Are you feeding an older baby / toddler? Your input needed...

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DD is 25 months old. We planned to breastfeed for 6 months, then 12 months, then...well we just carried on. I loved it, always have, and she did too. I did a peer supporter course and now help new mums as and when I can (via a group, or online). DP has been very supportive as have family (I've had it v easy compared to friends and peers in terms of support).

DD has dropped feeds from 12 months old, taking to solids like a duck to water. I was happy with how natural this felt.

She has continued the morning feed (on wake up) which I've always been fine with and of course she 'ups' her feeds when teething or feeling anxiety (I'd put when she's ill, but she's never been ill, only with her teeth)

A lot of changes this summer - new job went from part to full time, nights away etc, increase in nursery care (previously worked from home) and this has resulted in seperation anxiety (from what I can see, quite 'mummy' and clingly, loves the time with me, hates not being with me and snubs DP in favour of me).

This last week has been tough. Early wakings, lots of feeds, teething, not happy at nursery etc etc. On Sunday, DP said that he thinks breastfeeding isn't helping. I've gutted to be honest. I personally don't think it is breastfeeding, I think it is seperation anxiety and she's generally just missing her mum (been there for 22 months practically SAHM but worked from home when she napped or after she went to bed). I replied to DP saying as much but it has got me curious about when or even IF I could just STOP feeding her. I don't see it being possible to be honest. She is very 'strong willed' as it is, I just don't see how I can stop her, even if I wanted to.

At the same time, I tried to tell DP that her behaviour is 'normal' but then felt myself thinking - I don't really know what 'normal' is at this age?

What are your opinions on stopping feeding now? Experiences good or bad of doing this? I always had in my head 2 years old (like I did at 6 months, then 12 months) but now we've reached 2 and gone past that, I just don't see any point in stopping until she's ready, especially when normally it is only once a day. At the same time, she is so clingly and not happy in other people's company, I'm questionning if my parenting decision to feed her has resulted in her being so attached to me.

As a side note, I'd probably say I'm like an attachement parent, but I fell upon the theory rather than followed it - it was normal parenting to me (sling, initially co-slept, bf, BLW, not letting her cry etc) At the same time, I can be strict and hear my own mums voice in my voice sometimes and set boundaries with dd by night weaning at 13 months and putting her in her own bedroom etc.

Sorry for long post, thanks for reading

Well done for getting this far! I can't comment too much but am interested as am wondering the same thing re. 16mo DS who is still having 2 feeds a day (morning and bedtime) but who has suddenly been a lot more clingy in the past week...well, since our first night apart the other weekend. And now I seem to be getting mastitis again (have had it twice and a couple of near misses - all same breast). I didn't think it would be possible to get it again since I'm doing so few feeds but making me wonder whether I should stop feeding DS (also we are trying for no.2 and I wonder if stopping BF would help this too)....BUT DS shows no signs at all of wanting to stop and seems to want a lot more than he's getting at the moment and asking for it if he wakes in the night now too. Sorry...not helped with your question at all but I will be watching to see for any other's experiences. Really hope you get something sorted fadbook and that DD and DP are ok about it all.

DD is nearly 20 months old. Had almost stopped bf-ing (her choice, I always offered) at 17 months when I began to take her to nursery for induction days. She did not like it, and started cutting teeth around the same time. We've just lived through a month very like you describe; she massively upped breastfeeding, was waking three/four times a night and feeding loads in the day. I went with it, DH and I having agreed it was her feeling upset at the new routine. It's calming down now, she only feeds once a night and though she still asks for feeds in the day that's dropping down too. So from my point of view, going with her needs/wants seems to have worked. Hope this helps!

Thanks BlueC2 I think in your case it will be seperation anxiety too and just general 'change' which they're not used to.

As for mastistis side, just keep an eye on it and visit GP if it keep reoccuring, you could have a blocked duct that keeps getting infected.

Not sure I can be much help. I bf ds1 to 18mths, ds2 is now 16mo and bf 2-4times a day/night.

