So, I was at Asda yesterday...

[browneyesblue]

I posted this on another thread, but straight afterwards I realised it would be better to post it here:

A bit off topic, but while waiting to pick up a prescription at the supermarket yesterday, I sat down by the shoe section (closest available seating) to feed DS2 (11 weeks). A nearby shop assistant said "there's a chair in the toilets where you can do that".

Now, the assistant seemed a little nervous, stumbling over the words slightly, so I chose to believe it was just a clumsy attempt to pass on information. I slapped on a big smile, and said "thanks, but I'm fine here".

What I really wish I had said though is that the toilet is not an appropriate place to suggest a baby should eat. I didn't say anything as a) I have a rotten ear infection and didn't feel like making any sort of conversation, and b) I didn't want the assistant to feel bad!

Now I wish I had said something so that in the future some mother who is not confident breastfeeding in public doesn't find herself being 'helped' into the toilet, or perhaps feeling less confident about breastfeeding while out and about :(

The reason I thought I should repost it here is that after my original post, I thought maybe I could pop back to the store and have a chat with them, trying to explain my thoughts on what had happened.

I don't want to be confrontational, so thought I'd ask here for advice on what to say. My only thought was that I was quite happily breastfeeding my child, so there was no need to suggest that I might go somewhere else (let alone a toilet!)

However, when I looked on the local Asda website for contact details I found a "more info" link for baby changing. I clicked it and found this:

"Where space allows we have installed a toilet for parents within the room for a hassle free shopping trip and a chair so you can comfortably breast feed your baby.
Alternatively bottle-warming facilities and free baby food (with purchases over £1) are available in stores that have Cafes."

This is the set up at my local store. This makes me angry, because again the suggestion seems to be that the toilet is not just a normal place to feed your baby, but the preferred one, especially since they continue by letting you know that bottle warming facilities are available in the cafe. Perhaps I am being over-sensitive following today's interaction, but it seems to strongly suggest that breastfeeding is for the toilet and bottlefeeding is for the cafe.

So, am I being a hormonal nit?

No you are not being hormonal. I have not and will not ever feed my baby in a toilet

I don't like this either. I get that some places put chair in the toilet area so mums are able to use it if they wish to, or want more privacy to feed. However, I can't help feeling the fact of it being their is suggestive, particularly to mums who are less confident in feeding out and about, that you are not welcome to feed elsewhere and should be hiding away.

I think you should email asda and point this out. Do you have a link?

Is it a baby 'room' like in sainsburys? in which case its usually a pretty large space and the toilets in a cubicle at one end with a chair up the other and a lockable door for privcacy and changing facilties and loads of room for a buggy, so I think you are being a bit unreasonable. You weren't being told to go there, just made aware of the facilities, which seems fair enough.

I've breastfed in asda using the toilet. It was a huge room with toilet, sink and baby change area. Sainsbury's version is better tho asthe toilet is in a cubical in the room so screened off. I'm not offended by the asda set up tho. If I was going to eat or drink in the cafe, I would breastfeed there. I'm pretty sure that nobody would object.

Another way to look at it is that bottle feeding mums have to use the cafe and so may feel the need to purchase something there.

Thank you! And yes, I agree it is suggestive. The way it's written (especially coupled with what happened instore) just seems to say that breastfeeding should take place in the toilet. I can't get over the fact that they are actually advertising their toilet chair. And as for comfortable - I've seen the one in our store. A rickety wooden thing, between the toilet & nappy bins.

I did a quick google, and it seems to be standard wording on all the local Asda sites. I've picked one at random: storelocator.asda.com/#!/store/wembley

If you scroll down to baby changing & press info, it's there. A comfortable toilet chair.

I think you're being a bit over sensitive. The shop assistant was probably just trying to be helpful, and I think the website tries to explain that they have a breastfeeding room which also has a toilet, rather than just sticking a chair in the ladies loo.
Personally I always try to visit Asda at my local retail park because the baby feeding room is so comfortable, and it's got a massive sofa to sit while feeding. Much nicer than the one in Mothercare. It does have a toilet, but I find that helpful - no need to try and squeeze the pram into a cubicle with me.

My local Asda has the same set up, but I have to say that whenever I've fed in the cafe I've found staff to be very helpful (carrying trays/ offering to fetch me things etc.).
Locally, Sainsbury's, Tesco and Debenhams all have a similar set-up but I've also fed in there cafes (and once in the Debenhams shoe section, on a foot stool) and have never been challenged or made to feel unwelcome.

Their, not there - half asleep, feeding....

If they must mention breastfeeding on the website, perhaps something more along the lines of it being welcome throughout their stores would be better.

And maybe a free cake glass of water in the cafe

I honestly don't think the store assistant was trying to be rude, but on reflection it did seem strange to offer the chair in the toilet to someone mid-feed. If that had happened 3 years ago, with DS1, I'd have unlatched and gone in there because I'd have felt too embarrassed not to after it being pointed out.

And no, it isn't a large space where you can sit away from the toilet. If you sat on the chair, the toilet is on one side of you and the nappy bins on the other.

I am now happy to feed wherever, but there are many women who aren't confident (I used to be one of them), and it wouldn't take much to make them feel that they should, rather than could, be in that toilet.

I think you're taking this way to seriously. I thinkbthe shop assistant was trying to be helpful. I get annoyed with "baby rooms" when there isn't a toilet as I have ti change her in one place then try and find a disabled (which often gets more of a raised eyebrow) to fit me & the buggy and the toddler in.

I have never breast fed in these special rooms. I always sit in the cafe & have never had anyone pass any comment. I do think that people make a big song and dance about breast feeding in public about issues that don't exist.

Maybe thats why the shop assistant sounded nervous? trying to help without offending? Its a shame really.

Asda is the only place I've had comments and that was in the cafe though from other customers rather than staff probably because there only seemed to be one member of staff

I'd give the benefit of the doubt. Some people, me included are not happy to feed in public because it still feels like getting my boobs out. I'd rather sit in a private room and they're providing the option.

If only all stores could have a John Lewis feeding area!

Splat, I couldn't agree more!! Why do they not put an adult toilet in a changing room?!

In our local asda, there is a large baby changing room with 2 chairs for feeding but also a toilet in there. Probably for toddler and convenience. I personally don't see anything wrong with this set up as with a toddler in tow (or several children down the line) you may not be able to have such a strong stance on where you feed. However, since you were happy where you were and should have been offending nobody, I too would have been a bit put out by the suggestion that you might be better somewhere else.

Not being senitive. I don't have an issue with those rooms and they were very handy at times. But you breast feed where ever you feel comfortable. She was clearly uncomfortable and would have liked you to move.

I think she 100% should have suggested the cafe but maybe she was worried people might want to try on shoes and wouldn't have room? I feed everywhere and anywhere but think I would have gone to cafe? I have fed in my asda cafe loads of times, half the time without buying anything

You're not being sensitive :)