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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

11 day old BF baby constantly crying

24 replies

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 08:29

Title says it all really.

My little boy is BF, 11 days old and has cried almost constantly for 3 days. He isn't sleeping for any longer than 30-45 minutes day and night, the rest of the time he is crying, fussing, red faced, arched back.

He was weighed yesterday and has put on really well so that's a good thing.

I know there's typicaly a growth spurt around 10 days and am happy to feed constantly (this does make him quiet) but then he is really windy so cries and cries afterwards. I have tried winding him in every position imaginable and also used infacol but nothing seems to help. Sometimes we will get a bit of wind out but not always. He also has hiccups for large parts of most days.

I'm just getting really stuck and upset now, I am getting zero sleep and don't know how much longer I can go on for without crashing. It's horrible to hear him so upset because I feel like there's nothing I can do to help him.

Any thoughts? Tips?

OP posts:

FirstTimeMa · 11/10/2013 08:46

My DS was like this around 3 weeks and was really uncomfortable with wind/colic. Infacol can take a bit of time to start working so keep trying it. I didn't want to use a dummy but I tried out of desperation one day and found it really helped settle him. We also went to see an osteopath. I'm not sure which was the most effective out of the Infacol, dummy and osteopath but at this point he let us put him in his moses basket to sleep at night for the first time. Before that he'd been sleeping on my chest which was exhausting! He still suffered with wind/colic bless him but it did ease. And of course as he got older and his system matured he found it much easier to get wind up.

He's 5 months now and a joy (most of the time ).

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 10:03

Maybe an osteopath could work, the dummy did calm him but as soon as it comes out he cries again.

It's good to hear this stage can pass - although thinking that far ahead is do difficult in this sleep deprived state.

OP posts:

Sunnysummer · 11/10/2013 10:09

Also do get him checked for reflux - ours had this and it was really hard at first. If it is, medication and cutting out dairy and soy may help - but if they don't (sadly they didn't for us), do try to remember that none of this is forever, even though it can feel that way at 3 in the morning. If you need to use formula to have a good break while someone else is in charge for a bit that is absolutely fine too - although for us bfing has been a saving grace at is brilliant soother and less hassle when very sleep deprived, and do be aware that formula now might affect your supply in future.

Our main coping technique in the early days was using the sling as much as possible (very soothing, plus the upright position can be good for reflux or colic), take shifts and let everything else go - DH or mum or anyone other than you can worry about cooking and cleaning if needed, you just feed and then sleep whenever you can.

Soon it will be 12 weeks and you will be looking back on all this. Really!

tiktok · 11/10/2013 10:40

Evenflo, that sounds like a difficult start and it's not surprising you're upset :(

At 11 days - still v. much in the newborn period - it's too soon to be thinking in terms of reflux, dietary changes for you, serious problems with wind/colic....all these things may well be helpful to explore later, but at the moment, you need to rule out the simpler things first.

Newborns need to be close , connected and comforted, and they are 'hard-wired' to express that need by objecting in the only way they can - yelling and resisting being laid down to sleep somewhere away from their loved person. Many babies are not happy being anywhere but on or near the breast and your ds is in that category from what you say.

35-40 minutes sleep at a time is short, but it is not off the scale. He might sleep more if he is next to you, perhaps wrapped in a soft sling, or lying beside you in bed (following the rules for safe co-sleeping). Responding to these needs makes it more likely that he will trust the world, know he is loved, and gain confidence that his needs will be met, and he will cry less (good research showing this).

Is it possible for you to have a couple of days really responding to his needs and lowering expectations of his sleep, and seeing if you are both happier? Retiring to bed with him over the weekend would be a great start, if you have someone else around to do all the other 'stuff' :)

tiktok · 11/10/2013 10:42

PS less than 2 weeks ago he was inside you :) He may well be happier at the moment if this experience is replicated as far as possible on the outside...

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 11:23

Thing is tiktok I am more than happy to have him on me at all times cause he is ace BUT he doesn't settle on me either during the night...

OP posts:

tiktok · 11/10/2013 11:31

Does he sometimes settle on you ie in the day?

How about beside you, in the night?

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 11:39

Yes he is asleep on me now, during the day he will settle in the basket too most of the time but I like having him on me so don't always put him in there.

At night we try him in the Moses next to me which rarely works, on me at night has variable success too which is odd because in the day he will usually settle on me. It all just seems so different at night.

OP posts:

tiktok · 11/10/2013 11:48

There may be reasons why he is less comfortable on you at night - he may be a bit hot, or the way you are lying in the bed is likely to be different from how/where you are in the day, and he might prefer lying beside you. You could try it :)

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 16:38

Yes I think I might see how he is lying next to me, or I will try and replicate what we do in the daytime.
I think his trapped wind is a major problem though, poor thing just gets inconsolable.

OP posts:

lambinapram · 11/10/2013 16:42

An osteopath should be able to help with trapped wind.

fairy1303 · 11/10/2013 16:46

even has he been checked for tongue tie? DS had this and it meant that he was feeding constantly and really colicky because he couldn't latch effectively? Worth a shot. Tbh though the early days can be like this - have a read into the fourth trimester - he really doesn't know he's out of you yet, as tiktok says, slings are great as he can be close to you and you can get on.

