Should I switch to bottle feeding from breastfeeding - so tired!

[heebeegeebees2]

I've been breastfeeding dd2 for 3 months now (she's 12 weeks on Friday) and I have no physical problems with it at all (good supply, no pain etc..) and breastfed dd1 (now 5.5) for 11 months with one bottle of formula at 11pm until 6 months old.
However, I'm feeling really exhausted from it and finding it more demanding this time around with another one to look after and household to run. I've also been trying to do the E.A.S.Y routine (and bit of Gina Ford?) which was going OK but now has gone totally wrong and I'm finding it so frustrating because I don't know how much milk dd2 is getting so I can't work out whether she needs more to eat in the day to help her sleep more at night. It feels like total guesswork and sometimes she'll only go 1.5-2hrs between feeds and not the 3 hours recommended (which should be heading more towards 4!). We do a dream feed (formula) at 11pm but sometimes she only takes 2-3oz and then wakes again at around 3am. She had then been sleeping until about 6.30am but today woke up at 5.30am and I felt that she was hungry so fed her again having already fed her at 3am! I really can't face going back to 2 night wakings having gone down to just one for many weeks now. Could this just be a growth spurt?

I'm just finding it all really hard at the moment and I'm started to feel rather depressed. I suffered PND with dd1 and took anti-depressants. I haven't had the PND this time and so haven't been on medication (which I'm pleased about) and I'm wondering if my life would be easier bottlle feeding so that I can get my body back and feel a bit more in control?

I really don't know what to do and worried I'll feel guilty if I give up now....maybe I could just introduce a few more bottles and do mixed feeding?

Any thoughts greatly appreciated....

If it's the night feeds getting you down could you consider co-sleeping to get you through? Or even just the second part of the night?

3 months is prime growth spurt age and it really will get better after this. All this is upping your supply for the next 3 months or so :)

That said, protecting your mental health is important and if you think introducing another bottle, or even just giving a bottle at the second night feed, will help then you need to do what's right for you.

heebee :( :( Sorry things feel so overwhelming...definitely worth exploring your emotional and mental well-being with your GP or HV.

Here's some things to consider to help you make a decision:

• looking after a baby and a small child is exhausting - presumably your dd1 needs to be at school and have some routine in her day which can make it harder to have 'go with the flow' days with the baby - and this would apply bf or ff

• you have a high expectation of the routines - there's no reason on earth why your baby or anyone else's 'should' follow a book :) and it sounds a lot like you are frustrated because your baby is not doing what the books say she 'should' do, and that you are 'guessing' when she will need feeding again...this is a far more normal/usual experience than 'knowing'. Sometimes, accepting the 'guessing' makes life easier than trying to 'know' - it's often easier to adjust expectations than to adjust a baby :)

• babies feed for more than hunger - they feed for connection and contact and closeness. So working out how much a baby has taken in milk, and expecting that to let you work out in advance what and when she will need later, is to treat a baby like an eating machine...this is where the Baby Whisperer and GF go horribly wrong, 'cos babies are not eating machines :)

• giving formula is not necessarily easier - the milk has to be bought, stored, prepared and given; the bottles/teats have to be cleaned and stored. None of this happens by magic :) and the baby still has to be fed

two night wakings are normal* for a baby of 12 weeks - they really are. Your single night waking was unusual. Can you work out a way to make the night feeds easier for you? Co-sleeping?

• is there a way to make the household stuff easier for you? Can you get help? Relax standards if unrealistically high?

• breastfeeding gets easier and more adaptable as babies get to around four mths or so - the feeds tend to last less time, and the convenience of the whole thing kicks in :)

All these are points to weigh in the balance for you - hope they help a bit.

thanks NomDeClavier - I don't feel that co-sleeping is necessary as she's happily settled in her cot now since 7 weeks and she does actually sleep well in there and just wakes for a feed around 3am generally. It's just today that she also woke up at 5.30am so up until now it's only been 1 nightly feed for a good few weeks so I suppose I've been lucky!

It's good to hear that the reason things might have been going rather random is because of the 12 week growth spurt - I do have a feeling that that has a part to play.....I really do want to carry on if I can.

TikTok - thanks for all those great points. I read the breastfeeding bit elsewhere on mumsnet and saw a few quotes from you re routines and they make a lot of sense. So you're a breastfeeding counsellor?

You're right, I do have very high expectations for a routine, probably because it worked with dd1 but I need to realise that dd2 is different and has different needs and a different character! I think I'm getting there with using my instincts more and looking out for cues but I do feel like such a novice again! I think you're right that it's better to try to change our mindset than 'make' the baby fit in to what we want them to do....it's so tough though.

Yes, Gina Ford and Tracey Hogg (baby whisperer) do tend to make it seem all rather simple and straightforward when it come to feeding, saying things like 'offer 25mins on one breast then 10/15 mins on the other if baby is still hungry'. It's not always that simple! I've found that she's been happy and seemingly satisfied after just 1 breast sometimes and then starts to laugh and giggle and no amount of trying her to take more works!

I agree that breastfeeding is also far more convenient and no hassle of preparing bottle feeds. I do remember how handy it was with dd1....initially I thought I'd only breastfeed her for 6 months and then ended up doing 11! I think I just need to get through the next few weeks and I'm sure things will get easier. She's already taking less time with a feed than she used to and if my memory serves me correctly, I definitely started to enjoy things a lot more in general when dd1 was 4 months.

Like the routines, I probably do have unrealistic expectations about housework etc. although I'm not too obsessive. But as you say, having kids just IS hard work and there's no getting round that. It's hard with no family or anyone to really help out but then this was my choice so I need to get on with things. However, I will speak to my HV about how I've been feeling tomorrow.