2 week old keeps falling asleep whilst feeding!

[Sammie101]

Hi all!
I've joined this website in the hope that I can find some other people who have gone through/are going through the same problem I am. I'm afraid this post will be quite long because there are a few things I need to desperately get advice for. If you manage to read the whole thing then thank you!

My little girl is 2 weeks today and everytime I feed her she falls asleep! I know it's recommended to feed 15-20 minutes per breast but I'm extremely lucky if she'll feed for 10 minutes! I've tried everything, tickling her feet, giving her little pokes in the ribs (the midwife told me to do this, I thought it seemed a bit mean :-/), blowing on her face, undressing her, changing her nappy etc etc. Changing her does wake her but when I put her back on she falls asleep within a few minutes.

Unfortunately this means that feeding is so long and drawn out, and she won't settle because she rarely has a good long feed :( We were up from 1:15am until 4am trying to feed her this morning, and when she started falling asleep we tried to put her down. But everytime we put her in her moses basket she cries and is wide awake and wanting another feed for 3 minutes. It seems she only ever falls asleep in my arms and I can only put her in her moses basket if she's fast asleep.

I really did want to breastfeed and I know I'm lucky that we don't have many problems with her latching on (although sometimes she does fight to latch on and get herself frustrated because she's so hungry) but I'm just so tired. Everytime I hear her stirring during the night for a feed I dread having to get up because I know we're going to have to go through the whole process again and that she will take ages to settle.

It doesn't help that I think I have post natal depression either. There hasn't been one night since she was born that I haven't broken down in tears thinking 'I can't do this anymore!', with my boyfriend feeling upset that he can't help the situation. It ends up with me shouting at her and then feeling like the worst mum in the world because I know it's not her fault.

I know everyone says it will get better, by 6-8 weeks it will have settled down, but I don't think I can go through anymore nights feeling like this. Today my OH went back to work and the baby was crying for a feed (I had just fed her 2 and a half oz of expressed milk whilst we were registering her) and I had to fight back the tears on the way home.

Can anyone offer any advice about my feeding issues? I'm considering substituting one of her night feeds with formula just so I can get a bit of a break from feeding but I'm scared that will mean I'm a failure :(

Thank you so much for reading this!

Is she gaining weight ok? I've not heard the recommendation that you feed for 20 minutes, that sounds wrong to me - some babies are done in 5 minutes, some take 30!

If her weight gain is ok, then feeding for 10 minutes, having a little break and then taking the other side is totally normal.

It's also pretty standard for babies not to want to be put in a basket at night. Have you thought about having her in bed with you? If you learn to feed lying down then night feeds are a lot more pleasant!

I'm not as far along as you, DD is only 5 days old but she's exactly the same. She will feed for a while (time varies), fall asleep, sleep for a bit (maybe 15 mins), wake, go on other boob and repeat. She doesn't like to be put down either.

For night feeds I've given up and have her in the bed with me as she was waking every time I put her in her cot. I never planned to do it and it does make me nervous but I've looked into all the safety aspects and I'm happy that we are getting SOME sleep.

And I am doing a formula feed at night. Just started as my nipples are so sore I need the break. I do feel guilty but my philosophy is just to get through!

So I have no real advice but I feel your pain and you're not alone!

Firstly - please give yourself a break. Motherhood is hard and overwhelming in the first few weeks and exhausting. No-one really realises how much of a massive change it is until it happens. And your body is full of hormones at the moment making everything seem a huge deal.

Secondly - if you are feeling particularly blue, please go see your GP and talk to them about it - there are things they can do to help.

Thirdly - on the feeding point - both my children did this - breast milk is soporific - as another posted said, could you consider co-sleeping? I did this with my two and it really helped to be able to drift off to sleep while they fed and to not worry about moving them. There are lots of articles on the internet about how to do this safely.

Fourthly - if co-sleeping doesn't appeal - don't worry too much about the books which say "don't let them fall asleep on the breast or it will be a crutch". You need to do what works best for you and your child. Why not try letting her fall into a deep sleep in your arms before transferring her into the basket. Most important thing at the moment is for you and her to get some rest.

