A little reassurance introducing formula.

[pinkbear82]

Dd is 14 weeks old and is bf. we had a horrible time with her at 4 weeks when milk got into her lungs and she stopped breathing, this happened while feeding. I managed to carry on feeding her even though I was worried sick of it happening again.

I had been expressing so dp could give an evening bottle, bt to be honest he really didn't seem bothered and dd who developed reflux after her ordeal was/still can feed every two hours.

I have my best friends hen weekend at the weekend. It will be the first time I have left dd. I have been trying to express as much as I can between feeds, but worried I won't be able to leave enough so have brought some formula to make sure dd is ok. I have started giving a bottle of ff to a) get dd used to bottle again and b) to check she's ok with it before I have to leave her.

Tonight she was so upset with the bottle, real tears and not at all happy. I feel really bad like I'm forcing her to have something she doesn't want. If I am honest I don't really want to leave her in the first place, and am feeling quite guilty about it all.

Any tips how I can make it better for dd? Guessing I'll just get over my feelings and if dd is happy perhaps I'll relax.

Hello,
I'm a bf peer supporter, and I'm sorry to hear what happened to your dd at 4 weeks. That must have been truly terrifying. It's no wonder that this has caused you anxiety.

Can I ask how long you'll be leaving her for the hen do? Has your dd taken formula previously without any upset?

Also, do not disregard how you feel about introducing formula/leaving your dd. It is totally normal for mums to feel guilt over any decision. However it is extremely important that you consider your needs too.

I cannot tell from your op whether you definitely want to go or not on the hen do. Do you feel obliged to go? What is it that YOU want?

Was a terrible experience, but thankfully there doesn't seem to be any lasting effects.

If I'm honest I don't want to go to the hen do, it's a weekend thing, so leaving Saturday morning and back Sunday afternoon. I feel like I have to go as its my best friend and I'm her bridesmaid. Not looking forward to the drinking everyone will be doing and the fact I never have been a big drinker and even less so now. It's a spa weekend otherwise and perhaps the relax time would be good.

This is the first time dd has had formula, I know it's ok for her to have it, but I just don't feel happy giving her it. DP did the ff tonight as we thought it might be better for her not smelling my milk. It's really upset me.

I have some bm frozen and am trying to get some more expressed before I go so hopefully the ff will be minimal.

Guess if I felt better about it all it would help. DP has 3 children already and doesn't understand my feelings, probably doesn't help either.

Would it be possible to talk to your best friend and tell her how worried your feeling? I'd be inclined to not go if it meant too much stress. You really need to put yourself at the top of the priority list.

If you feel it's worth going, then go and have fun! Do a bit more expressing and have some ready made cartons on standby. I'm sure your dh will cope as he doesn't sound so emotionally involved in relation to the feeding.

It sounds like you are doing a fantastic job here, and remember it's only one weekend, you can always make a decision re the bottles of formula at another time. Just try and focus on what makes you feel happiest.

My friend was upset when I didn't go to her hen do (3 nights away) but my ds was older so she thought he didn't need bf, but it was important to me at the time as I knew I'd dread every minute of it. We recently went away on a spa weekend to make up for it.

I really hope that you go easy on yourself, as although bf has had you terrified you've come through so much, so successfully.

Thank you so much for your kind words. You have helped make me feel so much better.

I think I might go for the day, and come home the Saturday evening. That way I've done the main part. Will hopefully have enough expressed and also make that hard first have left the baby moment.

Luckily it's my mum having dd - DP has some racing on at the weekend and couldn't miss it (whole other thread)

Thank you again

I'm pleased to hear you feel better about this. Also your plan sounds like a good compromise.

With expressing, there is an emotional aspect that you need to be relaxed in order for your milk to flow. Pick a time where you feel most relaxed. Evenings are a good time as your milk supply is at it's peak. A baby is so more efficient at draining milk then a pump. Have you tried hand expressing? Also remember its quality rather than quantity, so save every drop!

I hope you have a brilliant time and get a chance to unwind.

I haven't tried hand expressing, I seem to be able to get about 4oz on a good session of expressing. Which I think may about be enough for a feed.

I tried a bottle and ff at 2.30 when she woke and she took it much better and settled as normal after. I'll keep going with it all and see how it goes. It's not a bad thing to know she'll take ff if needed.

Thank you again, you really have helped me get my sanity back!

Just a practical thought - if you're concerned about her not getting on with formula you can mix expressed milk and formula. That way you make the expressed milk go further but the bottle tastes more familiar and the combination is more easily digested than formula alone.

For reassurance on quantities there is an expressed milk calculator on the Kellysmom website.

Good luck!

Ooo mrs, that's a fab idea! I might just give that a go.

Thank you!