Two week old baby, had difficulty feeding from start, now will not latch at all

[ElleCloughie]

My DD was born two weeks ago at 41weeks but SGA. Quick, straight-forward labour, followed by an hour skin-to-skin time together.

She wasn't able to latch during that time, mostly due to positioning - I was having stitches and was not in the best position. Because she was small they took her BM which was low, so they gave her formula from a cup for her first feed, and returned her to me as soon as they could. She had three formula feeds in line with their hypoglycemia policy and then stopped as her blood sugars were remaining stable.

I had difficulty getting her to latch from the start. The midwives were very supportive, but there was also an awful lot of forcing her head forwards onto the nipple, which just made her distressed. They eventually decided that she was just "one of those babies" and taught me how to hand express so I could use a syringe to give her EBM after each failed attempt at a feed.

I started pumping on day three, and have been able to maintain a good supply, and she has only had breastmilk since. However the first few days of syringe/cup/spoon feeds seemed to make her lazy, and she would latch but then not do anything. We switched to bottles with the Medela Calma Solitaire teats as we were struggling to get enough into her, and she lost 10.3% of her birth weight in the first few days. I hoped that these were the best of a bad lot, and that once she was more settled about feeding it would be easier to go back to the breast than using other teats.

However she now won't even try and latch, and gets very upset and agitated whenever I try to get her to latch. We have lots of skin to skin time, which she is happy with, and she sometimes will root around when she is hungry and being held, but if you put her to the breast she just gets upset. I can only get her on the breast using a nipple shield, but her latch is poor so she often doesn't get anything, and it is usually painful for me.

I just wish I could get her to feed from the breast, but I think my decision to use bottles has spoilt this for us. I would love to hear if anyone has been in a similar situation and what they did, or any other advice. I can't help but get upset when she just screams and claws at me, then happily guzzles away at her bottle!

Poor you. It sounds like you didn't get good support or advice from the beginning. My MW told me that the best thing to do if you are struggling is to get into a warm bath and relax with your baby. Feeding in water can 'reset' you both.

I dont think some of the midwifes have a fucking clue to be honest. it's luck of the draw as to who you get supporting you, if it's the wrong one it seems it can get people off to a bad start.

You could always try putting her in bath with male partner/husband she won't find a nipple but may become more determined and her rooting reflex might be triggered. He could then pass her to you.

Congratulations on your baby.

My friend had the same problem with her baby, he wouldn't latch on and so she chose to stick with expressing for few months then introduced formula. I think the advice about having a bath with your baby is good, but don't put too much pressure on yourselves. Have a nice relax with baby in the bath and enjoy the experience. If they latch then it's an extra positive.

The most important thing is that your baby gets milk when they need it and I am sure you will make sure they do :-)

Good luck x

Sorry meant to say congratulations too!

'One of those babies'.I'm sorry you were told this. ..total tosh (imo) and not very supportive. It sounds like you are very committed to bf your baby. Hopefully some good posters will advise.
Call your local bf support group and get some help. (That's what they're there for:))
Get baby checked for tt (I had dd 'checked by 9 hcp before hers was found)
.and don't give up.
Good luck. Xx

I had a similar experience with 4 week old DS, but I honestly don't think you've spoiled your chances. This is just my perspective but I hope it's reassuring.. .

With DS I think he is still just too small to latch and bf and it's much easier for him to get milk in other ways . We started on formula, then EBM in a syringe/cup, then bottle and now about a week ago we progressed to feeding with the nipple shield and that's now going really well.

Up until yesterday we fed him every two hours religiously (or more frequently if he wanted it) as if he got too tired he wouldn't feed and that would make him more tired - vicious circle! If he was too lethargic we'd use a bottle of EBM and gentle squeeze milk from the teat into his mouth. Giving him as much milk as possible in any way possible has definitely helped get his strength and energy up which has helped me to get him on the nipple shield. When we started with that I would compress to get a bit of milk into the end of the shield so he got immediate reward, and would continue compressions if He stopped sucking (and also stroked his cheeks) and he'd usually suckle again. Feeding lying down sometimes is better for us too.

Other Things we have done that I think have helped - had a lactation consultant come and spend two hours with me at home, plus support from a bf counsellor at our local 'baby cafe', getting his tongue tie divided, although this hasn't made much difference now I know it will in future (I thought he'd latch well once this was done but he still can't/won't). He's also started cranial osteopathy on the advice of the midwife who divided his TT, but I know that's not for everyone.

I have actually stopped trying to get DS to latch on to the breast every feed as it was stressing us both out. When he's a little bigger and I'm feeling more confident/ relaxed I'll make a concerted effort but for now I think it's not worth it . They change literally day to day in the first weeks and truly I think it's never too late, but do persevere with the shields if you can.

Have you phoned a bf helpline? I found the LLL one excellent.

tel:0845 120 2918

Is there a bf cafe near you? A LLL meeting? I think you need RL help.

Thank you everyone for your comments!