Sammie, do give any of the breastfeeding lines a ring - they will listen and support you and confirm that your baby is fine to fall asleep when bf. This is what babies are designed to do, and it is normal and lovely. Your midwife was quite wrong to tell you to poke and tickle and stop her from falling asleep....this is what your baby wants to do, and unless there are weight gain issues, babies can be 'allowed' to feed and sleep whenever :)

Many babies only spend a few minutes on the breast at a time - the 10 mins your dd does are fine - before snoozing, and they then perk up and want some more. A feed for a 2 week old might take an hour or so with all these stops and starts - NORMAL :)

As for night times, think about co-sleeping so she does not have to sleep alone. You can do this safely if you follow guidelines, and it's a better night for both of you.

Please do seek out real life bf support, so you can get good information and you can start enjoying feeding. There may be a bf support group near you - your HV will know.

Some babies are much more efficient feeders then others. As long as they feed regularly, lots of wet nappies and seem healthy it's ok. My baby used to fall asleep and then wake up when we put her down. It really stressed me out. Then we started co sleeping and it made all the difference. I also though I had PND (I have a history of depression). I was just exhausted, it really makes a difference having a good amount of sleep.

It is really hard the first few weeks and is a bit of a shock to the system. But it does get easier I can promise you that.

Helplines:
NCT : 0300 330 0771 (7 days a week, 8am-10pm)

The Breastfeeding Network: 0300 100 0210 (9.30am-9.30pm every day)

Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 08444 122949 (9.30am-10.30pm)

La Leche League Great Britain: 0845 120 2918

If the baby is gaining weight, this is not a problem.

If no weight gain, at only 2weeks old I'd be wondering if there might be jaundice (very common, a couple of my DS had it), as this can make them sleepy and affect appetite.

A good place to spot jaundice is the tip of the nose - does it look yellow, or look yellow if you gently press the nose then take you're finger away?

I'm feeling a bit :( that your early breastfeeding experience has been so undermined by poor information about how long a baby 'should' be feeding on each breast, and that the midwife told you to do all those things to your baby to make it happen...and the difficulties with the feeding as a result of this have caused you so much pressure and upset :(

The stupid books that say how long a baby ought to feed should be made into a big huge bonfire!!!

It's good you have found mumsnet :)

Oh and bottle feeding is not "failure". For my most jaundiced Ds, who was so sleepy he lots a lot of weight )to the point that he was getting weight every other day), we were advised to give formula just to get calories into him- not my ideal choice, but it worked and we were able to stop the supplementary bottle and return to EBF at about 10weeks.

Helga - are you getting some help to fix your sore nipples?

Of course you must do what you can to get through, but fixing the soreness will make feeding more enjoyable and avoid the need for formula - formula, especially so soon and especially at night, is seriously undermining to breastfeeding, and of course it doesn't have any curative effect on the nipples :(

Hello, feeling your pain. My 12 day old must love the breast because as soon as he goes on he falls asleep. I've tried the poking etc and it can only do so much. We introduced formula with the blessing of our breastfeed specialist midwife, to help his weight and jaundice. We use it as a top up after he has bf and is still hungry. It really upset me as I feel like I'm failing him by not being able to provide. Its not ideally what I want but we have to think of the bottom line - baby that is gaining weight.

So I can't offer any suggestions on feeding as I'm in the same boat. As for depression, these first few weeks are not a reflection on the rest of your lives. They are stressful and hormone fuelled and just because you feel how you feel now doesn't mean it will stay that way. The tiredness alone is enough to deal with. Cry to let it out, that's normal. If you need someone to talk to I recommend Samaritans - 24hrs a day, confidential and will not judge if you need to vent. 08457 90 90 90.

Sunflower

Firstly thank you so much for replying, it means the world to me to know I'm not actually alone!

I can't figure out how to quote using my phone so I'll try and answer everything!

What makes me feel so guilty is that when baby was first weighed she only lost 60g and the midwife was so pleased with her progress! She was born at 6lb 11.5oz, a ventouse delivery and quite jaundice! She was also very sleepy from the diamorphine. It's not that the breastfeeding isn't working because clearly it is, and thanks to an amazing lactation consultant at the hospital I stayed in I have no pain when she latches on. It seems that I'm just so fed up of the constant feeding and being exhausted, which is so selfish because I know my daughter's needs should come first I'm just desperate to see the light at the end of the tunnel and wishing away these days that are so special! Plus I know there are so many mums who really struggle with sore and cracked nipples but persevere with BF for the sake of their babies, which makes me feel awful!

