Breastfeeding breaking my heart

[Beastly]

All I do all day is worry. I'm certain my DS is not getting enough breast milk, he doesn't seem to like breastfeeding. He has one good feed in the morning and then snacks for the rest of the day. He is restless and fidgets and pulls on and off. I've tried different positions and winding but he works himself up so much I have to rock him off to sleep, and then when he's asleep I sit there worrying and crying because once again he hasn't fed. He generally won't feed unless we are lying down on the bed. It's got to the point where I'm anxious about leaving the house because he just won't feed. He just gets to a point where he won't feed because he's so overwrought and hungry. I've tried expressing, I can only afford a manual pump and its so much hard work to get 5oz out - but I do feel a million times better once he's drank it because 'at least he's had something satisfactory today'. I'm crying typing this now. I really want to be a successful breast feeder but its making me so down.

Just to add that my twins went from feeding for a minimum of an hour each time to less than 10 mins at about that age. They do get so fast. Just as well asthey get so nosey too!

Both dds like to rest every few mins when bf. In my experience everything in your op sounded extremely normal!

I think you are looking for issues where they may be none because of other stresses. One feed at a time. Try not referring to them as feeds too. Mentally I've managed better if I called it a drink. Because I seem able to view a drink could be short or long. A feed always sounded like weren't getting enough even if both burping and giggling or snoring contentedly after!

Sounds like you are doing well. Congrats on new family x

I read your OP and thought "that could have been me writing about DS" and I looked back in his diary to see what age he was when I took him to the hospital feeding clinic with just this problem - he was 4.5 months, so about the same age. He has a posterior tongue tie but can latch perfectly when he wants to - and he fed beautifully in the calm environment of the clinic. So I felt reassured and went home and just got on with it and things gradually sorted themselves out as he got a bit older and I started introducing some solid food at 6 months. The worst feeding sessions were always when I felt the most stressed - usually when MIL and her mother were both standing over me watching going "what's the matter with him?" "He's not getting enough", "he's too hungry for you", "that baby needs formula" etc, so looking back I'm convinced it was mostly my own stress causing the issue. I really recommend going to see a feeding expert as that helped me get some confidence back. I felt a bit silly going along with such a big bouncy baby but they were really nice.

Thank you all for your replies

Yesterday was brilliant, I just relaxed and went with the flow and in return ds was nice and chilled and fed well.

But unfortunately, I've developed mastitis

I've been awake all night in agony and shaking. I've been massaging with a hot flannel but it really is bloody painful. My breast is huge, solid and really hot. When ds is feeding it feels like a knife is being twisted into my breast. My legs won't even hold my weight so I'm going to try and rest as much as possible.

It's typical that this happened on the day we were starting to make progress!

Beastly :( :(

You need medical help - this sounds like a serious case of mastitis.

Seriously - contact a doctor/A&E/walk-in centre straight away.

Oh - not sure where to go, minor injuries unit?

Call your doctor and ask if you are not sure.

Walk-in centre prob the best bet though .

You'll almost certainly need antibiotics, and you need medical assessment anyway - but your description makes me think they may look for an abscess as well.

Have got emergency appt at doctors,

Thank you for your help

hope you're ok beastly - I fed lying down for a long time. I'm not totally sure why - possibly posterior tt, a very strong let down, slight reflux or just him - certainly a day of infant gavisgon helped a lot after one very fussy upset period - it all got magically better at around 6 months and he fed any which way! tiktok is very wise, follow her advice!

I did have extreme anxiety though similar to how you describe. I had to have my thyroid checked and meds altered as well as a low dose of sertraline.

I do hope you feel better soon.

Have been to the doctors, she was lovely and prescribed anti biotics and paracetemol. Told me if it isn't getting better by Friday then to go back and see her.

She was so lovely that I started crying and blurted a load of stuff out, and she has organised some counselling for me so hopefully my stress/anxiety can be helped.

What a day so far, I feel shattered!

Thank you clarella, I feel so much better now that I've had a little cry! Hopefully this mastitis will clear up ASAP and now that I know I've got nothing to worry about feeding wise I'm really looking forward to relaxing and feeding ds. I don't know why I was so anxious/worried, he's such a cheeky happy little boy!

beastly get well soon.

weighing Ds tomorrow, popped back on this thread to reread for some reassurance and saw your message, such bad luck, but excellent news about the counselling.

I can totally relate to what you're going through. My 5 month old does all that you've described, and I have to say it can be really confusing as baby can give 'mixed messages'.

Like you, I was led to believe that you shouldn't let a baby drink for less than 10 minutes or you will reduce the milk supply. Sometimes my baby goes 2 hourly between feeds and sometimes only 1. But it doesn't seem to make much difference whether he latches for 5 minutes or 35. He still looks for a feed again pretty soon after, and really doesn't seem to be made any worse with a very short feed.

Today he was squirming and biting again, and my Mum commented that she thought he might be a bit hungry still. This was after I had given up on the feed (sore nipples and discontented baby), and yet baby was crying and fussing loudly, which made me believe my Mum could be right.

I filled a bottle of formula and he wolfed down 7oz and looked for more. Afterwards he was happy as larry and a completely different baby. I felt so confused and upset because I treasure breastfeeding and loved doing it for a whole year with my first baby.

I don't like the idea of formula for a lot of reasons, I find the extra work of sterilising bottles and mixing feeds a real pain. I am trying to see is in the light that I am going to wean him now and so am trying to see the formula feed as a "wean" between breast feeds.

I am sorry for your stress about it all. I am feeling the same way and so want to thank you for your thread because there is a comfort in knowing that this is not perhaps so uncommon after all.

my baby is almost exactly the same! but she's not gaining weight. Just thought i'd chip in about pumps, since you say you can only afford a manual. I got a free loan of a double electric from the midwifes- could you see if theres one available where you are?

mummymog how often do you weigh your baby?

laughingeyes I once had exactly the same experience, feeling completely deflated by seeing DS knock back a bottle after I had given up on a feed (and boy had I tried) but my health visitor said it could be any number of things, eg it's sometimes easier to feed from a bottle as it just chugs down. Whatever you decide to do, you have done brilliantly to feed for this long and your baby is lucky to have you.

Beastly we'll done for sticking with it so far. This sounds just like my DD. She fed ok in the morning but was a nightmare to feed from then on, pulling off the breast and squirming and crying. We do tend to produce more milk in the mornings I think. Breastfeeding counsellors told me she was fine and was getting what she needed but when I went to get her weighed it turned out she wasn't putting on enough weight at all and was dropping down the centiles at a worrying rate. That might not be the case for you. But if it is, would you consider mixed feeding and giving her formula for some feeds?

I started giving DD two formula feeds a day from 3 months onwards and it transformed things. (I tried expressing but could only get a measly 20mls from each side no matter how hard I tried) It made me more relaxed, DD much more content and the end result was that by 5/6 months I tried breastfeeding for every feed again and there were no problems. People said my milk production would go down if I did mixed feeding but it didn't. Sometimes I think giving yourself a break from the stress of breastfeeding can work wonders. I agree with Ilovemydog - I really don't like it when people insist that you stick to breastfeeding at all costs. I do enjoy it now and yes it has health benefits in the beginning, but babies are happy when they're full and they really don't mind about the method of delivery.

French how much formula did you give and for which feeds?