With ds1 I made the decision to stop at 18mths, he was only on 1 feed a day by then and I did the 'don't offer don't refuse' technique. He didn't seem bothered at all by stopping and when I stopped offering he stopped asking, he did ask once 3 weeks after we'd stopped when he was ill, he tried to latch on but couldn't, he'd already lost the ability to do so. He never asked again after that.

Ds2 is a different matter - he's still feeding in the night, refuses any other milk and is also going through a clingy phase.

IMO (and it's only personal view!) bfing doesn't create 'clinginess' or separation anxiety, it is a comforting and reassuring way of being there for your dc when they've been away from you. I would expect that your dd's clinginess is much more the result of the other changes you mention than bf. going to nursery and suddenly having less of mummy's time at 25mths is going to be initially disruptive. IMO at a time of change if you can mantain some normal routines and comforts then that helps dc adjust to the changes so personally I wouldn't look to stop bf just yet until she's settled into nursery etc.

Yes Wiganwagon, that has helped.

To me it is a "this too shall pass" moment. It is tough at the minute but it is what it is. If anything, I think stopping BF'ing would probably make her seperation worse, and I can't see DP dealing with that very well.

We're trying to crack the early waking by cutting her day time naps right back and being a bit more 'routiney' too. We've never been in to routine, just let her 'lead' but now she's older, she's setting routines herself and when we deviate for our own selfish needs like going around a neighbours house for a takeaway and her stopping up until 10pm she then suffers.

This parenting thing is bloody hard!

Well if you want to cut down or stop BF I think you should do so when your child is not being unusually clingy. Removing a source of comfort (favourite source of comfort ?) should be done when she is feeling confident with the rest of her life.

have you looked at kellymom or analytical armadillo recently? They probably have some relevant articles.

Is it only the morning feed OP? I don't think one morning feed would cause separation anxiety?

My DD is 19 months and feeds loooooads!!!
She always favours me over OH and cries when I leave for work (part time). Would never pick someone over me - I too wondered if this was because of BF? It's very stressful when I need to get things done.

Don't want to hijack your thread but would love to know how you night weaned and how it went!

Thanks for the input so far everyone. I feel like a weight has lifted off my shoulders with the fact you agree with me (god knows why as I'm normally so happy and comfortable with our decisions of parenting but when your significant other, who's always been supportive, questions it, I think it's thrown me!)

Takingthepea google dr jay Gordon night weaning. A very gentle AP method of night weaning which I used at around 13 months. This alongside lots of other things such as reading the same stories at bedtime, talking to dd about bedtime and what's happening and changing where I have her the last feed (so in our bedroom or on the sofa, then take her to bed to read stories, letting her crawl upstairs etc giving her independence ) We had instant results. Can pm you my previous nickname as did a little thread on it at the time. The results were instant and because I expected it to be far worse, it was actually a breeze by the time we started it.

I think it sounds great, what you've been doing so far..

dd is now 21months and I can't see her stopping any time soon.

I don't think your dp is being very supportive. children want to feel loved and cared for, and if your dd wants to breastfeed as part of ensuring that you'll always be around, then so what? it's not a bad thing for either of you.
it's comfort as much as nutrition, and I can't see a problem

natural term breastfeeding is a term used to describe the practice of allowing the child to decide when to finish breastfeeding for good.
it's healthy and perfectly normal.

The thing about feeding an older toddler is that the need for bf'ing waxes and wanes. We (in our society) are used to babies reducing, spacing out their feeds and it only goes in one direction until they stop. Reality if you continue past a year is very different. It's very common for b fed 2 year olds to increase their nursing frequency, quite aside from all the changes yours has had recently.

I really recommend reading "Mothering your nursing toddler", which gives good information about the nursing habits of older babies and toddlers.

name - you're so rtight! my DD still views her BF as her main sourse of nutrition - if she's hungry that's what she goes for, thirsty, yup, tired, it puts her to sleep, wakes in the night, yup.