Breastfeeding discreetly

[handlemecarefully]

I breast fed for 3 months with dd (well mix fed) - basically I breast fed at home and used a bottle when out, because I could not master the art of discreetly feeding. I would look at other mums and marvel at how they could feed without an inch of flesh showing, whereas I would be inadvertently putting on a Jordan type display. My inability to do it discreetly led to the bottle approach when out and about.

With 'ds to be'(due in April), I'd like to be able to have the freedom and simplicity of being able to breastfeed when out and about in public (rather than bothering with bottles)...but won't do it unless I can prevent flashing!

So what's the trick of discreet breastfeeding. Any tips?

hmc, I just make sure I turn away or bend over a bit so dd can latch on with minimal exposure, then I "arrange" my top so that nothing can be seen. I have to confess that I am more paranoid about exposing flobbery stomach than boob

Lol at Scotsbird and motherinferior!!

also they, and their heads, get bigger and therefore cover up more boob/tum

Mothercare, all department stores, M&S etc have great breastfeeding rooms. Mothercare usually have highchairs, play pens and a few toys for older children.

At first I would use a muslin squares, tuck one corner under bra strap on the side i was feeding and use the other to sheild my dd's head. I breast fed for 8 months but after a while i just got really good at putting her on and no longer needed the muslin square.

In warmer weather i wore a vest and just slipped on arm out and popped my boob out while the other was covered, if i was feeling particuarly shy, i would out a cardigan on.

I actually preferred string bikini bra's to nursing bras, all you have to do then is slide the material to one side to get the boob out and and you can pull it back quickly if your baby suddenly pulls off. It's also really easy to pop your nursing pads back in.

Also when going out for dinner, I wore a black dress which crossed over my boobs, I found this great for breast feeding in restaurants as nobody realised i was nursing, it just looked like i was cuddling her. so you could buy some cross over tops/cardigans.

i never did really use big tshirts as i foundit more hassle trying to gather all the extra material up over dd's head andi aslo did not like showing my flabby belling to the world, i preferred the top entry.

but after a while my belly did go down, the muslin squares went and i just became so much more relaxed with it all so much that one time i spoke to my 18 year old brother for over 10 mins with both of my nursing flaps open. he was trying so hard to focus on my face. i was so embarassed!!!

i took my dd on her first holiday at 4 months and found feeding times a breeze, out pops the boobie and bobs your uncle - no bottles, sterilisation equiment, or sand!!! easy. im sure i would of had a stressful time if i had bottlefed her.

I loved breastfeeding and look forward to doing it again ... but not the first few weeks - ouch!

hmc, I bought two of those breastfeeding tops and lived in them for months! They were great. I got them here .

Thanks nerdgirl,

they don't look too bad either!

I never had a single unpleasant comment or funny look ever. I fed in shops, restaurants, parks, cafes, in my car (a lot). BTW HMC, I do think you look more exposed to yourself than other people (if you see what I mean). Looking down you see more boob than other people who aren't peering down your cleaveage - they just see clothes and your baby's body and head, which is probably why you thought everyone was more discreet that you. Also, once you get the courage to breastfeed in public more than a couple of times, it gets much easier. But if you are stricken with shyness, there are, as someone else said, quite a few feeding rooms about. I loved the John Lewis ones and spent a lot of time chatting to other mothers in those. Once spend a nice time talking to Anna Walker while our babies glugged away in Peter Jones!

Be sure they mark it as a 'gift' or you'll get stung with import duties.

I'm with Bron on this - my little one likes to whip himself off without any warning but with a great flourish as though he is pulling a rabbit out of a hat, exposing a nipple to the assembled company and beaming widely. He then makes a great fuss about going back on, thrashing around and gulping and snorting loudly in case anyone at the other side of the restaurant/shop/train hasn't spotted the breastfeeding mum.

However, most of my friends have lovely discreet babies who glug away peacefully so don't let my experience put you off.

I find that a) in 'posher' places a big pretty scarf works well b) crop top or sporty bras (that you can pop a breast out the side of) can work as an alternative to the proper hooky breastfeeding ones (which always make me rummage around afterwards as if I'm at a jumble sale) c) ordinary shirts that unbutton seem simpler to me than breastfeeding tops d) avoid shirts that do up with hooks and eyes at all costs as you can't do them up one handed. I found this to my cost when I had to spend an entire xmas lunch flashing my bra at a group of friends e) as has been said, wrap around tops are a godsend

I am, as the weeks go on, less and less worried about it and (VERY unlike me) tend to feel that if anyone has a problem with it, that's their loss

Baggy tops worked for me. I'm afraid that those special "breastfeeding tops" initialy put me off the thought of breastfeeding altogether (I thought that you "had" to wear them - didn't realise how simple the alternative was). Totally agree with the comment on trying out your nursing bras to see how easy they are.

Just realised I'm still in my nursing bra, 2 months after stopping b/feeding - how sad is that!

Where I live there are no shortage of b/feeding rooms though I may just be lucky. If not, popping into a department store restaurant seems to do the trick - the only stares I've ever noticed have been from 15 year old boys (and in fairness to them I was on a school visit talking about b/feeding with the local NCT). They don't tend to hang out in the M&S coffee shop (let's face it only mums hang out there)

I go for baggy tops too, and I've never had a problem. BF says that she can't tell I'm feeding even when she knows I'm feeding IFKWIM, but I'm on my third now so I think I've had enough practice!

Its very strange reading other peoples methods - it sounds very uncomfortable to have a boob hanging out your arm hole!!!

I envy those people who can BF and have a hand free. I need one to hold DD and one to stop my breast suffocating her (not very pert I'm afraid!)

i will say having small boobs make it much easier, i am normally flat chested and loved my pert handfuls whilst breastfeeding, they popper outof my tops and where not too big to be noticed or smother my baby and easy to put away with one hand............... oh i miss them, i've been left with two nipples and thats it!... dont let me put you off though. few of my friends ended up with bigger one - not fair!

