3 day old constantly feeding - i have slept 4 hours in the last week. Help!

[Shockingundercrackers]

Just wondering if anyone's been through this and can offer advice. In brief I had DS2 after a very difficult natural labour on Tuesday. I had not slept more than two hours since Sunday. It's now technically Friday and I'm dangerously, fall asleep on your baby tired. I'm going spare and I'm scared ill drop him or squash him.

DH took him for a couple of hours last night and I slept which was great but he's tired too. Got him now and can hear screaming which is horrible. DS2 cannot be taken off the boob without him screaming and rooting. Despite cluster feeding for 4 hours solid he's still hungry and my tits are on fire. It's agony. My milk's come in, MW has checked latch, he has a small tongue tie (appt next week to cut this but may not be the problem anyway), I don't know what to do to get him to sleep so I can... Please help! He cannot be hungry, but he won't settle at all. What do I do?

Ps I have 2nd degree tear and lots of stitches so sitting is a bit of an issue,but I'm scared to feed him lying down in case I doze off.

Nothing comforts him except my nipple and I'm pretty sure he's not really drinking on the boob, just dozing and comfort sucking...

Sorry if this makes no sense at all, just trying to give as much info before baby brought back - oh.... Here he is. Will check back ASAP

You say he's still hungry then say he cannot be hungry, which is it? Maybe he just feels secure with you. He's only a few days old, did you expect to sleep? It's not unusual to be very sleep deprived in the first few weeks while you establish routine. You have a DP, take turns to sleep. I was a single parent.

Honestly, I'd co-sleep. There are dangers, much like with taking your children out in the car, but in the same way as you'd put them in a car seat, pre-plan how you are going to do it safely. IME its the only way to survive sometimes, and better to pre-plan safe co-sleeping then end up with him in bed with you ad-hoc and extremely over-tired.
I did this by placing a pillow next to dp so he couldn't roll onto DD, then I removed my pillows and either folded one in half length ways (so it couldn't unfold into her space) and laid on my side feeding her high up in the space where my pillows would normally be, then I moved down the bed when she was asleep. I later changed the pillow for a small head sized cushion so if I was to move in my sleep my head would fall off and wake me up! (Only happened once, I think its a bit like how you manage to sleep in a bed without falling out of it).
Get rid of the quilt and just have a sheet/blanket. Currently me and dp have separate ones so he can't pull it further up. Also, make sure Ds is not wearing more layers then you and that the room is ventilated (I.e have a window open a crack and the door open or pushed too).

I feel for you. The first 4/5 weeks with my DD was an absolute nightmare, she would have to be woken to feed during the day then wanted to feed constantly at night. pretty normal, but hellish when you're living through it. If your DH is on paternity leave, he needs to give you a break, even taking the baby and soothing him for an hour or so rather than constant feeding. These early days need to be very much a team effort if you are both around. Thinking of you. it is such a tough time. I coslept occasionally and you've been given good advice how to do that safely.

It's likely he's not transferring milk we due to the to the tongue tie, no matter how small. Movement usually helps babies sleep, can your DP take him out in the car or pram?

Poor you. I hope things improve quickly.
If he's feeding all the time, he may be trying to increase your milk supply, so it may ease a bit now your milk has come in. Or he's looking for comfort, in which case handing him off to your DP might give you a little break. Could he be too hot in this weather maybe?
If he's doing it because he's hungry then bully your midwife into bringing the TT appointment forward - telling her you can't carry on like this and are considering formula might speed things along a bit - even if that's not strictly true!
And she should be able to advise and reassure you on whether he's getting enough milk.

It will pass - it has to - but I hope it happens quickly for you.

This is a good read about tongue ties. Get your midwife to show you how to do the exaggerated latch, if she can. It will help to get a deeper latch. There are instructions online here and other places but it is tricky.

PS I had the same sitting/stitches issue as you - going from lying or sitting to standing and vice versa was horrible for a few days but improves quite quickly. NCT hire out something called a valley cushion which made a big difference to that for me - worth seeing if you can hire one near you if you're in pain?

Hi. The first week or so is tough. Baby is feeding so much partly due to the tongue tie but even without this would still be feeding LOTS to establish your milk supply. Day 3-5 where your milk is coming in will be the toughest, but also a good sign that the feeding is working! Try and stick with it. When it settles down in a couple of weeks and you look back on this time it will feel worth it... I remember it well, I used to dread the nights, it seems harder in the dark. Good luck with the TT snip, keep asking for support and rest up as much as you can.

Thank you all so much for your lovely replies. Just to respond now I've had a straight 3 hour sleep ... Dh is amazing and takes him lots but he also is caring for our 3 year old and dealing with the grandparents (well meaning but Jesus cannot take a fucking hint) so is already overloaded. He's doing his best!

Really grateful for the tt advice and co-sleeping. Will try all your suggestions thank you!

I know this isn't what you want to hear but it sounds quite normal to me. He's developing your milk supply.

I always tell my first time mum friends (as no one ever warns them) that there will be a day, in the first week where baby will feed around the clock.

