Help me to decide what to do? I'm exhausted!

[Nodney]

I have 3 DS, 6, 2 and 16 weeks. The 16wk old is EBF on demand, my other 2 were bottle fed. My 16wk old only sleeps for about half an hour in his cot, then he wakes crying. He doesn't seem very hungry but is always keen to latch on and continue his sleep in my arms. I feed him, he falls asleep quickly and I put him back in his cot. Then, a maximum of half an hour later, he does the same again. He does have one extended period of sleep - about 3 hours from about half eight. The evenings he spends cluster feeding and dosing on the breast. In the day I put him down awake for his naps, he can fall asleep himself, but again, he doesn't have long then he wakes crying.

Does anyone have any advice at all? Would a bottle of formula settle him more at night? I don't know if I could relax enough to co sleep, and not sure what I'd do with DH - we don't have a spare room! Ive also had conflicting advice on the wisdom of co sleeping, although I love the idea! I've been BF as I'm concerned about allergies -my eldest is asthmatic - if I introduced just one bottle of formula at this stage would it make a difference?

Thanks for any advice - I'm so tired and it doesn't seem to be improving.

You won't know if giving formula will make a difference until you try it, so its important to think about how you'd feel if it didn't make a difference.

I 'couldn't' (well I could but I thought I couldn't!) BF my first 3 DC, who slept beautifully, but then EBF my DD who didn't sleep once on her own until she was 7 months old, not even in her pram, she had to be carried literally constantly. Now I'm EBF my newborn and he happily sleeps if put down, but I expected to bed share, I like it, do that's what I'm doing. I think some babies just sleep and some don't. Some are just 'easier' than others, but its also about our expectations and the modern, Western idea that babies sleep in cots and feed ever few hours is very far from what evolution intended and therefore not what many babies do.

Have you looked at the ISIS online website? Lots of good, evidence based info there about bedsharing. Even in studies (mostly very flawed) that do shoe an increased risk of bedsharing, they show no increased risk after 4 months anyway and not one of the studies seperate bedsharing when don't following safe practices and when not.

Thanks midori....will check out the website

Have a look at kellymom website for information, I'd question if baby is feeding for long enough, as mine gets sleepy after one side but a nappy change and moving about a bit means they wake up and take the other side too, so it could be that he's wanting feeding more often as he's not had both sides at one session.

If this isn't the case feel free to ignore

You could be right petal, he does only take one side. I've been nervous of waking him up too much as a few times he's woken up more but then refused to go back to sleep for a couple of hours! But that was a few weeks now so I will give both sides a go tonight. I will try absolutely anything. He might be my third son, but I'm a novice when it comes to BF! I'm feeling so rubbish right now. My eldest has a cold and is covered in hives, my toddler is miserable with a cold, and I've got a stomach ulcer giving me some pain. I just want to sleep!!!

Sounds like you're having a rough time but it will get better.

If it helps my lo is 4mo too and my day is something like. ...

7am feed
8am breakfast for me and toddler
9/10am baby sleep
11am feed
12pm lunch for me and toddler
1.30pm baby sleep
2pm toddler sleep for 1.5-2hrs
3pm baby feed
5pm dinner for toddler (and me if DH at work in evening) sometimes feed one boob to baby if fussing
6pm bath for both and toddler in bed by 6.45
7pm baby feed
7.30/8pm baby in bed
3am baby feed

Apart from the 5pm feed I give both sides each time and wake up whilst feeding to make sure baby has both.

Times are not rigid but it usually works around the above and overnight can be 1/5/8 etc instead of 3/7 if she's a bit unwell or growth spurt. Sometimes its more like 3/3.5 hours between feeds too. I don't stress about it tbh.

Have you tried carrying your baby in a sling/wrap in the day? My DD won't nap for long in the pram or Moses basket but she will happily sleep in the wrap for a couple of hours. It saves my sanity and means I can get things done.

I was going to suggest co sleeping and a sling too. These helped me massively in the earlier days with our two who were utterly exhausting too (DD especially).
You may already have made a big difference in terms of allergies so have done so well whatever you decide. Also (and there are reasons not to do this too of course) I

Pressed send by mistake... I once read that delaying early vaccinations by a month or two can reduce allergies too but I'm not saying you should, just worth finding out more if interested.
I feel for you as breastfeeding can be exhausting and I couldn't have kept going personally if hadn't coslept.

Thanks everyone, some good suggestions. I've got a kari me sling which I use as much as I can. He struggles a bit in it at first but does eventually fall asleep. I tried co sleeping a couple of nights ago, just for a few hours, and my DS did sleep better, but I couldn't relax enough to sleep. Last night I tried again and was a bit more successful. Thanks for the schedule, Petals, really really useful. My bottle fed babies were in a great routine at this age, but it seems different with my BF baby.