I second the t-shirt option, not buttons, which are too fiddly, worn with whatever undies suit you. The pulling off and gawping at folks isn't something you'll have to deal with yet, if at all, and you'll be so confident by then you won't care. When you consider how many of us have bf in public and then ask youself how many times you've seen someone else's boob while bfing I think it's easy to see that it's very possible to bf discreetly. The only comments I've ever had have been positive ones, generally from old ladies.

PS 150%, M&S coffee shop is a fave hangout of teenagers in our town! When they're not in there, they buy M&S sandwiches or cakes and then eat them in Starbucks along with an SB coffee.

I find it so bazar that there is such a taboo on breastfeeding in public in the UK. I'm living in Egypt where modesty is a must but absolutely no probs with breast feeding - maybe I'm just oblivious though I find that by the time you've quickly and discreetly lifted your top, plugged him in and lowered top around exposed booby, that you've shown less of yourself than if you were on the beach in your bikini - AND you're doing one of the most natural, beautiful things in the world. Screw anyone that gives you a funny look or dares to comment I say. If it offends them - TELL THEM NOT TO LOOK

But is there really a taboo? A TV company in Scotland wanted to make a documentary on this subject and got a mum to go round a town bfing her baby. She spent the day feeding in all sorts of places and had very few reactions, not of which were adverse. They abandoned the programme, it was such a non-issue.

None of which!

I preferred more fitted t-shirts as I found baggy t-shirts when I was feeding DS1 a struggle as I always needed two hands to latch him on and usually ended up with baggy t-shirt in my teeth whilst latching on, also baggy t-shirts hang straight from your boobs (bigger than usual boobs usually) and always made me feel fatter than I was. This time round with DS2 I used the more fitted t-shirts sometimes combined with a zip up fleece/hooded top, would generally choose the quietest corner of a cafe and once DS2 was latched on I could tuck the t-shirt round about his face and I don't think you could see much if anything. I agree about a good bra that you can manage one-handed even if this means a slightly less supportive bra (I was advised to buy a front fastening, fastened with about six hook & eyes, as it was more supportive but it was a horrible bra for out and about feeding, imagine the fumbling).

All the best with the feeding, you'll probably find that you are much more relaxed this time anyway.

Message withdrawn

I fed ds1 for 10 months and ds2 for 14 and never had a negative comment. I found baggy tops a nightmare for the reasons already stated that it was too much material to pull up. I had some stretchy short tops from gap, m&s etc which were pretty fitted but allowed quick access to bra catch at neck of top and then a quick lift of top and latch on. My biggest problem in the first few weeks was the milk gushing out and hungry dss desperately trying to latch on - nightmare. So devised a system where I would top them up just before going out and then try to get them to feed before they were really hungry. After the first few weeks it got even easier - and it is massively easier with your second.

But I did have a few surreal experiences when people would come up and want to look at the baby and because they hadn't realised he was feeding leave with a few blushes.

Thanks everybody - I am going to be brave this time around and really go for it. I think you are all right that my confidence will grow after a few goes. Last time my refusal to breast feed in public and reliance on bottles when out and about, adversely affected my milk supply and led to me giving up breast feeding sooner than I would have (at 3 months).

Suedonim, re whether it is a non issue - I agree that remarks and confrontation are rare, but they do happen. I have a friend who was breastfeeding in a restaurant and a loud and obnoxious woman on the next table pointedly asked the waiter in stage whispers if she could move tables....also whilst remarks are rare, funny looks are probably a bit more common (but funny looks alone don't make great tv!)

Kiwicath - re. why it still gets reactions in the UK...I think UK society is breast obsessed and breasts are seen as primarly a sexual organ...(look at folks preoccupation with Jordan's synthetic mammaries!)so for some of the ill informed public whipping out your breast to breastfeed is seen as exhibitionist or wrong. It's a great shame because the primary purpose for breasts as we all know is for feeding - that's why biology designed them for us.....So bizarely its probably 'easier' in Egypt where modesty is prized and they are not breast obsessed???(could be talking and hypothesising utter ballcocks here!)

I also found more fitted T-shirt better - less material to gather. Ifyou wear a loose shirt open over the top you can use that to gather round exposed areas of belly. And feeding bras with hooks on the strap so you can stick your hand in the neckhole to unhook and hook back up.
I never had any problems - once breastfed in Jamies in exchange square with all of dh's city boy colleagues and remarkably didn't get a single stare.

I was terrified of bf in public after I witnessed a poor woman being verbally attacked by a teenage girl whilst bf in a cafe.
I wasn't sure if I could ever bf in public. But I started out bf in changing rooms where other women very nosy would stare. Then after a few months I no longer cared. I'd feed anywhere.
It takes a while to learn how to latch on discreetly but you'll soon be an expert.
The more confident and natural you are when you bf in public the less people will notice and the more comfortable others who do notice will be.

That's terrible Bekki, I'd have slapped her!

I never b/fed dd in public, I would use baby changing rooms in shopping centres, toilets and so on. dd was a messy latcher and I was determined not to flash my nipples or anything else in public! But I found that she became better at latching on and I grew in confidence at about 3 months. Now with ds I feel like an old pro! He is also a messy latcher but I can deal with it now and I've fed at toddler groups, at coffee groups and in cafes - something I would never have dreamed of doing with dd!

With yours due in April H, you will find it easier - hoiking up 5 layers of clothes to b/feed isn't easy in winter! I have small boobs and find I can feed more discreetly with tight fitting tops. A cardi also helps. I think you can also get special b/feeding shawls from the NCT?