Please help me stop feeding, I need advice and reassurance

[MyNameIsSuz]

My DS is 13.5 months and I'm ready to stop, I don't know if he is, but I have set myself a goal of stopping by Christmas (as I needed a deadline or I think I would never do it, he'll be 15 months by then and I have a couple of work parties coming up where I won't be home at bedtime so DH needs to be able to get him to bed, for both of their sakes). We haven't fed in the day for a few months now, we're down to a bedtime feed and occasional night feeds which I want to drop. Partly because I want my body back, partly because our feeds are now short and quite painful, I think he may have lost his latch a little as I can always feel teeth, sometimes quite firmly and he bites down when he latches on.

I'm back at work 3 days, which will go up to 4 in January, so I can't have completely sleepless nights. DS is a reasonable sleeper, he usually goes down quite easily (though he's had a feed, so who knows where we'd be without it), and goes through periods when he sleeps all night and periods when he doesn't. He reacts very badly to teething - high temps, vomiting, inconsolable screaming - and this is when I feel I need to feed him at night. And I think that's what's worrying me - my failsafe way to get him back to sleep at night is to feed him, I've tried not doing it but he won't calm down until I do.

I think the bedtime thing will be ok, he's gone down to just a few minutes on one side now, and my plan is to replace with a drink of milk and a story in his room, then offer the breast when he's already full and hopefully he'll wean off it. I just worry that if we successfully cut out bedtime, next time he has a spate of night waking I won't have any way to calm him down.

I'm also feeling guilty at the thought of taking it away from him. He goes at it with such gusto I think he still loves it. This may be hormones from cutting down at bedtime, it may be because we struggled so much at first and he fed so much I just can't imagine being without it.

So any advice? What should I do? I can't just carry on forever! I really need help.

Well, whatever you do, don't stop cold turkey or you could end up with mastitis. The way I've done it both times was to gradually stop. Initially 'don't offer, don't refuse' works quite well. You should be able to cut out a few feeds this way if you persevere. You could also try to distract him, offer a bottle or cup of water instead, perhaps some cow's milk (then clean teeth afterwards), change you bedtime routine (instead of BFing sing some nursery rhymes or put on a CD or something), get your DH to put him to bed some nights (perhaps at weekends if it's impossible during the week), etc. What you're aiming to do is 1) break the habit of feeding every night, and 2) gradually reduce your supply so you don't suffer ill-effects. It will seem a bit 'one step forwards, two steps back' to begin with and if he gets ill or cuts a tooth it can derail your efforts for a few days, but you're wise to have a goal date in mind.

What juneau said, particularly the bit about the occasional DH putting to bed. Long before DS1 actually weaned we introduced the occasional "daddy bedtime" when I was out at band practice or otherwise out of the house, so he got used to the idea that he didn't need BF for bed - meant I wasn't nearly as tied to him even before we stopped BF.