Biting - I feel like I'm hanging on to the last threads of our breastfeeding relationship

[BatCave]

DS 10 months has started biting. I have an open wound on my left nipple and its agony to feed and express from that side. I'm using coconut oil on it.

He's not biting to elicit a reaction (I'm not reacting) and I'be read up and am following the advice - press him into boob to try and let go, don't react etc. nothing is working, it's like he's biting me instinctively usually at the start of the feed and when he's finished.

I have been struggling for a while to get him to feed calmly, he NEVER asks for it so I sort of have to guess when he's hungry. He also eats a lot of solids. He takes 4 feeds a day and 1 night feed. So trying to only feed him when he's really hungry and asks for it doesn't really work, neither does stopping the nursing session - he doesn't care. I've always fed on demand, and BLW. He has a bottle of expressed milk when I'm at work, twice a week. I'm loathe to stop the bottle as I think it gives him comfort when I'm gone.

Added to this, my supply has taken a hit with me going back to work a few weeks ago and not able to express at work, I don't have much of a stash either.

I have a huge mental block about giving him anything except breastmilk and I had planed to feed him till at least 2 like I did DD. I don't know what to do, my supply is dwindling and I'm actually scared to let him feed as its so painful. I'm in bits emotionally

But you're not letting him down, OP, you've given him a great start in life. When DD was born you just had her to focus on, now you have her, DS and have recently gone back to work.

Did DD bite you? Are you worried you somehow favoured her above DS by keeping on bf her? Or is it that it is the end of an era, perhaps you are planning to stick at two children, and mourn the passing of this time of life.

So many demands on you, and now your sore nipple, honestly there are so many varied opportunities for mums to give and give throughout their DCs' lives, I promise saying goodbye to your imagined 2 year plan is not going to short-change him. You can still have precious cuddles and together time. Our children still need us way beyond their infancy.

Straight off if he bites at the begining of a feed, say no and put him on the floor no eye contact and no fuss.

Wait a few minutes and try again.

DD2 bit at the end of a feed as a reflex as she fell asleep. Thats easy you learn to feel the child relax, finger in corner of mouth and un latch them before they bite.

Pressing a older child to you doesn't work, far too much head control. They can still breath and they can still bite. You have to slip a finger in the corner of their mouth an break the seal

Could he be teething at the moment? Is is possible he is in pain? for you - I've got a biting problem at the moment too, and it's not much fun.

When my wee one was biting, I used to get all ready to feed then hand-express to get the milk going. Then, when his mouth was open, I'd kind of squirt him in the mouth before giving him the boob so he would be gulping right away. And as soon as he stopped glugging, I'd use a pinkie to unlatch him so no chance to bite!

Thanks for your relies it's been a manic couple days at work.

Because I've been working and expressing feeds instead of feeding my nipple has started to heal, so that initial pain is lessening and there have been a few good feeds. Thanks for the tips though, I will try them all.

From an emotional point of view, I still don't know how I feel. I know I don't want to stop feeding. DD didn't bite, no. I don't consciously compare them, no, but maybe subconscious something is there. I have put too much pressure on myself and have too high expectations, I know this but I can't let go.

Sorry this is a waffle and probably doesn't make sense. I've tried talking about this to friends but nobody really gets how panicky it's making me feel.

If you are feeling panicky and somewhat overwhelmed it could be hormone inspired combined with the undoubted pressure of returning to work and anything else worrying you.

Two questions OP: have you mentioned to DH how you are feeling? Don't carry this on your own. Chat to the HV.
Or your GP if you find her/him easier to talk to.

BIG HUG OP. that age is a bit of a nightmare with feeding.

I used to stick a finger in to break the seal and say NO loudly and pop him on the floor. Wait a little while and then offer again.

Eventually he stopped and I stopped offering so often too as I thought he was biting when he was bored and wanted to do something else.

I could cope with the sleepy bite - ie at the end of a feed when the reflex means they clamp down - as i could break the seal and get him off pretty quick.
In hindsight i now know his biting was worse when he was teething (even if i didnt know he was teething at the time!!). I found feeding lying down helped.

Re the emotions - as LO starts feeding less some people feel a hormonal response and yours is probably happening at the same time as you plan your return to work - a v emotional time all round!. Play some great music, talk to your partner and spend some time with your LO skin to skin. When i returned to work I used to nurse in the bath every night so DS and I could reconnect. It was a v lovely time.

I also found talking to the women from my local LLL group really helped. we have a private FB group where we can post any time of day or night and someone else will share their stories! Next time we see each other at a group meeting or coffee morning we can share a little more. MAkes us all feel a little less eccentric and can talk to other people going through the same ups and downs - non bf mums of 10mos really cannot understand so i reallly appreciated this contact.

Hope this helps.

[Flowers]

I think you've hit the nail on the head really, he seems to be biting because he's bored, or not really hungry. So I'm going to strip back to literal 'demand' feeding. This will probably mean 100 night feeds but I can go with that for now, night feeds he doesn't bite.

I've spoken to DH but I think he feels a little helpless and not sure what to say, he doesn't understand my desire to continue to breastfeed. It's a fair observance really about hormones and emotions, looking objectively it certainly feels like that might be a case. I will do skin to skin and try lying down feeding again.

I don't know of I could talk to my hv, I'm a nurse and a bf peer supporter so it always feels like there is some expectation that I'm getting it right. I have however had a lovely heart to heart with my breastfeeding counsellor I work with which has helped. You are very perceptive, Donkeysdontridebicycles - you've picked up on some issues that I've felt but not spoken to anyone about.