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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Negative reaction to feeding in public

33 replies

raisonsplitz · 01/09/2013 12:05

This left a bitter taste in my mouth -

I was feeding DD in public yesterday but in my eyes discreetly when a woman walking by told me I was disgusting and should be ashamed of myself. When I asked my husband if he had heard what she'd just said she came back over to repeat aggressively what she'd said.

She told me I should use a toilet to which I replied would she eat in a toilet? She said no would you? Um no so why should my baby. She then referenced her 7 kids (not sure why!) and how her son who was with her (and looking any way but at us) didn't need to see it.

She moved away carrying on her mutterings of disgusting etc. Have other people had negative comments and if so what were your responses? Wish I'd of had a smart reply for her but was reeling from her audacity to comment in the first place!

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 01/09/2013 12:14

Couldn't breastfeed mine but so sorry you went through this op. People like that should be shot, this is what scares me as i'm thinking of trying to bf my new baby when she's born.
Hold your head high, you were doing a natural thing and you are right no-one wants to eat in the toilet so just repeat what you said if this happens again. Don't let this idiot put you off.

midori1999 · 01/09/2013 12:14

Sorry this happened to you. I'd too like to think I would have come out with a smart reply, but have to admit, I'd probably have gone into fishwife mode and just told her to fuck the fuck off. Blush

No one has ever said anything to me while nursing in public, despite never trying to be discreet, so I think you we're probably just unlucky and the chances of it happening again are minuscule. I hope it hasn't upset you too much.

sapfu · 01/09/2013 12:28

How about "Please stop verbally attacking me while I am feeding my baby."

Who ARE these weirdos who think it's OK to walk up to a total stranger and have a go at them, and while they're holding a baby too! Freaks.

I don't like walking through someone's cloud of fag smoke but I'd never dream of telling them they're disgusting and should be ashamed of themselves and should go spark up in a loo - personal choice, innit. If someone is so offended by breastfeeding, why would they look?

And no, I'm not likening breastfeeding to smoking, I'm just saying that if you find something offensive, why not avoid it as best you can.

Of course what I'd be tempted to say to the breast feeding phobe would be OH JUST FUCK OFF YOU MAD FREAK OR I'LL GET ME FANNY OUT TOO.

Robbabank · 01/09/2013 12:36

Hear hear to sapfu's message above. Made me laugh Grin.

I have bf all mine anywhere and everywhere and never encountered negativity. The odd time maybe a double take when bfing my 'older' babies but nothing noticeable really or upsetting.

You have been very, very unlucky with a total BITCH so just you keep on going OP, you are doing a great job. Try to put this horrible episode out of your head as it says nothing about you and everything bad about her.

As sapfu says, try to liken her behaviour to you smoking or drinking or doing sfa and her coming up to you out of the blue and attacking you about it. Completely unreasonable and vicious and probably unhinged (unfortunately for her).
Good luck.

fanjobiscuits · 01/09/2013 12:37

She is a silly moo. Well done you for bfing.

SpottyTeacakes · 01/09/2013 12:39

Sorry someone said this to you. I've never had a negative reaction or even noticed anyone looking. I also would have told her to fuck the fuck off and possibly unmatched the baby and squirted milk in her face Grin

mikkii · 01/09/2013 12:49

I was once feeding DS in the park, and noticed two old ladies watching me from the next bench. I thought, "hmm, might get a comment here". As they left the passed me and one of the ladies commented on how lovely it was that these days (9 years ago) you girls have so much freedom and how she wished it had been the same when she had her children. It made my day.

The only negative comment I ever received was from a family member who offered me her scarf so I could "cover up more", but I considered I was decent (DS hated being covered by stuff) so I brushed it off.

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 01/09/2013 12:52

When DS2 was a couple of weeks old (just weeks ago) we had to go up to A+E at Yorkhill, he was preemie and we hadn't even reached his due date yet so think really tiny (he was less than 5lbs or just around it).

I had to feed him in the waiting room, I covered myself with a blanket and you couldn't see anything, you could hear DS fussing as we hadn't got BF sorted properly yet. 2 women kept staring at me and tutting and whispering to themselves, it was a horrible experience and I ended up asking the staff to find me a room.

In a childrens hospital, in A+E, with a preemie! It's madness and you really like to think you would say something or properly stick up for yourself but you rarely do, I wish I had but I realise now that in the same position again I would just laugh and no way ask to be moved.

I hope you're okay, I have since fed him at all sorts of places (including a few feet away from meercats at the zoo!) I use a feeding cover now if BF when out though.

Someone actually moved away from me at the zoo, they had been sitting next to me on the bench and talking to me and as soon as they realised there was a baby under the cover, got up and walked away! I thought it was a bit ironic since they were at the zoo to see nature! I just laughed at that one.

