Do you NEED someone to show you how to BF?

[LittleBairn]

I've still a while to go in this pregnacy but this might be an issue I need to address sooner rather than later.

I really want to BF, I have done since my aunt I rarely saw BF her baby in front of me when I was 8. She was the only person I ever saw BF my entire childhood. No one else in my family has ever BF.

But I don't like people touching my breasts (can't even go for bra fittings) or even others looking at them up close or inspecting them.
Yet every time I read a BF artical or watch YouTube videos the 'teacher' is always touching and pulling at the breasts of the mother.

I really won't react well to someone trying to do this to me.

Can a mother and baby learn to BF successfully with being taught, or do you really need guidance?

It is possible to do it without. I did. A lot of people do need help though. You are allowed to say no to touching and there are various ways to get help

I felt the same. I did get touched but to be honest after being wheeled through a corridor with three midwives pulling my clothes off I wasn't so bad although I still found it a bit difficult.

It was very minimal though. If you don't want this try watching lots of videos to see what they do and the way the baby needs to be. It was hard for me to get the latch right and it caused very painful nipples until the midwife showed me how to pull her chin down to open her mouth nice and wide.

No one ever touched my breasts or even watched close up. I think the midwife in the hospital noticed (from several meters away) that the baby was happily feeding away, but she never started trying to look closely or touch me.

I think it's useful if you read up on what a good latch is meant to be like (ie baby has a big open mouth, shove as much of your breast in its mouth as possible, not just the end of the nipple), but it's really very possible to BF successfully with very little professional intervention!

Oh trust me I've had very uninhibited experiences concerning pregnacy including the delivery of my DC1 who died in utero.
But I know myself well enough post birth that I won't allow myself to be touched.
I do think immediately post birth with a midwife who was present during delivery I would be ok with being touched. Does this happen?

Are to doing antenatal classes? They might explain the basics. Or if you've been watching YouTube that might well be sufficient. People do sometimes need help, but I'd read so many horror stories (on here!), that I was really quite surprised when it all actually worked fine, with both my DDs!

wigeon tags reassuring.
I've been watching newborn latch videos to help teach myself some methods.

I would recommend reading The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding. Find the numbers of the bf helplines and put them in your phone. Google Dr Jack Newman and kellymom.

That was meant to say THANKS that's reassuring.

Sorry, cross posted. So sorry about your DC1.

Yes, the midwife who checked both my DDs were feeding ok were the same ones who delivered them. And they didn't touch me at all in order to check. Honestly, you might well not need any help immediately post birth. I wonder if it's worth putting something in your birth plan about this? Or discussing with your midwife in antenatal appointments what is realistic to ask for and / or what usually happens?

stargirl I've read a sample chapter of that book on my iPad I will buy the rest of it and give it a read through.
Thank you for the googling tips.

Nobody touched me, but they did offer to observe and made suggestions. I believe it's considered bad practice to touch in general as you need to get a feel for it yourself. Are the videos largely American by any chance?

If your baby seems to get it quickly you may need very little help. I only had two feeds observed and that was it. Would you be more comfortable with your DP helping than a midwife? I found I did need reminding of things I knew because I was very tired, but most of it was very simple. You would both want to watch a lot of videos and even better see if you can see someone feeding. A Le Leche League meeting or a local breastfeeding drop in should welcome you while you're pregnant

If things are trickier you will need some more expert support, but you could see how you go.

Sorry cross post. best practice not to touch.

wigeon Yes I will speak to midwife about it maybe the hospital could assign me a midwife that's skilled with checking BF.
I will add it into my birth plan, I intend to make it clear about my aversion to being touched anyway.

I will deliver at the same hospital, the midwives were very respectful of my body last time so I don't feel too worried.

glorious yes the videos were American.

My Dh is very supportive in regards to BF but I think he would be a bit flummoxed by it all but yes he could at least remind me of things when I'm tired.
He was surprised to hear some woman need help he just assumed boob and baby get one with it by themselves.

I was thinking one person I would trust to touch/show me would be MIL, she BF her 3 DC and I would feel more comfortable around her.
But the live 8 hours away and would need to stay over but I suppose she could be good back up if I were having trouble.

So sorry about your DC Little Bairn.

I think most women need some help learning how to bf but that does not necessarily involve touching, in fact I would go so far as to say good advice never involves touching. The best analogy I have seen with bf is that it is like the other physical relationship we have that got us here in the first place, sex. It can be difficult, even painful at first but once you both get the hang of it, it almost certainly is very rewarding. Definitely read up on laid back feeding though it makes things way easier.

I agree best practice is not too touch but to give advice so you can get baby latched on properly by yourself. I volunteer at a support group and I have never seen a women be touched by the breastfeeding counsellor or a peer supporter. Often we demonstrate with dolls or suggest how you can reposition. It's important that the mum is able to replicate the positioning at home so better if they find the way to correct latch/positioning themselves.

I would echo what everyone has said about YouTube etc, but also suggest putting something on your birth plan to explain how you feel, especially if you want the MW who delivers your baby to help.

Also on a positive note your dh is not completely wrong. Lots of mother/baby combos do just work well without any additional support.

Thank you everyone, it's really helped me relax.

Tarka that's really useful info about BF groups that they use dolls I will certainly look out my local groups.

I was watched during the first few feeds but not touched - because there was no need - the feed was going well.

Go to breastfeeding classes now so you have the best chance of a good start. I went to classes both at the NCT and at the hospital.

I am a breastfeeding counsellor and I never touch the baby or the mother's body. If I need to do any touching like moving a mother's clothing out of the way, I make sure she is comfortable with me doing so, by asking permission.

This is how we are trained and I am certain all my colleagues do the same.

It can feel invasive to be touched, even someone who doesn't mind being touched can feel that.

Midwives in the UK do sometimes touch, but there are several studies to show that 'hands off' is a better approach. I think it is perfectly ok to ask for a 'hands off' approach and to have it written into your notes if you are at all concerned someone might do it without you wanting. If they do look as if they are going to touch you, then you can say 'please, if you don't mind, I'd prefer you to tell me rather than use your hands'.

Good luck, LB :)

tiktok it's god to know training favours hands off in the Uk and if they touch it's more likely to be necessary.
I will try your nice polite sentence rather than my natural urge to bare my teeth.

I needed someone to manhandle me, yes. But in fairness I could have learned by seeing someone else do it - getting really close and nosey.

I was pretty crap though - I had to be taught again with DS2 because I'd extended-bf DS1 and couldn't remember how to feed a helpless newborn as opposed to a toddler who just helps himself

I'm funny about my breasts too, FWIW. The idea of hand expressing makes me retch - but I can express with a pump. The first few weeks where you have to shape and aim your nipple/breast into baby's mouth are really really hard for me. But it doesn't last and gets less, erm, head-fucky.

Good luck whatever you decide.

LittleBairn I'm glad you're feeling a bit better and I'm sorry to hear about your first DC. I've seen a few American videos and was quite shocked how much prodding went on (and how complicated they made it look with all the this finger here on your breast, that finger there stuff). There is definitely a skill for both you and the baby to learn but it's not always that complicated.

Good luck

I'm lucky I suppose. Both DD started feeding without any problems. Midwives watched from a distance but let us be. It can work without being poked and prodded!