8 weeks and feel like bf is going nowhere - help!

[OhGood]

DS is nearly 8 weeks and EBF. He didn't regain birthweight for 3 weeks, so I have been worried about his weight gain from the start. He was on 9th centile but over last 2 weeks has dropped below that curve, though seems to be stabilising. Still very very slow to gain weight - about 100 grams a week is average for him.

He is also a nightmare to feed - I deal with a feed for over an hour, usually, while he falls asleep, gets sick, and gets hiccups. Everyone I have asked says our latch is OK (HVs and midwives.) Feeding on demand, about 3 hourly during the day, bit longer at night.

Other than weight gain, he seems to be thriving - smiling, alert and interested in his wakeful times, sleeps well, contented, nappies fine.

So it's just the weight gain or lack thereof, and it's killing me. I feel completely distraught whenever I go and weigh him and yet another HV gives me advice, questions me etc. They all weigh and chart him differently and it feels like a nightmare.

I am so wound up about it that I can't see straight any more. I can't hear what my instinct is saying. Should I be worrying? Would you worry?

Thank you:(

I would say at that age 3 hours is a long time between feeds. Both mine fed every hour or 2 at that age. Offer the breast more often. Also, if you feed him more often you won't be having a mega feed for an hour.

Mine haven't demanded too much, so I did just used to offer the boob a lot, and more often than not they'd take it.

Wanted to bump for you. My dd is 10 weeks and we are also ebf. Have had issues with it, although she does put weight on rather well.

I can't offer more advice than if you feel he is doing well in other areas I wouldn't worry too much where he is charting. You may find he has a growth spurt and puts on then. Hv's as lovely as they can be can also be very confusing. You are doing everything you can so well done x

bum I have found it pointless waking him to feed him. He just won't eat unless he is ready. I will just wrestle with him to keep him awake while he snacks and sleeps, then he's not hungry for his next feed either.

And thank you pinkbear for the bump and reassurance.

:( :(

Some questions to ask the HVs:

• why are they weighing and charting differently? There is only one correct way to weigh (naked, on digital scales, on a hard, flat surface) and one correct way to chart - using the charts in the red book which for several years have been the same ones

• do they think your baby is healthy?

With regard to his weight, if you (and the HVs) think there is a problem and it is related to the amount of calories taken (and no other worry), then the only effective thing to do about it is to ensure he has more breastmilk :) This can be done by ensuring he feeds from at least both breasts on every occasion, switching back and forth from one to the other ; by feeding more often (3 hrly feeds are prob not often enough) which is done by keeping him very close to you as often as you can, so you can respond quickly to feeding cues. Wrestling and fighting him to feed is not a good thing - but no need to worry about 'snacking', as short frequent feeds are normal.

Does this help?

Have you been advised to have him weighed frequently? Could you reduce the frequency that you get him weighed, as long as he seems well in himself? If you get different advice each time and it stresses you out then I don't see that lots of weighing is necessarily helping.

When you say "he's not hungry for his next feed", does this mean you do have a routine of sorts? I would say routine is not great for establishing bf. Though if you are just going on how long he feeds for at his next feed, if it is any reassurance my boys both fed/feed for about 5 mins max (unless it's a feed before nap/bed, where they do seem to take more as they fall asleep on the breast.)

Do you have a breast feeding clinic that you can get to?

Or even a private lactation consultant?

Could have written your post, my lo is 17 weeks and has only just been diagnosed with a tongue tie despite poor weight gain. . She just got fussier and fussier and ended up only being able to feed her when she was half asleep.

Hv and midwives just aren't trained enough on lactation issues. Wish I'd gone to a proper expert weeks ago.

tiktok potentially that does help. But HVs have given different advice - ie 1. make sure he is completely done on one breast before offering the other (tricky as he never comes off on his own, just goes to sleep). and 2. don't let him snack, don't shove a breast in his face as the answer to everything (tricky as he is demand feeding and I think 'hungry' is often the answer to what he's saying)

Also, the HV today said to me (was in tears) 'He is a thriving baby' and then in next breath 'Make sure you come in next week, we're still a bit worried about him.' So I genuinely don't know if they are concerned about him or not.

And they seem to use the charts differently, so that eg the HV I saw today crossed out previous measurements on the chart and said they were done wrong, etc. Some people round up, some down in the conversions.

V happy to have him close to me!

exbrighton you are so right I am going to try and deal with one HV only and weigh less often. Because it does make me anxious beyond belief.

And flossy though I believe latch is OK, am going to get in a lactation consultant to double-check. (Counters what I have just said re only one person, but I want to close down that avenue, and get one more expert opinion.

Have looked at DD's red book and her trajectory was IDENTICAL to his, down to the weekly weight gain, dropping off curve at same time, etc etc.

It's so crap that the HV didn't respond to your obvious upset by being clear about what her concerns were! I think there is a massive flaw in the whole weighing system in that potentially you can see a different HV each time and there is no continuity of care. You just get each different HV's opinion at that point in time. As for crossing out what was plotted on your charts - wtf? How can they know that the measurements were plotted wrong?

What I did when my ds's weight gain slowed and he started dropping down the chart was to decide that I was going to get him weighed say in a fortnight's time. I then decided what I was going to do to try and increase his weight gain in that time, for example I had a 2 hourly feeding "schedule" where I would wake him if necessary and offer a feed no less than 2 hrs from the start of the last feed. I also expressed as much as poss to try and help stimulate supply and to have bm to use as a top up if necessary. That was then my sole focus for that time frame and helped me feel like I was in control, and less overwhelmed. I don't know if it made a difference but I felt better having a "plan".

Brighton that is such a good approach. I do need a plan.