Luckily this evening my sister and step mum came round and I had a hot bath and I do feel more positive!

Co sleeping is something I've considered but I'm really concerned about the safety aspects. Should I ask my OH to sleep on the sofa bed for the night so we can have more room and see how it goes?

I did think that I couldn't feed her lying down, I tried in hospital but it just didn't work. But we tried again just now and she did latch on! She had her hand wrapped around my finger and it was so nice just to stare at her without thinking that she had some sort of vendetta against me and wanted to make my life miserable!

So another long rambling post, but it just goes to show that even support from total strangers can make such a difference, and I do feel a whole lot better knowing I'm not alone

Tictok - nurse thinks I just need a few days to get used to it. It's getting easier every day. But like she said - it's better to use the formula to give myself a break now than struggle on and give up completely in a month.

Also forgot to add, I've been expressing by hand and electric pump and although by hand is easier, it takes so long to get any! And my electric pump is the same, I just seem to get the tiniest amount considering i'm pumping each breast for 15 minutes :S
The reason I'm expressing is just in case she needs a feed when I'm out and about. Usually I'll try and be in the house by the time she's due a feed but obviously babies don't run on my schedule. I know it sounds silly but I have very large boobs and I'm so scared about breast feeding in public, especially when sometimes she can be very fussy trying to latch on (and other times she's an angel and goes on first time!) I'm hoping I will get over this fear so I can have more of a social life and not be inside all day.
Plus my best friends wedding is at the end of the month which means leaving her with daddy for the morning and my sister for the evening, so I'd like to have enough milk frozen for when I'm not there-even the thought of leaving her that long fills me with dread that I'm considering skipping the after party and just going to the wedding!

Sammie, a tip for feeding when out and about that I got from mumsnet, is to wear a stretchy long vest under a normal top. To feed you just slip the top of the vest down and your top up. That way the minimum amount of you is exposed and once baby is latched on there is nothing to see at all. I would recommend giving it a go when you're out as the more you do it the less stressful it is.

Congratulations on your baby btw

Sammie, please call the bf helplines :)

You are expressing on top of all this.....:( It's too much to do!! Really - most mothers of 2 week old babies just dont have the time or energy to express as well. The end of the month is only 2 weeks away. Most mothers of 4 week olds would not feel able to get to a wedding and leave their baby for hours and you will be full and uncomfortable if you don't bf for that time. Can you go with your baby to the wedding?

Seems to me you have massively high expectations of yourself and your baby :( Can you lower them??

I'm with tiktok - take the baby to the wedding. You don't need that stress too.

Just another voice to add reassurance.

I remember at about 2 weeks putting dd down and telling dp to go to effing Tesco and buy some effing formula because I wasn't doing it any more.

I'm still feeding dd 11 months on

What you are describing is perfectly normal. My dd was never off my breast for more than half a hour for the first 6 weeks then we got longer gaps quite quickly.
I still co sleep so I can get better sleep as she still feeds to sleep and its fine.
She has never fed for longer than 5 minutes until recently.
One thing though- take all help you can get to get a kip. I wouldn't leave dd with anyone until she was 7 months old and even now 3 hours with the gp is more than enough.

Get sleep whenever you can. I wish I had I think I would have felt better in the first few weeks.

After that though I found it easier maybe my body was recovered from the birth and I started having some reserves again. In the first 2 weeks I used to say to my partner I feel like she's sucking the life out of me with every feed.

Please please find some rl support with the bf though. It makes all the difference.

Congratulations on your baby

I would second the vest top down, jumper up approach. I'm a G cup - so I hear you on the large breasts, but soon both you and your baby will get quicker at the latch and I always figured if anyone was staring it was their problem, not mine! The other thing you can try is a shawl over the top if you're worried about exposure. Plus there are a number of shops which have breastfeeding areas - department stores like John Lewis or shopping centres are always good for that sort of thing - so you can pop in there if you want more privacy.

4 weeks seems awfully young to leave your baby for the wedding - your breasts will feel like they want to explode by the end of the day! I would just ask your friend if you can bring the baby, wear a dress that you can breastfeed in, and slink off early.

The wedding, the expressing and indeed being out and about lots at 2 weeks sounds like so much pressure! At 2 weeks I was mostly lying in bed/sat on my sofa watching DVD boxsets and eating cake.