Please help me, I'm going mad

[Fairy130389]

DS (2 weeks) has been feeding constantly since about 4pm yesterday. He cluster fed until 10.30. We decided to introduce bottle of formula (please don't flame me, I'm already wracked with guilt), which he had at 12, he slept until 2am and has slept a total of 1hour since. He has literally not stopped feeding, hasn't slept, screams until as soon as he is put down, anywhere. Is he ill? Is there nothing I can do? Dh says it won't hurt to let him cry a bit as it will maybe break feeding cycle but I just can't do this. I can't carry on like this for much longer, I can feel myself getting frustrated with DS but I just need to sleep

Exactly what wouldbe said. Ride it out. Cuddle and feed lots and lots. It is exhausting, but so worth it in the end. You sound like you are doing what most of us have, including the frustration and sleep deprivation. It will be fine. This bit is tough, but a wee ff when you have to won't be the end of the world either. Maybe your DH could do a bottle and a walk in the pram until you catch 1 hour down time. Keep at it!

Awh you poor thing. I'm far from expert but didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Newborns really do feed alot so there's every chance it's normal. It's how your milk supply gets established as the more they suck the more you make. Does he seem content immediately after feeds (except when cluster feeding) and is he producing lots of wet and dirty nappies? Letting him cry is unlikely to make him feed less as his stomach is really tiny, about the size of his fist, and breast milk is digested really quickly, so he really can be hungry very quickly.

There's a chance if he does seem unhappy, struggles to latch well or perhaps falls off the breast while feeding that he could have a tongue tie which can mean they don't feed efficiently so want to feed even more than other newborns. I haven't got enough experience to know whether that might be worth looking at.

Here are some links to read with better advice:
kellymom.com/bf/normal/newborn-nursing/
kellymom.com/health/baby-health/bfhelp-tonguetie/

You could also call one of the helplines www.thebabycafe.org/breastfeeding-help/2-helpline-numbers.html or even better find some real life support from someone experienced and knowledgeable about breastfeeding, which sadly not all midwives are.

You are doing great, hang on in there

I could cope with a 45 min gap between feeds! We are achieving more like 10 mins max, and even the it's only because he's briefly fallen asleep!! I'm just so so tired, I never thought it would be this hard! We have had probs since the egining bf as he had a tongue tie but this growth spurt is pushing me over te edge. I was so keen to bf but surely a ff baby with sane mummy is better tan bf baby with psycho sleep deprived mummy???

I agree it sounds like a growth spurt. At the same age, DD fed every hour for 28 hours & each fed took at least 30 mins. That was over 3yrs ago & I still look back at it with horror!
Its also very hot. Your DS's only way to satisfy his thirst (as well as hunger) is through feeding.
The spurt will be over very soon. I'd suggest sitting in a cool room with the tennis on, lots of water & loads of yummy snacks (flapjaxk is very good as oats aid milk production) and just dedicate yourself to feeding & cuddles.
And remember you're doing brilliantly.

Ah there you go, that took me so long to write on my phone that you've already got better advice It really does get better, this morning I was trying to persuade DD to feed as my breasts were full (she's 22 weeks).

Thank you so much to all of you. I'm just a tired hormonal mess which is probably not helping. He had his tongue tie snipped last week and all midwives have said latch seems fine, he has loads of wet &dirty nappies so think he is getting the milk ok but just won't stop! X

Ah ok, so did you have the tongue tie snipped and have you had proper support with getting him attached? Is he perhaps falling asleep because he's working so hard to get the milk but still hungry? Have you tried breast compressions?

If you want to keep breastfeeding then you can get through this with the right support. Have you tried cosleeping and feeding lying down? It will get better if he's treated and as his mouth gets bigger. Could you take it one day at a time and see how it goes?

If you do want to stop that's ok too and nobody should judge. The helplines can also advise on stopping safely without getting too uncomfortable.

You've been given great advice how to manage your baby but today its YOU that needs the help just to get through today...

Pop baby in pram, send dh off out for a good long walk. Minimum an hour, preferably 2! You grab a nap and something to eat. Look after yourself. Your meeting babys needs but its yours that matter more this afternoon.

