Is it possible to have a night out while ebf??

[CityDweller]

Is it possible to combine ebf with going out in the evening? My DD is 4mo and while I'm not gagging to go out on the lash, there are a few events coming up over the next few months that I'd like to go to. Problem is I feed her to sleep at night and while she's usually down by 8pm, sometimes it takes longer and it's totally random as to when she wakes up during night to feed. She was sleeping through (8pm - 5am) until about 3 months, but not since then.

Bedtime routine is bath, feed, sleep. Attempts to get her to take a bottle from DH have failed. Should I write off any life evening plans until I'm no longer bf? It's fine if that's the case. In fact, I'd rather just accept that as the way things are rather than continuing to think that 'in a few months' everything will have changed so that life is more predictable. Or is it possible to change an ebf baby's bedtime routine to something that means someone else could settle her to sleep??

Yes, absolutely

Your DH needs to persevere with the bottle (or suitable beaker for 4 month) and you need to be right out of the house as your baby will smell your milk. A hungry baby will drink, if a little crossly. She is not so little that she can't go a decent interval between feeds. Bf is about the comfort too but it's a good opportunity for your H to be in sole charge of that. Once she gets to 6 months her milk intake will very slowly decrease as you introduce solids. When you have had alcohol it takes about an hour for it to leave your body (and therefore your milk). Pumping and dumping does not speed the process up. You might need to pump a bit if you get "full". Totally manageable

Honestly, I am massively pro-BF but I am also massively in favour of mums having a bit of time off

Thanks for the reply - and the hope! I guess DD's bedtime routine seems so dependent on being fed to sleep I can't imagine her going down for the night any other way. Her pre-bed feed is always longest of the day/night and involves a lot of comfort sucking...

I would have said yes, absolutely with my last ds, but with this one? No chance.

I've switched to FF now, at 8 months though and still haven't had a night out! So I think it's baby dependent rather than bf/ff related IYSWIM?

I am going out next Friday though. Oh yes. Come what may.

Yes, it's possible to stop feeding to sleep if you want to! We switched the routine round a bit so I did the last feed before bath and then DP rocked DS to sleep (this later became patting and then DS self-settling).

maja How old was your baby when you changed the bedtime routine and how long did it take? DD can't self-settle at all yet and I don't know when it's realistic to expect her not to need to be fed to sleep at night...

I can't comment on the bottle thing because my ds is ok with a bottle, but my ds is 6.5mo and i've had a few nights out now. I don't like leaving him too much yet but there have been a few things like weddings and close friends' hen dos where i have really wanted to join in and have a drink and i like you, i did start to get a bit frustrated that i was missing out, so i completely sympathise.

I have always just expressed for a few weeks before the event to make sure he had more than enough milk for the night and the next morning. My DS sounds similar to your dd in that he feeds to sleep and had always been a little unpredictable with his night wakings/feeds (except for a short period where he slept through 8-5!), but i just got to the point where i decided that on the rare occasion i went out, if i had left plenty of milk, i had done all i can, and that the only way my dp would be able to comfort him was with practice. I have always been surprised that when i am not there in sight, he will happily accept milk and cuddles from my dp instead.

My ds also tends to have a long bed time feed so i have always left a large bottle for bedtime and have found that with this, ds actually always sleeps longer when i am away (presume the bottle is more than he gets from me), and even if he does wake up, will usually feed back to sleep just fine with some milk, whichever way it comes.

If all else fails though, i have always thought that as long as i had left enough milk, he would eventually take it if he wanted it, and wasn't going to starve overnight. And without wanting to sound like a cow, even if dp had a bit of a rough night with him, i had had months of hard nights establishing and maintaining ebf and missing out on nights out, and he, as i'm sure your dh has, had had many fewer sleepless nights and many more nights off to do things, so wouldnt begrudge me the rare one at his own expense!

About 5ish months when we started rocking to sleep (well, DP did at first) and then about 6 months moved on to doing a ssh-pat kind of thing. DS started self-settling occasionally from about 7 months but generally we patted him to sleep until 9 months.

