which will do as much good for my sleep as anything else! Thank you all!

Just wanted to update for everyone who gave me advice. The last 2 nights he's still been groaning and crying with his tummy but I've just brought him into bed with me rather than trying to settle him, fed him as soon as he sounds like he won't doze straight back off and kept the phone by the side of the bed (can't resist checking the time, though!). I feel much calmer and better rested.

Thanks again, hoping that in the next few weeks he'll sleep better and I can get some proper sleep and have my poor DH back in bed with me!

Great news.

Sniff his head for me