healthy eating while breastfeeding...

[StuckOnARollercoaster]

I am getting not so subtle pressure from my mum and in-laws regarding my eating and putting baba onto some formula. I am fobbing them off that its not their business but their constant digs are starting to niggle me - what if there is some truth in what they are saying.

Firstly because I have lost a lot of weight that my diet is not good enough - this is an average/typical day: Boyfriend brings tea and a couple of biscuits when he leaves for work at about 6.30. I will then have my breakfast of porridge, toast with peanut butter or muesli about 9.30/10ish. Lunch is about 1ish and that will be a salad sandwich, soup and bread or a veggie hotpot. (I follow the hay diet of not mixing carbs with protein so I don't have protein in this meal). Mid afternoon or when out I'm likely to have some more tea and cake or biscuits. About 5/6ish I have a protein snack - some cold meats or maybe some nuts. Eat dinner quite late at about 9ish and that is always protein - something like roast chicken, a stew or pork escalopes, usually with at least 2 vegetables or a big mixed salad, often followed by fruit and ice cream.

The big changes from pre pregnancy is the biscuits, cake and occasional ice cream - which I figure I want and don't deny myself because of breastfeeding. Other than those I think my diet is healthy - I get plenty of veg at both lunchtime and dinner. I'm not a huge fan of fruit but I try to make up for it by eating plenty of veg. I don't think my weight loss is continuing - rather I am stabilising at a healthy size, where before I would have said I was slightly chubby (Am 5'7, quite solid looking, currently in size 12 clothes, used to be in 14's)

My baby is thriving - born on 75th percentile, fell to 50th initially but was back to 75th by about 8-10 weeks and seems to be tracking that. She seems healthy - not a fat baby but plenty of chub on her belly, arms and thighs, although she seems to have a constant sniffle and runny nose. Is my diet poor and contributing to her colds?

Lastly apparently I look tired and I should put her on formula so she sleeps through the night. I actually don't have a problem with her sleeping - we put her down about 7ish. She will have another feed about 11/12ish when we go to bed and then will sleep till 5/6ish. This isn't every day - so the nights where I may have a wake up at 3 or 4ish do usually result in me being bleary eyed the next day. I am at home so if I want to nap when DD does then that's what I do. If its gone on a couple of nights in a row I might ask MIL to take DD for a few hours in the day with some expressed milk so I can either catch up on some admin, housework or just rest.

I feel like when I do this I am being judged for not putting her onto formula so she sleeps more, when I know from mumsnet that formula is not a magic food that makes babies sleep. Even more why would I introduce it when she's got a cold - less stress on her digestive system which is only used to digesting breastmilk. The typical comment is (from M and MIL) 'I know I don't know anything about breastfeeding, but surely your life would be easier if you gave her the odd bottle of formula - its not poison you know'.

I realise I have poured a whole lot of stuff out - and its quite an essay. Would be good to hear some independent views as to whether my diet is poor and I should be eating differently?

Also I will not be putting baba on formula, but trying to educate M & MIL about breastfeeding supply and how much easier it is for me not to faff with bottles and sterilising is not working - any good one-liners to counteract the well meaning comments about using formula?

Thankyou

Direct them to kellymom.com. Great bf info, all properly referenced. Well done for standing your ground

Sounds like you're doing great to me.

I'm no expert, but you're eating regular meals and have established breast feeding. You seem to have a healthy attitude to food ie not calorie counting or restricting yourself.

I think they're interfering. Ignore them.

Your diet sounds great! They're right, formula isn't poison but as you say nor is it the answer to all ills. If you're happy breastfeeding and coping with the wakings, carry on!! Personally I wouldn't waste my limited energy on trying to explain it all to them - a simple "It's my decision and I don't want to introduce formula" would suffice - but if you want to try and educate them go ahead.

Tickled at "apparently I look tired"! Well yes, that's what happens when you have a baby (or any young child for that matter) because you spend most of your time catering to them and not yourself. IME this does not magically change when they sleep through

I think your diet sounds excellent! I'm lucky if I manage 3 cups of tea and some biscuits/cake all day then a wolfed down pasta based meal in the evening, that's about it! My dd is 4 weeks old and ebf. I put on 3.5 stone when pregnant and have already lost 2.5 stone of it - my mum has not mentioned it. But she would also love the bottles to come out...it sounds like you are doing brilliantly so ignore them I say.

Your diet sounds fine and in any case quality and quantity of diet has very little impact on breastfeeding and breastmilk, unless you are literally starving and chronically undernourished over years.

Your issue is the fact your mother and MIL don't know how to behave properly! Their granddaughter is fine and thriving. It is none of their business what your feeding choices are.

Ask yourself why you cannot be firm with them, so they both desist with the comments and unasked-for advice. It is very bad manners of them - I don't care if they 'just want to help' or are 'worried about you' or 'mean well'. You are an adult and it is not acceptable of them to comment like this, as if you were a child.

Why don't you tell them to stop? And if you have told them, and they still continue, then you are not being assertive enough to counter their appalling rudeness.

I agree with the other posters - don't bother educating. You won't convince them, from the sound of it.

Just tell them to stop.

Your diet sounds great. You also sound as if you are dealing with their comments really well.

If it's getting a bit waring could you say once, firmly, ''I've no intention of giving DD formula, I have made the decision to breastfeed as it's best for both her and me, please stop mentioning it.''

They might not realise the frequency or their comments or how they are making you feel. Don't have any self-doubt, you are doing brilliantly.

When my MIL has made comments about formula in the past, I have simply smiled, nodded and continued breastfeeding, until DD was 18 months. Now with DS (4 weeks) she doesn't even mention it.

If you don't want confrontation or to end up in a discussion, just ignore their comments. Sometimes silence can speak volumes!

Thanks all... When your baby is under the weather and you are feeling shattered it's a vulnerable time and self doubt can creep in a bit. It just goes to the core of motherhood to criticise that I am not nourishing myself or my baby well enough.
You are right I need to stop trying to educate - they are not going to get it why it's important for me to carry on breastfeeding. Also good practice for no doubt other things they won't like about my parenting. Need to say it's not up for discussion more and other times the smile and ignore technique!

I want to breastfeed for years not months. I am beginning to getting pressure from my in laws and mum to stop "can we have her for a weekend". But no. I want to do wants best for DD not what soceity says is ok.

The whole formula helps them sleep is nonscience. You are doing fine and you are giving your baby the best start in life which will last their whole life. You'll have less risk of breast and ovarian cancer. If your baby is under the weather your milk will contain antibodies which means that breastfeed babies are less likely to get ill and when they do they get better quicker.

Breastmilk is magic, keep up the good work