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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Extender BF-ers - tell me how old your DC was when they gave up

37 replies

thereinmadnesslies · 30/09/2013 21:03

That's it really. DS is 4.6 and still has a BF at bedtime. I never set out to feed him for this long. DS has a milk allergy and so it was suggested that I carried on with BF until 2, and then from there we've gradually cut down to just a bedtime BF.

DS says he will stop when he was 5, but then he said he would stop when he turned 4 and didn't. I don't want to destabilise him right now by forcing him to stop. He's just started school so he's exhausted. But I'm starting to worry that at some point he will tell the other kids about his bedtime routine and they will laugh at him.

How old were your extended BFers when they stopped?

OP posts:
WoTmania · 30/09/2013 22:34

DC3 is also 4.6 and still going :), she nurses maybe twice a day these days. Occasionally she goes without, occasionally asks more often.
DC2 was just over 4 but had cut down a lot more by then - partly down to nursing during pregnancy and tandeming for 27 months I think.

Jenny70 · 30/09/2013 22:38

Mine all gave up around their 3rd bday, always during really busy time when they crashed out and forgot to ask (and I didn't offer). By the timethey asked, I brushed them off with cuddle and story.

What happens if you are out, or don't do the bedtime routine?

Pachacuti · 30/09/2013 22:40

DC1 was 3.2 (stopped when DC2 was born and never asked again, which surprised me as I'd been expecting to tandem feed).

DC2 was about 20 months (so not really extended, but still NTBF) -- DH came back from working abroad and DC2 developed major Daddy fixation which equated to lack of interest in me for a while.

DC3 still going at 2.7 with no sign of stopping.

amouseinawindmill · 30/09/2013 22:48

Just before 3yrs. I said we could have a weaning party and he could choose any cake and party plates he liked from the supermarket. It was just me and him having this "party" btw; not an extened family celebration Grin
It worked a charm: he only asked once to bf after that, a few days later, and he was easily distracted.

Flatiron · 30/09/2013 23:25

Of my three, DS1 had an enforced stop at 2.5, when DS2 was born. I handled it all really badly, I think, and feel guilty to this day. In fact I could cry now when I think about it. Sad (He is 19 and at uni, and says he can't remember, and doesn't hold a grudge!)

DS2 started biting me, while feeding, at 13m, so we came to a mutual decision to stop.

DS3, born after a gap of 8yrs, was still feeding to sleep at night when he was 4. He stopped almost overnight, after he got his new bed, which happened to be a cabin bed which was too difficult for me to get onto, to lie beside him!

Original poster
thereinmadnesslies · 07/10/2013 18:54

Thanks for the messages.

We talk lots about giving up. If I'm not there at bedtime he gets upset with DH and cries for me, he's fine with the very occasional babysitter though. DH's job means he's not around at bedtime 2/3/4 times each week, so I can't just get DH to take over.

I'm well ready to stop, but I worry he will be really traumatised if I start refusing the bedtime BF. as well, he is so tired from school I really do not want to prolong the bed time routine by refusing this creating tears.

OP posts:
Original poster
thereinmadnesslies · 07/10/2013 18:55

Mouse - I love the idea of party. The problem is he'd probably choose BF over any party or sticker chart / bribe.

OP posts:
Llareggub · 07/10/2013 18:58

I'm afraid I am in the same boat. DS is also 4.6yrs and he tells me he will give up at Christmas. He also said that last year. Interestingly, he has a virus at the moment and won't stop feeding. He told me it is because he is ill.

At the end of the month I will have been breastfeeding continuously for 7 years. I wonder if that is why I am knackered?

Original poster
thereinmadnesslies · 07/10/2013 19:07

Oh llareggub I know exactly how you feel - I have a 7yr old too.

OP posts:
Robbabank · 07/10/2013 19:42

Hi my eldest weaned herself gradually from 3 - 3.5. Just slowly stopped asking as much but her sister (2nd child) was feeding at the same time (2yr age gap). So my 3rd is months and her older sister is 4.2 and still very much likes a bf whenever she can get it! But luckily she isn't dependent on it at nighttime or for getting to sleep. She usually has about 1 'side' a day but sometimes more, sometimes less often. Depends on whether she can get a look in with her baby sister.

In your case it sounds like your son really gets comfort from it at night still, and having started school it's kind of a sensitive time for him. My 4.2yr old doesn't really talk about it outside the home, and my hunch is that your son probably won't either (I think they kind of know that not everyone does it). And even if his peers do find out, that may be a part of the catalyst that means he self weans. You can't rally prevent that, more help him feel ok about it for as long as he wants to continue.
You could try to reduce it a little maybe by saying that soon you will only have the bedtime feed every 2nd night and in between he gets a cup of warm milk and piece of banana or a

Robbabank · 07/10/2013 19:44

Sorry posted too soon. Or a plain cookie or whatever he likes in that line as a little bedtime 'supper' and you co

BlessThisMess · 07/10/2013 19:47

Made her stop when she turned 6. It really was getting ridiculous.

