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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Recommend a sleep book for an accidentally-attached parent

13 replies

Librarina · 12/07/2013 17:20

My Baby is nearly 4 weeks old and I'm slowly getting to know her and her preferences. We had a really hard start to Breastfeeding with thrush and sore nipples but we've really got the hang of it now and I'm starting to love it. Part of what has helped me enjoy her more has been bringing her into bed with me to sleep so i get lovely new baby cuddles to counteract the sore nipples, and feeding her lying down. I don't really wake up and neither does she which makes us both happier. so she'll feed to sleep 8-9ish (incl winding and a cuddle) then she'll feed twice in the night and wake up for the day at 6.

The other thing I do is carry her in a sling which she really likes and she snoozes in quite happily. However our problem is that she cannot fall asleep when lying down in her bednest, only when nursing, slung, pram or carseat, and she quite often wakes up on transferring. I really don't mind sleeping with her at night but I could do with her napping in her bednest in the day.

So, using your experience and skills, can you recommend a book about how to sleep that you think will fit into the attachment-lite style of parenting I seem to have adopted, or if you have any tips that would be great. Thanks.

OP posts:

MrsWildermac · 12/07/2013 17:23

I'm still pregnant but have been reading Sleep: the easy way to peaceful nights and it seems v good and practical. I know several people that have read it and their babies all sleep 12 hours through the night...desperately hoping that it'll work for our pfb too!

RhinestoneCowgirl · 12/07/2013 17:30

Congratulations on your new arrival

Co-sleeping and slinging your baby are lovely for your baby (don't let anyone tell you about 'making a rod for your own back'). My second DC spent pretty much the first 3 months of her life in my wrap sling, snoozing between feeds.

I had 'The No Cry Sleep Solution' by Elizabeth Pantley, which is really good if you want to be gently nudging your baby to sleep better, rather than doing formal sleep training. But in any case I wouldn't worry about sleep routines at 4 weeks old, still so tiny!

pleiadianpony · 12/07/2013 19:53

what is a bednest?..it sounds lovely!

TremoloGreen · 12/07/2013 20:05

I am reading The Sears Baby Sleep Book - lots of tips about co-sleeping and nighttime feeding. It works around the philosophy of not forcing a sleep routine on your baby and allowing her to become more independet when she's ready.

I'll check out those other suggestions too

NoWayPedros · 12/07/2013 20:21

4 week olds rarely fall asleep in a moses basket/cot etc. and love being snuggled up on mum or dad so you're really not accidentally attachment parenting.

nethunsreject · 12/07/2013 20:31

Agree with no cry sleep solution and sears. Both good. Also visit ISIS website for info on normal infant sleep. Oh and congratulations on your lovely new child

squidkid · 12/07/2013 20:56

Congratulations!

She sounds like a lovely settled baby, and a great sleeper to be honest.

For what it's worth, my baby slept only on me or with me for the first 6 weeks of her life - and then quite happily transferred to a cot and started sleeping 10-11 hours a night! it all went to pot at 4 months but don't think about that now

Personally I would leave the training until much, much later and only then if you are unhappy with how she is sleeping.

Badgerwife · 13/07/2013 08:52

I second the 'No Cry Sleep Solution', I am also an accidental attachment parent and couldn't go with the controlled crying method at all and I found this book really helpful. But it and all the other books on helping your child sleep better are not for young babies whatever GF tells you. Babies are meant to eat and sleep round the clock. People who talk about their babies sleeping really well etc are just lucky to have a baby who sleeps lots, and I should know, I've got one of each and it really is nothing to do with me!

Original poster

Librarina · 13/07/2013 16:12

Thanks for your responses. I think RhinestoneCowgirl hits the nail in the head, my Mums been nagging me about 'making a roof for me own back' by pandering to her all the time. I just know I'm happy when she's close to me and I think she sleeps well that way too.

PleidanPony. A bednest is a crib that attaches to the bed so she's right next to you. I thought it would be perfect for us but she feels too far away in it, I have to sit up to get her out whereas if she's in bed with me I can at least feed in one side lying down. We hired ours from the NCT for 6 months and at the minute it's a nice storage area for my nighttime flapjack and water bottle!

I am very lucky, we do get more sleep that I thought we would, I just got the fear that I would be going to bed with her at 8pm for the rest of my life!

OP posts:

CityDweller · 13/07/2013 19:45

My 12 wo was like this at the beginning. Now she happily sleeps in her bednest from 8ish pm until 5ish am and then again, after a quick feed, until 7.30 ish. She's been doing that for a while now (3 or 4 wks I think) and I haven't had to do anything to encourage her. Although we did do the hot water bottle in bednest to ease the transfer from warm body to crib, but the weather was colder...

She still only really sleeps on me or dh - in arms or sling - for daytime naps. But I'm accepting of that for now!

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/07/2013 08:14

I'd ignore your Mum, know how hard that can be though. Research shows that babies whose needs are met like this cry less and sleep better by 7 months. Depending on how open your Mum is to new things, you could try getting her to read this article on kellymom

Haven't read the Dr Sears book but have read a lot of his online stuff and it makes good sense. Before you get the book, have a read of 31 ways to get your baby to sleep and stay asleep and see if it suits your thinking

We used the No Cry Sleep Solution with our DS with some success, he was a real problem sleeper though, your dd just sounds normal

One book I did love with dc2 was Babycalming by Caroline Deacon and I really wish I'd read it before having Dc1. Its not a how to, but explains why your baby is behaving in that way and helps you find a way that suits you both. The author is a BFC and all the information is evidence based, so you know its not just one (probably untrained) persons opinion, like so many other parenting books.

Congratulations on your lovely newborn and keep enjoying those cuddles

RhinestoneCowgirl · 14/07/2013 09:17

I had Babycalming Jilted I think we were given it in NCT class, it is a lovely book.

Librarina even though my mum bf and was considered a fairly hippyish parent (well it was the 70s!), she did say things about routines and putting DS down to sleep in his cot. I remember trying to settle to sleep at 7pm when he was about 6 weeks old when my parents were visiting so that we could eat a meal together, what a faff!

I really believe that if you meet a baby's needs when they are tiny, that it pays off in the long run. And 4 weeks is still very new. My DC are 4yrs and nearly 7yrs now, so baby days are long behind us, but I don't regret any time I/DH spent cuddling them when small. DH used to wear the baby in a sling for a few hours in the evening when they were newborn, so that I could get a bit of rest, he also remembers this as a really special time.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 14/07/2013 09:36

Forgot to put in my post, and it agrees with Rhinestone, why not keep dd up until you want to go to bed? My DC used to snooze on DH while we ate or chatted and I just took her to bed when I wanted to go.

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