I think it depends on how much you want to go out and where you want to go out. My DD was very similar - only bf to sleep and woke randomly and only bf would get her back to sleep. I couldn't be bothered to put in the effort to get her to take a bottle from DH - she loved bf so much and to be honest, so did I, and it was such a reliable way to settle her,so I wasn't motivated enough to persevere with expressing and getting someone else to settle etc. I was never a massive going out type person before having a baby though - would rather have dinner and at home or at friends' homes!

However, I did go out from time to time! When she was still feeding to sleep, I got her down to bed and then went out. When she stopped feeding to sleep (just happened one day out of the blue, around 11mo), DH did bedtime etc. I kept my phone on and obsessively checked it and went out locally so I could get home easily if needed, but I never did. As she got older I got more confident with going out further away and for longer.

Hope you get a good night out soon!

Oops! That should be one hour PER UNIT

HelpMe I actually tried the hardnosed approach last week as a test. Left DH to do bedtime with a bottle of ebm but she screamed her poor little head off so I had to go back and feed her to sleep (although by time I got there she was sleep-wimpering in DH's arms). I felt so guilty and selfish at distressing her.

blushing I'm actually mostly inclined to your attitude. Bf to sleep is easy and I enjoy it. And it's going to require possibly more perseverance than we have to persuade her to take a bottle. And I really don't currently mind all that much that I can't go out. But, I know my DH would like to be able to put her to bed too and that it would also be a good thing if he and I could have the very occasional night out. In an ideal world she'd be flexible enough that I can bf her to sleep when I'm here, but DH or a hypothetical babysitter could settle her in another way. But perhaps that's unrealistic...

When she's a bit older she probably won't need feeding every time she wakes. I can't remember what age it was from, but we got to a point where I knew she would be happy to settle back to sleep with some tummy rubbing instead of a feed between 7 & 10/11pm. So that meant feed to sleep at bedtime and then DH could settle her while I was out.

My DH has only just started putting her to bed now I'm not breastfeeding anymore and he can get her to sleep much more quickly than me! Sadly I haven't been able to convince him to use his powers in the middle of the night - he can be a bit selective about when he wants to have an "active" role in getting her to sleep...!

Yes!!!
Just go out. Leave a responsible caring adult in charge with a bottle of ebm or a ff & go.
If you are not leaving daddy in charge then Preferably with a nanny you are paying lots of £££ to.... The reason I say that is because they will get LO to sleep with no problem, . At least that was our experience!!! Family are more likely to call you home or tell u how badly it did (not) go....
It is in her interests to grt it right because she wants you to hire her again....,
I also went away for a weekend when LO was 4mo. I'm still bf at 15mo. I left daddy with ff & ebm & i had a fab time with my breast pump in Ibiza!
So yes it can be done. Don't stress that is the key.
Best of luck and have a lovely time.

Oh yes i can see that you wouldnt want her to become distressed, that cant be pleasant, and perhaps if i hadnt been lucky when i have been out i would have found it more difficult. I dont like to think of myself as hard nosed though....have only actually been out the house (at all of an evening) without him about three times in 6.5 months, and never just because i fancied getting off my face, always a "proper" event. Personally, missing out on events of close friends would be upsetting and frustrating for me. You would be a hero to have no time off for however long you plan to bf.

Just had a thought...the first few times i had a drink, he was with me as it was a wedding or similar. I bf him early in the day when i hadnt had a drink or round a well timed drink, and through the day moved on to a expressed bottle of milk. So perhaps we eased him in gently by me doing it. Then at one of the weddings, my DP took him home so i could stay (it was my friends who he had only met once). Would something similar be an option to ease her in? How does she take a bottle from you?

I've had no luck with the bottle myself (she screamed). DH has at least got her to take it into her mouth, although I think he just chews/plays rather than sucks. I guess a cup would be an option in future, but I don't think that'd settle her to sleep at night as the sucking aspect of bf does seen key.

I think, realistically, the only way DH and I could both go out is if I put her to bed first and she was then unlikely to wake up before I got back. That unfortunately rules out the theatre tickets we've got for a few week's time for something I was dying to see. Oh well...