Hang in there, it will improve, I promise.

The tie is most likely the problem, you have a hungry baby. I topped up with formula prior to my DS's tie being snipped for just that reason, a couple of bottles a day to get some sleep. We easily re established supply after the snip following the method on Kelly Mom and he is still bf at ten months. It is hellish waiting for the appt, you have every sympathy!

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Feed lying down with your DH watching so that you CAN fall asleep if you're worried. He can read a book for a couple of hours, it'll make the world of difference to you.

Just had another thought, breast compressions may also be helpful

Thank you thank you everyone. Seriously. I'd forgotten how panicky and alone you can feel at 2 am with an unhappy baby. I should know how to do this! Ds1 was an exceptional sleeper. We just used to swaddle him, pop him in the Moses basket and bingo. Or am I deluding myself about that? Probably.

Tigress your post just made me cry. Thank you so much.

Congratulations :-)

I completely second the advice about co-sleeping. I think feeding your baby lying down in a safe co-sleeping set-up is less of a risk than feeding in an armchair and falling asleep there because you're so exhausted.

Breast compressions are also a great idea. I didn't discover them until my ever-hungry DS was 14 weeks and they made a huge difference.

Congratulations :-)

I completely second the advice about co-sleeping. I think feeding your baby lying down in a safe co-sleeping set-up is less of a risk than feeding in an armchair and falling asleep there because you're so exhausted.

Breast compressions are also a great idea. I didn't discover them until my ever-hungry DS was 14 weeks and they made a huge difference.

Our baby was a bit like this and I too had had a second degree tear (in fact, two) repaired in theatre and felt sore and fragile. Things we did that helped a bit: co-sleep - we had a bedside cot (a Babybay - worth considering?) so he had his "own space" but at the very beginning he needed to be right next to me to sleep so that's what we did; try a dummy - DS is just a very "sucky" baby, even when he's not hungry he wants to suck for comfort and the dummy was a big help; don't be afraid to give the odd bottle of formula when you really need a break - at this v. early stage we found those little ready-prepared bottles of 90ml would knock him right out for a couple of hours of blessed relief for me, and also meant DH got a chance to do a feed which he enjoyed. Doing this every few days from the beginning didn't cause us any probs with breastfeeding.

Oh bless you, I really can sympathise with you.

To be honest, it sounds normal.

It is so so tiring having just given birth, and this little baby is permanently attached to you 24/7. I remember the feeling well - I couldn't even go to the bathroom or get myself some food!

I haven't read all the replies, but my health visitor advised me actually it is perfectly ok to lie down and breastfeed.

If you lay baby on their side facing you and you on your side with your knees up and arm closest the bed up under your pillow, your other arm cradling baby, you are not going to roll onto baby. (You are almost like in the recovery position) Mothers have an instinct, even when asleep, not to roll over - as long as you don't drink alcohol or take drugs/certain medications (I'm sure you don't).

Whatever you do, don't feed sitting up if you are sleepy as this can be dangerous if baby slips off.

Let us know how you get on. All the best.

PS when mine was only a few days old, I wish the midwives had told me it was completely normal that babies are like this in the beginning, I thought I was going mad!
xxx

I agree that it's normal. If you do want to sleep, can your partner sit up and watch you? Mine did this and it was a great relief to know that if I did fall asleep I wouldn't squash my baby. (Except for the time he took her downstairs so I could get some sleep and I awoke convinced she was smothered under the duvet and got a bit hysterical - that's post-pregnancy hormones for you!)

Are there any other family members or friends around who can offer support? Any doting grandparents who would love a couple of hours with baby?

And the best bit of advice I was given, which I pass on to all new to breastfeeding is "eat chocolate cake and have a glass of wine". It really does help to stop you feeling like a milking machine.

Shockingundercrackers sorry I made you cry, tho maybe in a good way? Have things improved?

I stand by "it will get better" x

Yes yes in a great way! I think I just needed some reassurance that I could do it. I can. We're still feeding 9pm (when he begins his awake time) until 3 am constantly, but now I'm prepared, and have a system. I'm totally set up for him with everything I need in easy reach and I have a clock and time exactly 50 mins on each boob, after which DH takes him and walks him around while he screams and I take 10 mins to go to the loo, air dry that nipple, get a new cabbage leaf on and restock supplies. Then I switch to the other breast and do exactly the same, switching each hour like that till 3 and then he's so exhausted he finally sleeps.

Thank god DS1 is a good sleeper!

Anyway, the good news is, not only am I surviving this and I'm happy, I've got a lactation consultant coming round in an hours time to snip his tongue tie!!!!!!!! Yay yay yay..

I know this will change my life. I will still have baby who's wakey time is 9-3 but he should be happier and feeding less, and with less painful feeds for me, during that time and that's huge.

Repeat: this will pass, this will pass, this will pass.

Thank you so much to everyone who replied, I am so grateful, you've returned my sanity!

Good luck with the snipping!

One day, soon, you'll wake up after sleeping for four hours and not know how you ever got there!