Very p*****d off at DH right now

[MissingMyMarbles]

I'll probably feel guilty about this in the cold light if day, but he is doing my head in!!! DD2 is 15 1/2 months and has slept through four times ever. She is usually up once but sometimes twice and sometimes we have a really shitty night like tonight. She is much better if DH deals with her overnight, but she demands a feed if I go to her. I work shifts and she isn't that bothered about boob when I'm not there. She has 3-4 feeds during the day and 1-2 overnight, if I'm around, and will take cow's milk if she needs it, but settles for DH so doesn't always 'need' her night feeds. DH is not well at the minute and as I've had holiday the last few weeks, I've been getting up. EVERY PIGGING NIGHT! Which means, she's been feeding overnight. It doesn't help that I am getting to the point of wanting her off the boob but I don't really want to rush her. The deal was, he was going to get up to her, as I think if he did it for up to a week straight she would stop waking, but he just hasn't been well enough and, I know IABU, but I am really mad at him!
I've been up since 2.35. She fed and I put her down and appeared to be sleeping, then, to be fair unusually, she was on her feet before I even got to the door. Not needing more feeding, I have tried cuddling her, only to have her fanny around, end up feeding anyway and going back to sleep at 4.35
He's now snoring!!!

That is all

Sympathies! I'm up bfing 18mo ds2 who similarly has only slept through a handful of times. He's been up 4 times so far tonight and demanding milk each time. He won't drink cow's milk or formula. Dh has been up to him about 4 times in the night in the whole 18mths. I have to do every single one.

If your dh has genuinely been ill and is usually good at sharing night time wakings then yab(a bit)u but totally get where you're coming from with the frustration of being up and knackered while they're snoring away

Bfed my DCs till weaned and DC3 till cows milk. So I am v pro BF.
But they don't need BF in night at15 months, they (and you!) need sleep!
Have you tried giving a cup of water?
if DC not feeding with your DH then it is habit.
and really bad luck for DH to be sick when you had planned a week of DH feeding to break the cycle.
Better for all if sleeping through.
Good luck.

Oh, I know she doesn't need it at this age, Juggling! She does sleep. From 7 til 7. She just wakes briefly somewhere between 2 and 4. Just last night she happened to be awake between 2 and 4 We've tried the water thing. She drinks it then the screaming starts, which I feel is more disruptive and less sleep inducing. That's why I want DH to deal with it to break the cycle. He can give her a cuddle without the demand for suckling.

And, I know I am being a bit unreasonable about DH's health too. He does have genuine long term health issues. The last fortnight have seen extra blips, but he never seems to be well enough to deal with this . I know, I sound like a cow and I'm not (don't think so anyway), but it's not easy living with someone who has long term health problems either , but I will get over that when snap out of this bad fettle I'm in this morning.

Should also say, I am being ranty, and I usually have a little more sympathy and don't normally give my usually more helpful DH a hard time about something that is clearly not his fault.

in all honesty i think if he's unwell and you've been on leave then you getting up sounds fair. i also think that just because she'll want milk if you go to her doesn't mean its a cycle he needs to break, i think you should have a hand in that.
however, i accept i might be bias as dp has never once got up in the night for any of ours, and he is perfectly fit and healthy!

I sort of agree Notany, but he rarely gets up in the night (although helpful in other ways). I've always taken the view that I have the boobs therefore there is no point in him getting up as well, whilst they still need the milk. However, this overnight lark is definitely more a comfort thing now. I believe in don't offer, don't refuse to wean them, but in the night she is latching on and literally falling asleep straight away. I don't want to address 'weaning' by refusal, in the middle of the night; it's distressing for everyone. Very occasionally she'll take a mammoth feed, and I don't have a problem with that, but I do think if she got out of the habit of waking when she doesn't need a feed then it would help. She doesn't root about when DH gets up, and it's a whole lot less traumatic.

Anyway, I'm a bit less grumpy now

I feel sorry for you both but do think it unfair to blame husband especially if he's ill. It seems like she doesn't need to feed and it is a comfort thing, have you looked at Dr Jay night weaning. It may be hard but it is possible for you to help her sleep through, she will be cross cos you are changing what she's known however if you are consistent and stick to the plan it really shouldn't take more than a week for her to sleep through.

I'm not really blaming him; more hacked off at the situation, and the nearest and dearest are in the firing line. I did say I would feel guilty about being irritated with him in the cold light of day. Thankfully, and somewhat unusually, I had the good sense not to give him a hard time in the heat of the moment I know he can't help being unwell. Fwiw, I rarely get riled and usually pick up the slack but at 4.30 this morning, I had little left to give and frustration overtook me

Rant away! We all need to. And being reasonable is sometimes a step too far!!!
On disruption. I went for the approach - as on my knees and incoherent with sleep deprivation at the time - that a night of two or a few of total hell caused by cold turkey on night time feeds would be better than it going on for weeks more.
It took 2 if I recall!