Robbabank · 07/10/2013 19:48

...could make a little treat out of it. (Sorry am feeding baby to sleep and a bit trigger happy/one handed writing.) that might just space out the feedings a bit. Or you could try and agree to have it earlier, before story and lights out so that he doesn't associate it so much with falling asleep and do lullabies for falling asleep.
I bet there are lots of his peers who still have little bedtime habits that others might c

Robbabank · 07/10/2013 19:51

Jesus my baby keeps tapping my phone making me post too soon! Anyway, ...that others might consider childish - dummy, pull ups, favoirite manky blanket etc, who knows... Smile

MrsCocoa · 08/10/2013 22:51

I'm here by accident too. DS turns 4 next week - for a long time we've discussed stopping when he's 4, but now it's in sight, he says 5!

He's most attached to an early morning feed and snuggle - really persistent, and won't be distracted.

Don't want to turn this into a traumatic battle, but I'm ready to stop.

GeorgianMumto5 · 08/10/2013 22:57

Aw, that's lovely, OP.

Dd was 2 years, 5 months. I was expecting ds and the latch was painful. I told her I'd run out (liar!) and she believed me. Ds was 2 years, 10 months. With him I actually did run out!

loveolives · 09/10/2013 19:59

DS self weaned @ 16 months.

cupoftchai · 11/10/2013 17:34

This is petrifying! Dd is also 16months and I don't want to keep on feeding for years and years, I'm knackered, I dread her asking for it while we're out. I have been hoping she would just lose interest.

WoTmania · 11/10/2013 18:13

cupoftchai - she will, one day Grin

There's a book called How Weaning Happens which might be useful, or you could get to your local LLL group. There are plenty of gentle ways of discouraging her and hastening the weaning process:

-don't offer don't refuse

-delaying 'Yes, once we're home/once I've cooked dinner'

-not forming a lap. Some mothers find keeping moving for a couple of weeks (at least while they are awake) helps as they forget to ask when the lap doesn't form.

-keeping busy - the reverse of the suggestions when nursing strike etc happens....keep busy and distract distract distract.

-tanking up on contact with plenty of cuddles - sometimes the only time we really sit down with them is when they ask for milk so they automatically ask as they know they'll get cuddles. If cuddles don't work offering a drink or a healthy snack can be the next port of call

  • nightweaning is something that some mothers find either precipitates weaning or they find that if they aren't feeding their baby at night they feel more able to put up with it in the day.
HorryIsUpduffed · 11/10/2013 18:29

2y2m both times.

It was my pregnancy wot done it.

SPBisResisting · 11/10/2013 18:31

I weaned DS at 4.
DD tailed off at about 3y6m. She's just turned 4 and it's definitely been months since her last feed

ZippityDoodahday · 11/10/2013 18:44

DS is 18 months old & I do NOT want to feed him until such a time that I have to negotiate feeds with him/when we're going to stop.
I want to do parent led weaning but have no idea how to go about it because ds2 still bf at night & several times throughout the day. I'm so tired & I know it's because I'm bfing a huge (big for his age) toddler. 2 is my cut off.

YoniBottsBumgina · 11/10/2013 18:51

DS was just over 4 as well. I sort of encouraged it by starting to be a bit freer with my "no"s. If I couldn't stomach the thought of being touched or I thought he was asking to extend bedtime then I said no. He started to ask less and then one day he was ill and I explicitly offered and he said no, and that was when I realised he'd weaned.

Everything was fine until about 6 months later when he suddenly started asking for it but my milk had dried up by then, so I explained this to him (I think I let him try once just to show him) and he was a little bit upset but nothing major - he gets more upset if I say no more TV today! He went through a phase of asking quite a lot and then, again, he just stopped. He's 5 now and hasn't asked in ages.

One of my friends is tandem feeding and was finding it a bit much, she now warns her DS that he can have and then she counts down from that number, I think she started with 10 and then reduced it down. It's a nice way to reduce their reliance on it without taking it away completely.

YoniBottsBumgina · 11/10/2013 18:54

It's not so bad Chai, you're in the worst age for it when they look "too big" but they still need it quite a lot. In a few months you'll find she either understands it's something you only do at home or she only wants it morning and night anyway.

cupoftchai · 12/10/2013 18:44

Thanks all. I do feel really torn about stopping/ carrying on. There are so many lovely things about breast feeding a toddler- for instance we just took a flight and she was great, I fed her as much as she wanted and she slept while most

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