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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Advice for a friend, please

16 replies

LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 04/09/2013 23:29

Hi.

A friend is struggling with breastfeeding. She had a difficult labour with the baby's hand up by his face, and must be tired. I would love to know what to say, without being intrusive or rude. She is currently breastfeeding, but of course may choose to change, I don't know.

I'd like to know what things you would have wanted people to say in this situation - not necessarily advice, but what would have been encouraging and reassuring? She isn't posting about it directly, but made a slightly cryptic post on facebook, so I need the emphasis to be on things that will make her feel she's not alone.

Thank you!

OP posts:
ButteryJam · 04/09/2013 23:35

A friend told me that it will hurt for the first two weeks, and then it will get better.

I honestly wish someone had told me about mastitis, blocked ducts, engorgement, and tongue tie.

Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 04/09/2013 23:40

Thank you.

Is there a helpful website I could link to without being patronizing?

You see, I don't have children, but being on MN all the time, I am aware that many women do find this hard, and I think she is quite isolated in terms of friends who've had children. So it's a bit of a balance.

OP posts:
ExBrightonBell · 05/09/2013 00:00

La Leche League is probably what you could suggest, if she hasn't heard of them.

Also the KellyMom website is good.

Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 05/09/2013 00:27

Thank you! Those both look great.

If anyone has ideas of how I might best suggest these, please say. I just want to know what would have made you feel better if you'd been at the end of your tether, but with mostly childless friends. The last thing I want to do is to make her feel I am patronizing her, so need the right words.

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ExBrightonBell · 05/09/2013 01:02

In your position I might try something along the lines of "I wish I could support you more with feeding, but I have heard that the LLL are good to talk to about bf issues". They have a helpline that she could ring (0845 120 2918). There is also the National Breastfeeding Helpline on 0300 100 0212.

I don't think you would come across as patronising if you asked her about how it's going, just concerned and trying to be a good friend.

Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 05/09/2013 01:03

That sounds good - I will give it a go.

I really appreciate this, thanks.

OP posts:
evelynj · 05/09/2013 01:46

Ah, you're dead sweet-also stick a gentle offer of ' I also hear cake helps solet me know when you're ready for a quick visit & I'll bring some round.....

ab00 · 05/09/2013 07:58

Tea, hugs & cake will always be appreciated & welcome!If she's nervous or embarrassed about going to a group in her own (can be a bit intimidating to a new mum) you could offer to go with her for support? Also just something little like taking the baby for a little while so she can have a shower or make herself a cuppa could be c really good - in the early days you can sometimes feel a bit chained to your lo! Also second the above websites,suggest mumsnet to her too, lanishoh for soreness, jelonet for cracks & plenty of tissues & hugs at the ready with lots of non judgemental words of encouragement.
Maybe just ask her how it's going as you've heard from other people bf can be really hard, you think she's fab for giving It a go & you just want to help & support her anyway you can.

She's really lucky to have a friend like you & it's lovely you want to help her.

Spindelina · 05/09/2013 08:09

This is my personal experience, but it might be relevant. I needed someone to tell me that it was OK to ignore my HV (who I knew was spouting nonsense) and ring one of the BF helplines. I didn't though - not sure if I can explain why - something about not wanting to go behind the back of my HV.

If she says she's getting support from HV so she doesn't need to ring a helpline, be wary.

And cake. And doing some washing up / loading the dishawasher (but that's just because my DH has a massive blind spot just where the washing up pile is!).

gretagrape · 05/09/2013 09:17

I think she is lucky to have such a caring friend. Most of my friends don't have children but I've never found their advice or support patronising, so she will probably be really touched that you are going out of your way to try and make things easier for you.

I'd agree with what others have said - if you can help her in practical ways - make some dinners she can freeze, do a load of washing, go to the supermarket, etc, etc, then that will take all the boring stuff off her shoulders and give her more time/energy to get any specialist support she needs.

One thing that really freaked me out when I was having BF issues was that I never got the same answer from anyone - I was told I had a rubbish latch, a perfect latch, too much milk, not enough milk, I should feed from one side only, I should feed from both sides, etc, etc. Advice that works for one person might not for another so she shouldn't become despondent if things don't go to plan straight away.

Another thing that took me weeks to realise (and made me feel really stupid once I did realise) is that it's not just her that's learning, it's the baby too. I think I believed that my son knew what he wanted and it was up to clueless old me to work it out, but once I realised we were BOTH clueless and finding our way together it made me feel much better!

gretagrape · 05/09/2013 09:18

Sorry - going out of your way to make things easier for HER!

Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 05/09/2013 17:49

Thank you so much, this is really helpful!

Thanks
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Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 05/09/2013 17:56

Btw, I should say, she's a long way away from me or I would pop round with cake. But it's really reassuring to know helpful suggestions to make.

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Original poster
LRDMaguliYaPomochTebeSRaboti · 06/09/2013 07:56

Thanks very much.

I think she is feeling better now. Smile

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