(Another) argument with DH over feeding

[Sunflower1985]

Beware rant ....
Ds was fed, changed and sleeping so I went upstairs for a nap a few hours ago, leaving DH in charge.
Coming downstairs an hour later found DH had fed him formula twice, the first dose having been thrown up. I took ds and he promptly threw up the second dose all over me. We've been giving top-ups first to help with early weight loss/jaundice and now while painful nipple thrush is stopping me feeding long enough, but the plan is to always offer breast first.
So I yell this at my husband and he storms off. Now giving me the silent treatment.
He doesn't understand why I'm angry and when I try to explain how important bf'ing is to me, he goes off on one.
Bf'ing has been soooo difficult and I need him supporting me, but every time I have a moan or complain about my sore nipples, he's like - well stop then, we'll just give him formula.
Arghhh.

Did he say why he gave the formula? Are you still doing top ups? If not, I'd be tempted to bin the remaining formula so he can't be tempted to offer it again

He probably thought he was doing a nice thing by letting you nap. My DD was struggling to put on weight and was sleepy as a newborn so I was busting a gut feeding her every two hours. DH let me have a nap and I woke up 4 hours later and was furious that he'd let her go that long without a feed. He thought I needed the sleep!

They don't get it, because it's not them doing it, they don't have the same amount of emotional investment. Strict instructions next time, and yes, perhaps bin the top ups to help with your supply.

Don't be too tough on your DH. While I can understand how you feel, I think he was just trying to help by allowing you to get some sleep.

I know my DH struggled a lot at the beginning, watching me crying over not being able to bf successfully and getting mastitis time and time again. Like noble said, they don't have the same emotional investment, and in my DHs case, he just wanted DS to be fed, happy and healthy. Bfing works for us now, but it was a long and emotionally fraught learning curve for us all.

If you have been giving him formula why would he think its not ok to give it to him. He was letting you sleep and you hadn't said to wake you if baby gets hungry.

Perhaps he thought he could have a little feeding/bonding time and you could feed later.

Just explain to him that he needs to wake you in future and that you plan on not using formula. You really have to spell it out for guys sometimes.

TBH, I think he was just trying to help.

If you were sleeping and he thought the baby was hungry, and you had been giving some formula anyway, then I think it's natural for him to have given a bottle.
Did you want to be woken? I think he was doing his best tbh.

Also I know this is a generalisation but a lot of men like to be able to fix things. So when you say you have sore nipples or that it's tough bfing, then the solution for him is to say, well stop then. That's his way of being supportive even if it doesn't seem like it!
Perhaps he doesn't want you to feel pressured?