Breastfeeding routine for 9 week old - advice please

[moonmrs]

Hello,
I'm hoping you lovely ladies will be able to help.
My ds is exclusively breast fed on demand. He's a great feeder, no problems with latch or anything like that, often sleeps for 6 hours at night, or will wake for a feed at 4ish which I'm very happy with. He is almost 9 weeks old.
My problem is a combination of lack of routine, constant feeding and lack of naps. Every waking moment he wants to feed. I know I'm feeding on demand but it's becoming ridiculous. I dont know how he doesn't explode! He can be entertained for a while but then screams for food. It's got to the point where I dont go out much because he'll scream for food the whole time. I can't even nip to the supermarket without stressing about getting home. He goes to bed and gets up at roughly the same times but apart from that there's no routine. I hear a lot of people refer to the 'lunchtime feed' etc but for me it's one giant daytime feed. I know he is only small and maybe I expect too much, but how can we get into a better routine and one that's not centred around food? It's exhausting for me and I feel house bound, and I worry about what will happen when I go back to work. He also will not nap in the day, so when everyone says to sleep when baby sleeps, that doesn't happen!

He is quite a grumpy baby at times but I put that down to colic, he is on colief for it. He can be lovely and happy and smiley and I'd love to be able to have more of those moments and I'm sure he'd like a more chilled out mum.
Excuse any typos I'm posting on phone as he feeds!
Thanks in advance for any help.

He probably needs to feed lots in the day as he is sleeping for such long stretches at night!

Do you offer both sides at every feed? You could try starting the day with a really big feed, both sides, and then put him in a sling and go out for a walk and you might find he goes for a couple of hours.

Remember the breast isn't just about food, it's about comfort too and some babies are very sucky. Giving him a dummy and putting him in a sling while out replicates some of the closeness/comfort of breastfeeding for him.

Maybe think of it this way, he sleeps well at night without a feed because he feeds a lot during the day and doesn't really nap.
Perhaps try going for a walk after breakfast, whenever that might be, or find a group (if that's your thing). I wouldn't focus too much on routine yet, what might work one week might not the next.
my ds4 never really had a routine ie breakfast, dinner, tea until he was on solids, and even then not so much (except the routine of going out on the school run) and I think that's normal.

Congratulations on your new baby

cross post I agree about the sling though, all of mine were happy in that for a while in the dreaded evening tea time thing.

Thank you for such quick replies.
Yes always offer both breasts and I have a sling that a lovely mumsnetter sent me so will try to use it more. Hedoesn't like it much though and have only used it round the house so going out with it may help.
I dont especially want him to nap in the day, as you say he sleeps well at night and I'm very lucky he does, but sometimes I would love him to have an hour so I get my boobs back!
I think he is a sucky baby but won't really take to a dummy although I do keep trying and I think he may comfort feed.
I'm only wanting to try to establish a bit of a routine as I need to go back to work after Christmas and worry that my dh and ds will struggle when I'm gone all day. If I wasn't going back so soon then it wouldn't be such an issue and I'd be a bit more laid back about it.

What kind of dummy have you tried? DS hated the flat silicon ones but did take a cherry latex one after a bit of trying.

It is a flat silicone one, maybe I should try a different sort then - thanks.

Was in a very similar situation with my DS (now 6mo) and I think I was often confusing his 'tired' cries for hungry cries. Once I started taking him out in the pram for walks more often (not around noisy shops etc but with the sole purpose of getting him to sleep) we did seem to establish more of a routine.
Hope that helps, and well done for getting this far.

I think maybe I'm doing the same, but if he starts to poke his tongue out then I assume he is hungry as he will always have a good feed, I could well be wrong. Its so difficult! He is my first so I'm still learning.

Hi moonmrs
9 week old dd here who is v similar to your ds!
Power feeding in the day and reasonable sleep at night. In looking at it as a trade off as I know which way round I would rather and it won't last forever - in the scheme of things it is a short time you will do this for (talking from experience, she isn't my first)
Agree with the other posters he may well be having tired cries and will then just comfort feed/snooze at the breast - mine would do this all day! Try the walk with the pushchair and the sling outdoors - even just round the block.
I know it doesn't help with the worry re work- but it does get easier and it isn't forever.

Bugger my phone lost my post. It said something like....
Thank you for the reassurance, I agree, I would much rather him fed all day and then get a decent sleep at night as at least I know I get a break then. I need to remember that he's only small and like you said it isn't forever and only a.short time in the grand scheme of things.
I do feel like it's partly my fault though because in the early days I offered him the breast when he cried when I didnt know what was wrong, so maybe he got a bit too used to it.
How do you manage with going out to places? If I'm going to friends or family I feel fine to feed in front of them but if not then I express milk for him to have in a bottle which he drinks fine, but I still stress about getting home. I dont feel comfortable feeding in public but that's my issue I know it's natural and I wouldn't have a problem with anyone else doing it. I just feel a bit tied at times. But again it's not forever.
Thanks for everyone's help I appreciate it.

I always just offered the breast at any crying as it seemed to solve 90% of baby problems! If DS was tired he would just feed to sleep, if he was hungry/lonely/bored/sad/overwhelmed it seemed to do the trick too.

Moonmrs you have not done anything wrong or caused anything by always feeding him if he cries - as pp said aswell, it's easy and natural to do this and baby likes the comfort. I am a bit uneasy feeding when I'm out so I either find a baby room (places like boots) or if we've gone to a restaurant, pub etc then I've gone to the car before!
And it's great that he will take expressed milk in a bottle - you can always have that as a backup option.

But then how will he able to be comforted without the breast when I'm at work? I have visions of him crying all day long.... Glad though that it's not just me, I thought I'd spoiled him. He's my little miracle - 2 miscarriages and a spell of infertility, along with being told we'd never conceive again naturally and look what happens so I think I worry I'm being a bit ott sometimes.

When are you going back to work?

Until DS was about 3-4 months old all he did was feed, sleep on my shoulder, wake up and feed again. Sometimes we'd go out for walks, I knew every spot I could sit down to feed him comfortably within a couple of miles of our house. I focussed on the fact that he was sleeping much better than everyone I knew with similar aged babies and this was how I was paying for it.

But if DH took him out for an hour or two (in the sling) he'd be fine, just feed happily when he got home

It's pretty much normal. Breastfeeding is much more than just feeding them.

If he's sucky a clean little finger nail down to sick on helps but again they're attached.

It dies down a bit when the 4 monthlys kick in which is great fun in itself

You get a decent stretch at night so he makes up for it during the day but he really should have naps during the day at this age.. They grow a mm every day.

Would you want to swap to less feeds during the day but more broken nights?

You're doing fab and I swear it passes.

Oh sorry I read you're going back just after Christmas. Have you introduced a bottle yet then?

But your DH will find ways to soothe him, they may well be different to your ways, but that's fine. And he'll be more interested in the world by then so easier to distract.

My 9 wk old is a bit like this. If we are just in the house she wakes and wants to feed and feed. However if I go out in the car she will often sleep for upto 3 hours at a time. She cluster feeds from about 6pm which is hard with a toddler too but the good sleeping at night makes up for it!

He will take a bottle but but from me, and will suck on my fingers or his own for a short time but then gets cross because there's no milk. He doesn't often sleep inthe car he cries blue murder generally! And as if to prove a point, last night he woke for 2 feeds!
Have been out this morning in the pram made him sleepy but now wide awake!