PeriodFeatures and akaMama Having a bath together is on our list of things to try today! Will have DH on hand so I don’t accidentally drown the wet slippery infant :/

Rosiedays She has been checked for TT, I mentioned that to a couple of midwives and the HV, and they all agreed she doesn’t have it, though by your experience that could mean very little. I will keep asking people to check. I have found my local Breast Start group, so I will be toddling along there at the next session.

Workingtitle It’s so nice to hear from other people who have been in the same sort of boat, and wonderful to hear about the progress you've made with your DS. I have looked into a lactation consultant, but the only one that is local is known by some of my family, and is apparently completely mental. I have been looking into cranial osteopathy but DH is a bit sceptical, though if he thought there was even a chance it would help I’m sure he’d be up for trying. Thank you for all the brilliant advice in your post and I hope things keep improving for you too!

stargirl1701 I haven’t bothered ringing a helpline because I feel there is little they could suggest to me over the phone that I haven’t already read somewhere online. You are right, finding someone in RL who is a bit more helpful than the MWs and HV have been so far is the way forward.

I felt the same about the helplines until I made the call. I was very impressed and they were able to direct me to RL help in my local area.

I had similar problems and exclusively fed ebm from a bottle for nearly six weeks but there IS hope, we managed to move from this to using nipple shields for a few weeks and then she finally got the hang of it and has been happily breast feeding since.
Ask for a referral to maxillofacial dept at hospital, they sorted the tongue tie that several midwives had told me she didn't have, she also had oral thrush which wasn't helping so check for that. The infant feeding specialist midwife at my local hospital was a great help so perhaps see if there is one where you live?.
I was told by so many people including HV that my milk would dry up and I'd have to put her on formula as after 6 weeks of bottle feeding I'd never get her on the breast. Well I did, it was hard work but I wanted to give you the hope that it is achievable. Congratulations on your little one and try to enjoy it and not let these feeding problems get you too down.

Thanks Purple that's really encouraging! I will have a word with my GP about a referal to maxillofacial when I see him.

Unfortunatley my local BF support group was cancelled this week so still waiting to be able to go and see them. I have changed the nipple shields I was using to a smaller size, and now it's not as painful, and DD seems to be getting on better with them. Once on, she stays there for an hour or more, and seems to alternate between feeding and snoozing, and we often have to give her a top up of EMB when she comes off, but I'm hoping it's a step in the right direction! I have managed to slip the shields off mid feed and get her to latch on once, and she really went for it! Unfortunatley it was not a good latch and it was really painful, and on the boob I'd just had a really painful blocked duct, so I had to stop her. It's all progress though, so trying to stay positive about it.

I had similar experience. It's really heart breaking when you try to feed then and they cry and won't latch on. I just kept trying and trying when I finally managed to get her interested she struggled with the latch and kept slipping off my nipple.
I was told bit to give dummy until latch is good but I after 2 weeks of expressing and not sleeping I gave in and ever since she had dummy her latch was perfect! It helped her to learn to suckle properly. I know they say babies suck dummies differently but it worked a miracle for us. She is now 8 months and we are all bf. Maybe dummy would be an option for you?

Just wanted to add sympathy - my story is very similar - except my daughter was a 35/6 weeker in scbu with jaundice. I tried everything (biological nursing, skin-to-skin, expressing, nipple shields etc) but she never latched.

Please don't beat yourself up about giving EBM or formula - there really isn't any other option when you have a baby who won't latch. My DD also lost nearly 10% of her body weight & we were close to being readmitted for tube feeding.

My DD is now FF. After a month of expressing, trying to BF & look after a 4-year old too, I was on my knees.

Please be kind to yourself & know that you are doing your best by your baby, no matter what the outcome.

MyNameIsButterfly I've never heard of a dummy being used to encourage them to learn to suckle, but then the advice and suggestions seem to change alll the time. My step-mum, who did an NCT breastfeeding course years ago, and has been incredibly helpful, said that when her children were young nipple shields were practically the anti-christ, whereas now they seem to be a useful tool when used correctly.

Blackberry Thanks for the links, I've already seen the Kellymom page, but the LLL one is interesting. She is becoming more interested in boob, and there have been a few times in the last couple of days where that is the only thing that will settle her - but only if the shield is on, or she gives me a filthy look, or gets distressed because she tries to latch but can't. She just bobs around. I don't try too often for fear of putting her off altogether, just sticking with getting her used to using the shields as much as possible so maybe we can reduce the amount we have to give her in a bottle.

lotsofcheese Luckily when they found she had she lost so much weight the midwife arrived just after I had tried using the pump for the first time, with brilliant results, so she was happy to let us carry on for another 24 hours before they decided if she should be readmitted. When they came back the next day, she had put on 70g, which they were delighted with. The last three weeks of expressing have been exhausting enough, I can't even imagine what it must be like trying to juggle that with caring for an older child as well. Thank goodness DD is my only one! I know the most important thing is that she is being fed, by whatever means, but I don't want to give up on this any sooner than I have to.

I also really wish I'd bought shares in Medela before I had a baby.