Giving up breastfeeding gently at 3yrs 9 months-help pls

[carcassonne]

After a rocky start to breastfeeding DD is 'still' feeding at 3.9. Had planned to let her self-wean but I now want to stop.
Managed to continue through early pregnancy pain and 3rd trimester nursing aversion. DS is now coming up to 7 weeks & my nursing aversion with DD is getting stronger if anything.
Having always loved feefing her I now HATE It. Makes my skin crawl, find it weird, have aggressive thoughts while she's feeding (that obviously I won't act on) about flinging her off me, pulling her hair to get her to stop :-(
I think it's spilling over in to how I feel about her in general - finding it v hard to be patient & kind to her at the moment. Also worried about the aversion developing to breastfeeding in general as I don't want to compromise my feeding relationship with DS.
So, rather guiltily I think I need to stop pretty soon. It's not great timing with the new baby & I know I risk making DD feel v pushed out & jealous. Does anyone have any ideas for how we can do it with least emotional impact on DD?
She currently feeds morning & evening maximum though most mornings DH whisks her off to nursery before she has chance & I manage to avoid a few evening feeds by not offering. Don't think there's any chance of her permanently stopping on her own though. I have been away for up to a week & she didn't stop & though not feeding frequently the times I have tried to refuse or delay in recent weeks have resulted in a total meltdown.
Would certainly like to talk to her about it but need a way to explain that won't hurt her feelings.
Thanks & sorry for long post.

I think tbh at her age you should be able to just explain calmly that she's a big girl now and she can sit with you both for a glass of milk in the evening but you won't bf her any more.

Take her to pick a new cup and some fancy straws to drink it with. And make sure you have some 1:1 when baby is asleep.

Hello OP
I am in a similar boat to you. First trimester the pain was excruciating, milk dried up in second trimester. Cue baby and toddler wants to bf again.
Whoever copes with tandem feeding gets a round of applause from me.
I had nursing aversion exactly as you describe. My toddler is three soon and still wants to bf. I have not come up with a solution yet - luckily it has not affected my relationship with my newborn and toddler only has a little bit when ill/in pain/sleepy but

• at nearly three I have done above and beyond as far as extended bf goes

• toddler does not need it, it is habit/comfort/sibling rivalry

• if I feel icky/upset then that is a big clue/red flag to not continue as it is my body and I am knackered

I am being somewhat unfair...as when milk supply was low a couple of times the toddler was a lifesaver due to being demanding milk supply went up BUT it is time to stop now for my own sanity.

I offer cuddles, books, juice, tea, actimel, moo cow milk and am not as nice as you about it tbh - i have simply barked Off! when latched on and I cannot cope with it. The jazzy glittery cups and Big Girl Now speeches have not worked for us. Curtailing by being at nursery, having lots of fruit, fluids and snacks during day in between meals and not always cosleeping with me and baby works.

Until they fall over, have a nightmare, feel jealous or are poorly with a cold. The bf in the latter instance has at least got fluids into her system.
Good luck with it. Hope it works okay.

I take it one day at a time atm and reduce opportunities/just say no/offer an alternative/send to dad for cuddles to reduce it but if a meltdown ensues or if poorly then I have been known to cave All three know they are and will always be my babies but I am not repeat not a dairy cow [grin ] even though often I am a bit of a moo through lack of sleep/chocolate/shower/tea.

Thank you!

Don't worry I have shouted a few times-not always nice about it. Great to hear someone else in same boat.

gileswithachainsaw did you manage to use this strategy with similarly aged child? I think talking to her about it is important but I don't believe she is too old for it now & have never framed our breastfeeding chat in that way so I don't want to use that line. I think it runs pretty emotionally deep with her at the moment especially with the new brother so I don't think it will be quite that simple.

Anyone successfully managed this?

I've been feeling this way about DD for a while now (3.6)

I went with the never offer, never refuse. Then never offer, gently distract.

Apparently earwax on the nipples is a traditional method.

I ff so didbt have to explain about stopping bf. But dd was not much older when dd 2 arrived she was four. She did manage to understand that things couldn't be exactly the same as before because there was now two of them. We had given up the bed time drink long before but I did allow her to sit with us as I fed baby with a drink herself and involve her with the baby.

I just wondered if perhaps you could use the same principle. Ie keep her close and snuggled up with her drink and still give her that time and attention that you would bf just in a slightly different way. I think at that age she should be able to understand.

Sorry not explaining very well. What I mean is at that age a lot of the time they want something because they know they can't have it. Just saying no makes then want it even more. Sometimes an explanation helps a bit more especially as you are getting so angry and upset and that in turn will probably make her want it even more. Offering an alternative and bigging it up so it could appear better and more appealing than a bf might help.

I used the term big girl not because she's too old but a lot of kids that age like to be thought of as a bit more grown up and able to do things their little brothers and sisters can't.