My friend had a great thing - sort of a 'nest' to put in the middle of bed for him to safely co sleep with you, you could look.

We also used to put a hot water bottle in Moses, use one of nighties (with milk smell) as a sheet, feed to sleep then take water bottle out bad slip him in - tricks him because of the warmth and smell.

Also have you tried swaddling?

It is exhausting but will get better.

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 18:46

fairy - he had tongue tie snipped already so it's not that.
We do tend to swaddle him but during the early hours this doesn't seem to help either.

I'm not sure the problem is that he doesn't want to be away from me because if that were the case wouldn't he settle at night if he was with me? At the moment he doesn't settle regardless of where he is.

I am just getting really upset now, I start dreading night time because I know we are in for another battle. I haven't really slept since he was born which I know isn't helping but if he doesn't sleep I can't. My OH has been trying to have him as much as possible but no matter what happens when he cries I am instantly awake.

I feel like a lousy mother

OP posts:

FirstTimeMa · 11/10/2013 19:21

You are a brilliant mummy hence your concern. I felt very similar in the early weeks - I used to cry before bedtime because I just thought 'what's the point'. Sleep deprivation is so so hard. Although you can't believe it now it will get better. If it's a struggle while they're so young time seems to stand still. Believe me though soon you'll look back and it will seem like such a small period of time. I could never believe anyone that told me that but it's true. I used to wonder why anyone would have more than one but now I'm already thinking about another .

Original poster

EvenFlo · 11/10/2013 19:49

It's really hard to see beyond the next few hours though...

OP posts:

FirstTimeMa · 11/10/2013 21:29

I really feel for you. I won't tell you to "treasure this stage as it goes so fast". In hindsight it does but it really doesn't feel like it at the time. Problems with wind are awful as you feel like you know what the problem is but just can't solve it when it should be simple. Hopefully the Infacol will start to help a little bit soon. Have you tried some tummy massage as well? I think there are some videos on YouTube. Really hope you have a better night. x

FirstTimeMa · 11/10/2013 21:33

Could you call someone to see if they have any advice? One particularly bad night I called our local birthing centre cos I was just at a loss as to what to do and they were really helpful.

fairy1303 · 11/10/2013 21:39

You are doing so brilliantly.
I second calling the birthing centre - I phoned them in tears once and they were great.

I know this is hell. it feels like it will never end and you will never be able to enjoy your baby. You will. This phase IS short, no matter how it feels now.

Give up on EVERYTHING other than bfing and sleep. Sit, with choc, mags etc under duvet, instruct DH to bring you food, snooze.

Can you fb lying down?

Do whatever you need to do.

You are doing great. You will get past this.

I have, and I have been there too.

I know how it feels to resent your baby because your head is fuzzy from no sleep. It's tough, but it does get better. X

fairy1303 · 11/10/2013 21:40

HA! BF lying down I mean, FBing lying down is easy!

Overcooked · 11/10/2013 21:48

Wind is always much,much worse at night because you feed, wind and out them down so anything trapped remains trapped.

Have you tried different winding techniques? This sounds very odd and something you shouldn't do at night but DS was windy and I found that holding him under his arms and supporting his head wi my fingers then wiggling him from side to side worked really well.,so did holding him under the arms and doing a little drop down (again supporting his head).

If he is well established BF then I would say (and others would disagree) to persevere with the dummy, it does help (IMO) with uncomfortable babies.

Good luck, they're worth it xxx

fairy1303 · 11/10/2013 21:53

Have you tried the leg cycling thing too? And also raising head of his Moses basket - if he's a bit refluxy being more upright really helps.

Original poster

EvenFlo · 12/10/2013 08:01

Thank you for all of your suggestions and encouragement. It got quite bad last night so my mum round over and took over allowing me to get 4hrs sleep. She gave him some expressed milk and I have fed since then which has alleviated some of my concerns about 'nipple confusion'.

Have spent lots of time with my mum siince then and feel I have got a bit more perspective now I am less tired and able to see things more rationally. Just hearing how horrific I was as a baby has also helped cause I turned out pretty healthy and have a great relationship with my mum!

I suppose I just need to take one day at a time don't I?

OP posts:

FirstTimeMa · 12/10/2013 11:39

Absolutely. Take each day as it comes and before you know it he'll be a little bit older and it will be a little bit easier. Great to hear you have support from family. If your mum is anything like mine she'll be desperate to get her hands on your DS every chance she gets so make the most of it! Best of luck. x

nosleeptilever · 12/10/2013 12:20

Just a message of support that you sound like you're doing everything you can and are a good mum. My ds was very similar and I thought I was losing my mind and was the worst mum ever. He is 3 now and looking back I remember thinking it would never end but actually that phase is over very quickly.
We did end up discovering it wad silent reflux and what a.godsend for baby Gaviscon! If he doesn't settle eventually then a trip to GP can't hurt.

Good luck and congratulations on your new baby!

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