8 day old newborn and breastfeeding - undecided

[Tinytoto]

Hi all,

Hoping for some advice. I have an 8 day old newborn, delivered via c section and was kept in NICU for obs on sugar levels as I had gestational diabetes. I also had ovarian cyst removed. So did not have any contact with my baby for 24 hrs and consented to formula feeding. When she was let go from NICU with normal sugar levels, I tried to get her to BF and got lactation nurse who helped but ended up finding out she had tongue tie which we got snipped. Latching on was difficult as i also have flat nipples - which to help her feed i used the nipple shields- ended up getting very sore cracked nipples. So i expressed and just started mixed feeding as not enough milk. I also have a 3 yr old toddler and can not for the life of me juggle expressing, feeding and looking after 3 yr old and all the while trying to recover from the op.Although i do have help from my mum for a few weeks but thinking about when she leaves and trying to express etc is stressing me out..... and dont understand how others do it! Also my first child did not latch on but i managed to feed him expressed breast milk for 3.5
months. I am feeling guilty for wanting to give up and feeling like a failure! I feel like i am not being fair to my 2nd child for not wanting to give her breast milk... help!

Well done for trying in the first place, especially for so long with your first, I also had no latch with my DD (same issue) and I went straight for ff instead. I did feel guilty but I was so much happier once I made the decision and wasn't getting upset when it wasn't working etc. I honestly believe that even though there are benefits to bf - it is far more important to have a happy mum who isn't stressed out and upset. You would not be a failure at all if you go for ff, and what is important is that you and your baby are happy. My sometimes feel upset that it didn't happen for us, but them I look at my dd and she is such an unbelievably happy baby that I think why worry?

You are not a failure. You are doing your best for your family under exceptionally difficult circumstances.

Formula is not poison. You haven't failed to breastfeed, you're choosing to nourish your child in the way that most benefits you, her and your other dc.

Other people manage because they had it easy - baby learned to latch within a few days, no thrush or mastitis, tongue not tied, nothing else to do but feed and eat biscuits. I'm one of them. Fuck knows what i would have done in your situation, probably formula!

Congratulations

Thank you for the reassurances ... i am still finding it dificult to come to terms with not expressing br milk but i know its not practical for my situation. DH has said to try and get her to latch again but i just dont want that pain anymore - i get alot of pain even while using nipple shields! ughh!

I am the most obsessive breast feeder I fed all mine for years but give yourself a break ff was invented for you if it's not going well give your baby a bottle as long as she's being fed thats all that matters theres enough things to get stressed about feeding your baby shouldn't be one of them.

Tiny, the decision is yours. I can tell you that it is highly likely that with the right help and support, bf can be rewarding and effective even after a start as difficult as this one (and you have checked a lot of boxes there :( ). Once the difficulties of expressing become unnecessary then bf can be a lot easier alongside caring for a toddler as well.

If you can, find someone who has time and knowledge who can listen without any impetus to 'persuade' you one way or the other, and who can answer any questions you have. This might be an HCP, a breastfeeding counsellor, an informed friend.

At the moment, you are feeding in the most stressful and time consuming way possible - shields, expressing, bottles, post op, pain, formula. It does not have to be like this. Get help.