Do I need to just give up BF now?

[IJustWoreMyTrenchcoat]

I am sorry this will come out in a jumble, I am an emotional wreck and starting to think it will be easier to just admit defeat and give in the breastfeeding now .

My baby boy is coming up four weeks and is still an ounce and a half below his birthweight. I am arguing non stop with my partner who thinks there is no problem: baby is gaining - albeit slowly, wet and dirty nappies etc. I think I am not producing enough, I feel wracked with guilt every time I look at my baby and think I am not feeding him.

I just know there is a problem. I am using nipple shields and sometimes there is evidence of milk after a feed, but a lot of the time there isn't. The past two nights baby has suckled and suckled with not much evidence he is actually swallowing or feeding effectively. He doesn't seem frustrated or distressed and is quite happy to stay attached and I realise babies suckle to demand more milk as well as feed but I am worried he rarely seems satisfied after a feed.

He has just had two periods tonight for example of just staying on the breast for over an hour (both sides) but not sleeping after. I had to pick him up and start all over again. Before this he had shorter feeds and 30ml of EBM which also didn't satisfy him. I can't keep up with this, the lack of sleep is killing me. He never settles after night feeds and it is so horrible to think he is hungry.

Very rarely do I get that lovely sleepy 'milk drunk' look off him. The last time was when I had an appointment with the feeding Midwife (he seems to feed well in front of professionals!). For example, the last two nights he has not slept. He has fed and fed, but never settled afterwards. The feeding Midwife said it sounded like it was a growth spurt, but it can't be that as more than 48 hours later and he hasn't settled.

I have contacted and seen an NCT breastfeeding councillor, two breastfeeding peer supporters, the specialist feeding Midwife for my NHS Trust as well as regular contact from Health Visitors. I feel I am being a nuisance, they keep telling me I am doing a good job and to keep going but how can this be true when he is so unsettled and gaining weight so slowly?

He is actually asleep now for the first time all night! I feel this isn't fair on the baby, my partner or me. Should I just give up now?

Hi Poppy, can you be more specific about what you feel isn't working for you and your son?

Trenchcoat, another vote here for getting tongue tie checked, even if you think the latch might be improving. try Charlie at Milk Matters (can't link, sorry, am on my phone) - she is an IBLC and offers an online service within 24hrs, you can send her pics and she will talk you through her thoughts. She knows her stuff. Unfortunately many health professionals just don't seem to be trained up on posterior TTs.

Good luck and well done you for getting this far!

Hello, just a quick update.

My little boy has put on weight and is now officially over his birthweight so I am very relieved. He has been feeding for longer periods today and last night, not just having 5 minute snacks. This means he's slept a bit, but mostly in my arms - have only managed to put him down successfully a couple of times but it doesn't last long. I have some infacol for him after talking to my health visitor and the feeding midwife so this may have settled him somewhat.

We took him to the GP on Monday as I was so worried and got told that he was ok to just feed for 2-3 minutes as he could get what he wanted in this time and the rest was just comfort sucking . GP also said his behaviour was normal - but my parents and in-laws all with more experience than me said I was right to worry as it definitely wasn't normal for him to be screaming and be so unsettled, not sleeping etc.

I have brought my sling up so wil get started with it tomorrow. If I can get some privacy I will try a baby moon. Shields still in use because he is feeding so much at the moment (he wants right back on if he wakes up after falling asleep to the extent he is bringing milk back up as he is so full).

pickledlily have you used the email diagnosis service? I was reading about it but was unsure if it was worth pursuing. What photographs and video footage do they need? Also, everyone who has checked him says no tt - I think he could have a posterior tie from what I have read - so will they just dismiss me even if the email diagnosis is he has one? There is nobody in my area who deals with ties.

Trenchcoat, that's great news.

On sleeping, we found swaddling helped immensely in the early weeks to get DS to settle in his crib.

Far be it for me to contradict a trained professional, but the GP sounds a bit crap... A newborn might only need very short feeds, but a couple of minutes isn't long enough to get your hind milk flowing - ie the fatty, satisfying stuff.

Hi Trenchcoat. I'd agree with Families (although i'm no expert!) but 2-3 mins might be ok once they are many months old and getting more efficient at feeding, but I'd have thought a younger baby would take longer. Maybe he's getting tired (one of the things Charlie mentioned to me was that a PTT can make moving their tongue/jaw really hard work and so they tire very quickly).

I was sceptical of a 'virtual' TT check too, but actually having now done it, it's quite straight forward and I dont' know why more lactation consultants don't offer it. I'd suggest giving Charlie a call. She is very helpful and if you are still wanting your baby assessed she will send through a form asking for the history and telling you which photos she needs. Have you read this link about different levels of BF experience/knowledge? (Can't remember if i've already posted it on here) I was a bit when I read it and realised that although DD had been seen by loads of health professionals, none were experienced/qualified to recognise PTT. Given that, I'm not expecting the GP to now confirm that DD has PTT, although as your baby is still little they may concede, but they should at least be able to refer you to the IBLC qualified person for your area. Again, Charlie (or the facebook group) can help you find the right person and give support for any battles with the NHS to get treatment.

I should add, I have no connection to Charlie (in case anyone is wondering as I've recommended her a few times on here!) I'm just over the moon that we finally have a diagnosis and a source of support.

Sorry but 2-3 minutes is rubbish! When mine were that age they often fed for 45 min at a time and I had a very good supply.
You might not always see "evidence of milk". I usually didn't.
Might he have a bit of reflux? Even if a baby has fed well, if they get a sore tummy afterwards, they would be unsettled.

How old is your GP? 2-3 mins sounds like the rubbish my mum was told in the 70s!

I know, I came out of the GP feeling crap - worried my baby was starving or in pain to be given advice like that! It contradicts everything I have been told/have read about feeding. The GP was in her 30s, and just kept saying her daughter was the same.

I will look into it pickledlily but I think it will be a fight to get treatment and the nearest IBLC is the next county over and 70+ miles away.

Hey, my DS is nearly 4 weeks and I could have written your post-exactly the same issue here. Saw a specialist today who thinks most likely that I lactate slowly hence it takes a heck of a lot of breast time to fill him (yet I don't think I've ever properly filled him). I have been trying hard at expressing and finally a reasonable amount coming through - when I have over 100ml collected I give to him and it satisfies and he sleeps like a log. Ditto formula, he has a bottle last thing and another in the morning. So overall he is getting about a third each of forumla, expressed and breast. I swear this is only way I can get by at the mo- much as I want to bf, he LOVES bottles and I'm happy from seeing he is so much happier from them.
In terms I'd the feeding I too have been encouraged to do the "mooning" and also to watch carefully his feeding and take him off for a break or change breast if he's just sucking rather than feeding-what my LO does all the time. Like you my lo is only just back at birth weight. I never thought bf would be this difficult! The consultant today was great - am aggrieved though at all the midwives who said constant feeding was normal - I now know it's not!

I think there's a tie.

Check yourself - run a finger under his tongue - do you feel anything? If you feel even a slight 'speed bump' that's a tie, and most likely why he's finding it hard to gain weight.

I 100% agree with maw (as always - she and I have had very similar experiences I think) - it rings alarm bells for me for a tongue tie.