Bottle refuser and returning to FT work

[RubyrooUK]

EBF DS2 is 6mo old and I am trying to cut down his day breastfeeds as I have to return to work full time in three weeks.

I am finding this very emotional (even though I had to do the same for DS1) and DS2 is proving to be a total bottle refuser (also like DS1).

He spits out any formula that makes it in. He used to take bottles of expressed milk on occasion but now has stopped and goes mad when he sees a bottle. So he won't even do that. He likes water in a sippy cup but won't touch it with formula in it.

I just feel so tired. I've got a baby and a three year old. I have to return full time to a demanding job. It would take me 1.5 hours during the day to express enough for DS2 at nursery and I just can't see when I could do it with my type of work.

Nobody understands how stressed I am about DS2 not taking bottles. DH just says "oh DS1 survived and was fine on solids and night feeds". Which is true but it nearly killed me as I was up most of the night.

Other people keep saying "oh if he is hungry enough" but DS1 NEVER took a bottle and waited all day for me to return then breastfed up to eight times overnight until he was a toddler. Nobody I know who works ever seems to have had bottle refusers - either they stayed at home so it didn't matter or they worked and used bottles.

Don't know what I want to day really. Just feel shitty for me, shitty for DS2 and I just feel like history is repeating itself. If he needs to feed all night, I will do it as it's not his fault I have to return to work. But I just wish he would take a bottle during the day so he doesn't feel hungry on tops of missing me.

That's it really. Just feel so so low.

Want to "say", sorry. Sleep deprived.....

"On top" obviously, not "on tops". I am very very tired.

Sympathy it is so hard at times. When do you you return to work?

This must be so stressful I can't give you advice but hopefully someone will come along with practical tips.
Have you spoken to your Hv at all they might have some ideas?

Any chance you can wait a bit longer before returning to work? I'm hoping to get DS to drop all daytime feeds (apart from first thing and before bed) before going back, as he totally refused bottles - but not sure that'd be great at 6 months. Sorry, not much help.

Replied too soon. I have a bottle refusing DD2 (nearly 7months) have had limited success with a doidy cup but most likely will work, not feed/express in the day and feed at night when I go back in 8 weeks.

I think if you want a solution you have to maybe consider what's acceptable feed wise (many HV will say 2/3 feeds at that age) so feed morning, after work and evening or morning, evening and 10pm. Boost his food with cheese, milk on cereal etc.

I think I let going back after DD1 (now 2.5) make me feel I had to feed at night which I did til she was 16 months. You don't have to feed all night but would need to sleep train (DH involved fully I think)

Would a sleep training target help? Look at jay gordon's idea?

Good luck xx

I could have written your post 6 months ago! Have you tried ready made formula rather than powdered. Our DS went to the child minders taking this stuff out of a sippycup- wereas he wouldn't touch powdered. It was expensive but worth it to get some fluids into him.

Sorry I have just seen you said 3 weeks. I still wonder if you could try set times if not now in a couple of months. That might keep you going. Also make sure both you and DH get child free naps at the weekend.

I'm sure some people will come along and say co sleeping but I know there is no substitute for actual sleep.

Have you tried a million different bottles teets etc? I'm sure you have but if not my 2 friends with ebf bottle refusing monsters were finally persuaded the nuk yellow looking teets were ok with daddy and then built up from there, so 50:50 ebf and formula (ready made also) then gradually changed mix levels?
It's so stressful I'm aware but at least with yoghurt cheese and milk they won't by dehydrated or starve with calcium
I've been there too, wish you well x

Hello, thanks for the replies! Sadly I can't delay my return to work any later (although I am still hoping to win the lottery and not to go back
at all). I have to return in three weeks. Sadly, it's not the kind of place where people would understand that a baby could struggle taking a bottle and you would have issues leaving them as a result. Anyone else who has returned to work has bottle fed from the start.

I've tried cartons of formula but DS2 doesn't like them either. He REALLY objects to having the teat in his mouth. He does like sippy cups, but not with milk in them!

I think part of the problem is that he and I use breastfeeding for lots of things - not just hunger, comfort too - so I don't always offer the bottle at the right moment. For example, he often roots a lot at about 11am so I decide to offer a bottle but he isn't really hungry, he's just tired and wants the help of a breastfeed to fall asleep in comfort. So the bottle just annoys him. Perhaps I will try some bottles later in the day instead and see if that helps....

I can't believe I got a second bottle refuser. I was apparently a bottle refuser too. This is karma.

Halo, my DS1 was the only child his nursery has ever had to totally refuse bottles despite being full time from 9 months old. The staff used to give him a bit of Greek yoghurt when other children had their feeds. He is now three and just as stubborn.

my dd is 9 months and just found that she will take Dr Browns bottles, the teats are longer and softer so encourage sucking, if someone you know has one ask if you can borrow it to try, that's what we did and she took it straight away. I have total sympathy though, my dd feeds from me all night too, so I co-sleep, makes it easier for both of us, I just hope she grows out of it soon. good luck, try not to worry or stress too much!

Ihave some breastflow bottles that have been washed but not used if you want to try for cost of postage. I bought them because my dd was a bottle refuser when I returned to work and had it from a spoon at 5mths for a couple of weeks then summer hols and retried in Sept and took Avent bottles after 6wks of panicking she would be starving!

Thank you Flower, that is so so kind but alas I have tried those. There is not a bottle make on earth that has not entered this house (DS1 also refused bottles so I've really got every kind possible. The plastic bottle industry has probably made more out of me than a formula feeder using them from birth).

Well, so far the least hated variety is MAM. DS2 has not breastfed between 8:30am-4pm today and has survived on water, pea purée, chewing a bit of bread and yoghurt. He took four gulps (about a quarter of an ounce) of formula from a bottle this morning and then batted it away. He dribbled it out of his mouth this afternoon. This is progress for us. He is now cheerfully breastfeeding with intense dedication.

Ah well. My consolation is that DH gets to try offering borrles tomorrow. THAT should be interesting as normally he gets stressed when DS2 is upset and shouts "where are your mother's boobs?".

Borrles? I mean bottles obviously. My children have obviously reprogrammed the phone to refuse even to write "bottles".