Robbabank · 01/09/2013 12:59

Schro that A&E experience sounds horrible - poor you! RE the person getting up from the bench, sometimes I have noticed people re-position themselves, or turn away, or yes even move seats but I have always attributed this to them thinking that I would require more privacy. Maybe it was to avoid their own embarrassment, but I am always willing to give benefit of the doubt that they are (misguidedly and unnecessarily) sparing my blushes and giving me more 'breathing space' to bf.

delasi · 01/09/2013 14:29

It really surprises me that some people are so 'out there' with disapproval of bfing in public Confused So sorry to hear of those who have had such negative experiences.

I think sometimes, there are just people who will find anything rude/wrong/disgusting. I think the fact that these experiences are more surprises here and there rather than every day occurrences for bfing mothers I think is hopefully an indication that it is only a very small minority who react negatively.

Fwiw I couldn't bf and moved to fully ff early on. I got questions from a couple of people who knew me, who were wanting to inform me that 'breast was best' and that babies should be fed naturally Hmm. I felt a bit nervous ffing in public for the first time when DS was a newborn in case people looked down on me for not bfing that quickly passed.

...Just can't please everyone! Smile

ab00 · 01/09/2013 14:36

What a bitch! I'd have pointed out to her that what her son didn't need to see was his mother verbally abusing a mother who was feeding her baby & maybe she should reconsider that trip to the toilet due to the shit coming out her mouth.

How dare someone do that to you OP!

Rooners · 01/09/2013 14:43

I would have half smiled in bemusement, and looked at my DH till she went away.

Sadly there is always one freako out there. Keep feeding - normal people don't mind.

FacebookWanker · 01/09/2013 14:46

I'm really sorry this happened to you. I really don't understand attitudes like this. Don't let her put you off.

melonribena · 01/09/2013 14:57

I lived in fear of a response like this when feeding my ds. Luckily I only ever came across positivity.

I'm so sorry you went through this. If its any consolation, I'm sure everyone around u was thinking what a twat she was.

Well done for keeping calm!

TondelayoSchwarzkopf · 01/09/2013 15:00

Tell her it's illegal to harass a breastfeeding mother.

Mintyy · 01/09/2013 15:01

It never happened to me. Sounds like you had the bad luck to be feeding near a random nutter.

mrsmartin1984 · 01/09/2013 15:03

Oh course her son doesn't need to see it. He should be brought up to view breasts solely as funbags for his entertainment and should see women as sexual objects. Not as maternal beings. So he can grow up be a misogynistic prick.

lagoonhaze · 01/09/2013 15:04

Go away now or I'll call the police.

noblegiraffe · 01/09/2013 15:06

I'm fairly sure most people don't even notice I'm feeding. In fact I was sitting chatting to a friend who commented that DD had gone off to sleep nicely and I said I'd fed her to sleep and she was surprised she hadn't spotted it. And she was a bfer herself so I hadn't been that discrete.

I think if someone commented, I'd ask them why they were looking.

noblegiraffe · 01/09/2013 15:07

Discrete? Discreet FFS.

yoyoyo · 01/09/2013 15:07

I was complimented for breastfeeding last week. It made my day.

yellowsnownoteatwillyou · 01/09/2013 15:08

Poor you op, people are indeed arseholes, bet if you come up with a few witty come backs, something like that will never happen again.

I mix feed my 4 week old Ds, but don't breast feed him outside as my norks are massive which makes feeding him without a pillow impossible. So bottle feed him in public, sometimes expressed milk thou, I was also nervous of the reaction I would get for bottle feeding.

It's the grief I've been getting in passive aggressive comments from certain family members, about feeding him formula at all is doing my head in.... But that's a whole other thread.

lagoonhaze · 01/09/2013 15:09

Ive been harassed in hv clinic waiting room shared by doctors surgery.

Middle aged man gestured to me and said to woman next to him she should have done that before she left home.

Asked partner if he had heard what he had said and repeated it (quite loudly) Partner said well you did and she needs feeding now too.

Told HV. She ordered nhs welcome to breastfeed he

lagoonhaze · 01/09/2013 15:11

Yellow...... Rolled up blanket on bag helped me feed in public. Massive norks here too!

blueberryupsidedown · 01/09/2013 15:12

I was asked to move by a NURSE in a crowded hospital waiting room, with DS2 who was 2 weeks old, also with DS1 who had a proken arm. She told me that I should 'do that discretely' in another room, and I told her that if my son could be seen by the next available doctor I'd be out of there. I refused to move and someone in the waiting room clapped! Some people are just so stupid and ignorant. I complained to the hospital in question (Whipps Cross hospital, the x ray department).

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