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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Desperately seeking breastfeeding help. First time mum with a ten day old.

19 replies

Hopelass · 18/10/2013 10:31

Hello

I'm after some advice/support regarding my son's feeding. I'm at the end of my tether and dread him waking up for a feed which makes me feel awful..

DS was born 10 days ago and since then I have been having major difficulties with feeding him.

We started off ok but i was concerned about how much he was getting, it took a very long time and also it hurt my nipples, I have large breasts and flat nipples so he seemed to struggle. He lost weight and became jaundice and the hospital recommended that I express milk and feed it to him in a bottle to see how much he was getting, I did this and soon found that I couldn't keep up with that level of milk production (I would also try and breastfeed him but he would be feeding for 2 hours and still be starving hungry and I would be in agony and tears and then he would drink two 60ml bottles of expressed milk).

I'm in a constant state of anxiety about how much ebm I have stored in the fridge.

Basically I have ended up extremely upset and had to buy formula to top him up. I have nothing against formula but want to ultimately breastfeed him properly. I have also now got nipple shields to try and combat the pain, his latch was checked by the midwife who said it was fine and she also said there is no tongue tie. The nipple shields seem to be working ok but I have only tried them once and again it took 1 1/2 hours. DS doesn't seem phased by the changes between bottle and breast and shield.

Currently I'm in a bit of a mess of breastfeeding when I can afford the time, feeding expressed milk when I have enough and then topping up with formula when I have run out of time/ebm.

I wondered if you had any advice at all that might help me? Please help. I know I'm not doing very well and may have made things worse. Please be gentle with me.

From a frustrated and anxious first time mum.

OP posts:

Soontobemama · 18/10/2013 10:47

Breast feeding does take hours at the beginning. My baby would sometimes feed for 3 hours! You just have to go with it I'm afraid. It's their way of building up your supply.

Do you need to express? If you stopped it would be one less thing for you to stress about.

My baby is now 9 weeks and feeds take ten minutes. It does get so much easier. It took about a month for me to feel I'd got the hang of breastfeeding and to not dread it.

tiktok · 18/10/2013 10:49

Hopelass, this sounds like a very difficult start :(

I can understand the confusion and distress you are in - you ate currently feeding in the most difficult way imaginable - direct feeding, with and without shields, expressing and feeding with a bottle, feeding with formula, and in pain.

You are right - this is a mess that needs sorting. None of this is your fault at all. If anyone is to blame, it's the people whose job it is to help you get breastfeeding going well, and they may have misdirected you. They seem to have neglected to explain that expressing and giving in a bottle is not done (or should not be done) to see how much the baby is getting - I don't understand that. Clearly your baby needed to feed somehow and expressing is sometimes essential if the baby is not getting it direct....but it's not really a helpful guide to needed intake, as babies may often appear to need greater volumes from a bottle (as they also get their sucking comfort that way).

Here's my suggestions:

call any of the breastfeeding lines (numbers on the MNbreastfeeding pages)
ask for a further check to rule out tongue tie
try baby-led attachment (google it, or google biological nurturing, laid back breastfeeding....it's all more or less the same thing)
try breastfeeding in the bath (combined with baby-led as above)
make sure you have someone around you who will do everything else in the house and who will nurture and support you
keep your baby close to you, skin to skin when you can, so you can respond quickly to feeding cues before he gets upset

Have you had him weighed? Is the jaundice going? Good sign to look for: several soft yellow poos every day.

Hope things get sorted soon.

NotQuiteCockney · 18/10/2013 10:49

Ok, by definition, if you are in agony, the latch isn't right. I don't care what the midwife sees, the latch is obviously not great.

And a bad latch means he will expend more effort and time for less milk.

What part of the country are you in?

How do you feel about calling one of the helplines?

tiktok · 18/10/2013 10:50

Yes - forgot about asking someone to observe and see if the way your baby is attaching can be made more comfortable....good point, NQC!

Sammie101 · 18/10/2013 10:57

This may not be the problem but when I was breastfeeding every single midwife said my DD had the latch right, I just had to "persevere" through the immense pain I had when she was feeding.
I then saw a lactation consultant at a different hospital who said that whilst her latch was wrong, she wasn't sucking correctly. She said that she was sucking like a piston, with her cheeks going in. She then put her index finger in DD's mouth and gently stroked the top of her mouth in a kind of "come hither" finger gesture (hard to explain!) to encourage her to suck correctly. This worked for us and I never have any pain whilst feeding her, we've been happily ebf for 11 weeks now :) I know it's a long shot but it might be worth a go. Definitely see a lactation consultant if you have access/can afford to! Good luck :)

Original poster

Hopelass · 18/10/2013 11:02

Thank you for your replies so far. The jaundice has gone yes, and he has regained half of the weight he lost. I have contacted the NCT breast feeding counsellor and am waiting for her to get back to me. I'm not averse to contacting the helplines, I just wonder what sort of practical advice they might be able to offer?

I will ask again about tongue tie and latch. I have had two midwives so far tell me both are fine which is why I thought my flat nipples are the problem.

