Increase supply without expressing?

[OdaBear]

Hello all

I need to pick your brains. My second son is 4 weeks old. We were ebf until his first weight. He lost 10.8% and we were advised to top up. Did so for a couple of days with excellent results. After a couple of days I began weaning the formula and returned to ebf. I have since spent the vast majority of my life holding my son, putting him on the breast at every opportunity (feeding and comfort). We part-time bed share. I eat (too) well and stay hydrated. And I feel more well rested than I ever did with my first, despite now having two young boys.

Four weeks in, and although I?m not at the end of my tether, don't have sore boobs or nipples, for the sake of my eldest son's happiness and life, my marriage and my living space, I am thinking about returning to topping up with formula.

I would like to keep some supply there so i can offer my son my breasts for nourishment and comfort, but am wondering is there a way of increasing/maintaining supply without expressing? The only thing that kills my nipples is expressing. I am very comfortable otherwise. (I know the physiology of bf - I am just clutching at straws here).

When you say topping up, do you mean replacing some feeds with formula?

What are you hoping for? Feeds to be more spaced apart? Shorter? You might find that comes in a couple more weeks of ebfing anyway.

If you want someone else to give feeds, then the advice is usually to pick one feed, usually the bedtime one, and replace it with formula.

Is it that he's feeding to frequently (you feel), or that you're still worried about his weight?

The easiest way to maintain supply is to feed more often or for longer per feed (offer both sides and then the first side again).

They do want to feed, or to suck, pretty much constantly at this age though. I ended up using a dummy with ds2, but if you're worried about supply and weight gain then this wouldn't be a good idea for you.

I don 't know how accurate it is but there are lists if foods which encourage milk production (oats?) or diminish it (mint?).
If you can possible have a day where you just lie on the sofa, rest and feed a lot it might help.
With two of my three children I thought I had low milk supply, I few years on and I realised that those two eat loads and burn off calories fast- is your baby quite active?
Good luck.

Noble - following bf with ff. Am hoping to keep some supply of bm once I start ff topups. Not fussed about others feeding him - I prefer to feed him, but my husband would like to bond more with him.

Slepyhead - he is feeding very frequently, which is totally normal for his age. I also allow him to use me as a dummy, as that is what my boobs are for. (I want this to continue if I start ff). I have the time for him, but it is at a massive expense to my 19 month-old son, who is getting NONE of my time, and didn't whilst I was pregnant (bad pregnancy).

Notsochic - thanks for understanding re: first borns. He is my biggest motivation for this decision. I feel very distant from him at the moment.

Voodika - thanks for the tips on food to avoid. Hadn't thought of that. I have spent every day on the sofa/bed with him, bf him constantly. I have no problem with this, but I don't have another me to give my toddler son. I don't mind the constant, time-consuming nursing, I'm not sore...

I basically feel like a shit mother to my first son, and I miss him. I know he misses me too. Other relatives are not a substitute for your mother. He can't even have a cuddle from me when wants to because I always have my newborn latched on. He's very active, so he won't sit and cuddle on the sofa with us. I used to take him out to the park and do activities with him. I wouldn't know what to do at a playgroup - you still have to supervise your kids. How am I supposed to do that while having an indefinitely long breastfeed?

Ok, now I'm getting a bit upset...

OdaBerar - you sound so sad and upset about which way to turn :(

Sounds to me you have high expectations of formula feeding.

Switching to bottles may still mean you feel the (perfectly normal) pull of a mother towards her first born, and you will still be working on ways to meet both their differing needs. Bf and topping up is a hassle which takes up time which you don't have a lot of (from the sound of it).

The idea that your dh will bond because of the opportunity to give the occasional bottle of formula seems to me to be misplaced, too - fathers of bf babies bond perfectly well and they find other ways to take the pressure off their partners. Now's a good time for your dh to spend more time with your first son, for example.

Breastfeeding has been a challenge for you, which you have won - and you are still in the very early days, and I would say, it's early for the decision to increase the use of formula again.

There's no rush, is there?

There are a zillion ways to reestablish the bond with a first baby.

Bathing together.

Cosleeping.

5-10 mins guarenteed one to one time, with no baby around, twice a day.

Using the spare arm (only available with bf:) ) to cuddle/play/look at a book with the toddler.

Singing favourite songs with him.

Etc etc :)

When my DS2 was tiny, feed time was story time.DS1 would sit on arm of the chair and we looked at books together - a huge pile of them.
I also put him in a big wraparound sling so that when he wanted to sleep "on me" I could still run around with DS1 - probably a bit hot in this weather but we did have a decent summer that year and he is a spring baby.
BFing is so much less of a pain in the ass with 2 children. You never have to drag DS1 home from the park/friend's house because DS2 is hungry, you don't have all that extra washing up etc etc. if you can find a way to make feed times special for both your children it will pay off in the long term. Your 19mo will have a little brother for the rest of his life and it is going to cause some tensions for as long as he lives. It will also bring him enormous fun. Please don't sacrifice BF to try and make DS1's life "normal"!