Today I have just breast fed him for as long as it takes and will just sit on the sofa and persevere. It's just so hard and I'm constantly in tears. I can't see how I can ever leave the house if it will take me 2 hours to feed him each time

OP posts:

Original poster

Hopelass · 18/10/2013 11:03

Thank you Sammie I will try and get some further advice about latch. NQC I'm in Manchester.

OP posts:

Sammie101 · 18/10/2013 11:20

No problem, I really hope it gets better for you! I shudder at the thought of my first 2 nights breastfeed, the pain was just awful!

tiktok · 18/10/2013 12:23

Hope you get a call back.

I am an NCT bfc - look at the practical stuff on my list :)

The bfc can talk about all of that with you - and you can raise it with her, if you want to - and help you work out what would be right for you.

redcaryellowcar · 18/10/2013 12:47

I think you have had lots of good and practical advice which I would really encourage you to follow especially getting in tough with lactation consultant (chase up nct if no response!)
just wanted to share that ime first few weeks you are rather tied to the sofa, long feeds and lots of snuggles, I had lovely hv who said it was quite possibly natures way of making sure you rested enough, and that spending a day in bed with baby feeding and snoozing (baby next to you in cot) was a great way to help establish supply. send dp or friends out for magazines.and dvd box sets, stock up on easy to prep food (and maybe a few mars bars) and be confident that by the time your little one is about four weeks old you will almost certainly have this down to a fine art, with my ds I couldn't believe the transformation!

Original poster

Hopelass · 18/10/2013 12:52

Thank you so much for your replies I really appreciate it. I'm so determined not to give up yet at the same time it's so hard!! I've confined myself to the sofa and dh is running round for me whilst DS is on and off the breast. I'm hoping this will help

OP posts:

Hardrockhallelujah · 18/10/2013 13:03

Just a thought... I was in pain feeding my daughter and I was certain the latch was wrong. Saw several peer support bf people and they couldn't see a problem. Turned out it was thrush. Have done 16 weeks ebf so far after treatment. Might be worth just having a look in his mouth to rule it out if nothing else.

Good luck OP. Hope it improves for you soon.

makati · 18/10/2013 13:07

I just wanted to add that my start with breast feeding was just like this too, but a lovely NCT bf counsellor chatted to me over the phone and really helped me and DS. So much so that I ended up breast feeding her for 18 months! My life-savers were nipple shields and a big V shaped pillow, ice cream and day time TV . Good luck xx

crikeybadger · 18/10/2013 13:20

Not all mw's are that good at spotting tongue tie....you only have to read the posts on here to see that. If you can see someone like the infant Feeding specialist at the hospital or even pay for a lactation consultant then you will be getting really good help.

Thrush is a possibility but is often over diagnosed and is rare in such a young baby.

Hope you have a good day today.

badguider · 18/10/2013 13:31

not much to add except that being confined to the sofa to feed will NOT last.
I basically stayed home and fed for the first three weeks but now ds is 7wks tomorrow we're out and about daily. It does change, honestly!

Does your area have nhs bf clinics or the hospital where you gave birth have a specialist? going to bf clinic at 6days and 3wks are the two best things I ever did - they gave me sustainable plans/routines that gave me enough rest and ds enough milk (other mws and hvs while lovely just didn't have the specialist knowledge).

(my ds was tongue tied and jaundiced - diagnosed at 6days, snipped two weeks later but bf clinic was great for others with other issues and no tt)

petalsandstars · 18/10/2013 13:58

Just to add it's worth having a look online for local breastfeeding groups such as la leche league or breast friends. Sure start centres often have breastfeeding cafes where you can get help and support and advice.

Or have a search on Facebook to see if there are any groups on there local to you.

Kelly mom is a good website to look at too. If you persevere you will get through this and back to fully breastfeeding I'm positive.

Original poster

Hopelass · 18/10/2013 20:12

Thank you so much for all your advice I am really grateful There are a couple of bf groups nearby on Monday and Tuesday which I plan to go to. I have sat all day on the sofa just gritting my teeth and feeding non stop. Just wondering when feeding might start being more effective and taking less time or is that one of those 'how long is a piece of string' questions? It's really important to me to get out as much as I can as having suffered from depression in the past I know being housebound has the potential to cause similar feelings again which obviously I want to avoid.....

OP posts:

zoobaby · 19/10/2013 03:46

Are shields working? I'd also suggest lathering up with lansinoh before, after and during feeding if necessary. After a couple of weeks I was able to cut back to only applying afterwards. Before you know it, you won't need anywhere near as much.

Splatt34 · 19/10/2013 08:11

In your OP you said you were breast feeding when you could "afford time". Please don't think you should be doing anything else at the moment. let the house be messy. let dp go to the shops. if people want to visit make them do jobs (wash up, vacuum, bring dinner). At the moment all you need to do is feed baby. It doesn't last long. Before you know it you'll be wishing these days are back. If you can get to a clinic do. My hospital has a daily drop in one & they were brilliant. I think i went twice a week for first few weeks for reassurance & support.

good luck x

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