Cross posts again. Great advice from wouldbe. Get DP to look after you and have a really lazy time in bed. And check the tie again when you can.

I'm going to get flamed for this but sometimes its got to be said! Every baby is different, some are more hungry than others.

Don't kill yourself trying to breastfeed. Your happiness and mental health is vital for a happy child. Some children are easier to breastfeed than others. My two nearly killed me! Cluster feeding was a joke, it wasn't cluster feeding it was all day and all night hell on earth. They were starving.

Personally with ds I stopped at a month old after hellish nights of screaming, no sleep (40mins between feeds), unhappy baby and utter misery for us! Bottles helped with some of it, I got more sleep ds slept for longer. Turned out he was just a rubbish sleeper and frustrated baby so as much as it eased it didn't solve the problem. He still screamed due to colic but not all the time.

Dd is only 8 days old and was worse, cluster feeding from 6pm-3am not sleeping for more than 1hr stretches at anytime. This with ds to look after was not sustainable so bottles it is. This was not an easy decision but one that i am now happy with. 4 days in and she is a different baby!

Formula is not poison, it doesn't hurt your children, its not heroin it's just reinforced milk especially for baby!

You can continue breast feeding knowing that this is what happens with your baby. By seeing the benefits as greater than the suffering it becomes worthwhile. You could combination feed and get a little bit of both worlds. Or just go with bottles.

Don't miss out on your first weeks feeling tortured because of this. For my family it was a question of quality of life for all of us.

I'm probably going to get told off for suggesting this, but as it's so hot it is possible he is actually feeding for a drink rather than because he is so hungry.

If I were you I would boil some water let it go cold and just offer a bit on a sterilised teaspoon. It certainly won't interfere with bf majorly but could calm down the feeds enough to grab an hour's sleep.

Get DH to walk him for an hour in the pram as others have suggested too.

Also could you just lay on your bed and feed lying down.
And make sure you are eating and drinking lots to get that milk flowing!

Hang on in there Fairy, it will probably be better by tomorrow. I remember having a terrible day with my DS feeding so much I was sore at about 5 days. I was in floods of tears and sure neither of us were going to make it. The next day I was nudging him to check he was ok he slept so much! Do get some rl support too.

DH has taken my step daughter out for the day t give me some 'peace' must remember it's not his fault... Thanks so much for all your support, I can't tell you how much I needed it. I am currently sitting here with a bottle... But I have found a breast feeding support group with a HV tomorrow.

Could you try and give him a dummy, if you haven't already? I gave my son a dummy at five days old despite all my good intentions, if I hadn't I'd have gone insane. He was comfort sucking rather than always feeding and it gave me a little rest between feeds. It's no more likely to interrupt your feeding than the bottles. Hope you're doing ok.

Lots of good advice here. Really does sound like the growth spurt. I remember going mad at 2 weeks. It was over in 48 hours and everything got a bit easier. There is another one at 6 weeks (which probably feels like a lifetime away to you). No one will judge you for how you feed your baby but this sounds normal, it's the baby trying to increase your supply - if you decide to continue with bf hope you can take some comfort from that. It will pass. Take care. Hugs from me too.

Well done! Remember to drink lots of water yourself. Are you all set up with your snacks, drinks, tv remote? Comfy position and cushions? I used to like a cool cloth to keep my breasts fresh and comfortable on marathon feeds. It's worth taking a few minutes to yourself, even if baby doesn't like it, to get what you need. Stretch your legs, go to the loo. Don't sit down without your phone!

One or two bottles does not make him ff, if you would like to keep bfing, just do so as much as you can manage. Do go along to the support group tomorrow, it'll help.

I can't remember the number of times I fell asleep with DD lying on top of me feeding and woke with her still there...

You are not alone in feeling this way, we all find a way to see it through and as long as baby is somehow fed and comforted and you are well, you can get there. I was a bundle of hormones at this stage as well, which is not ideal.

As everyone here says you are not alone! DD2 is 8 weeks and cluster fed like mad at 2 weeks. We give her the odd bottle at 10pm and its been a lifesaver! She now goes 3-4 hrs each side of 10pm. I've been able to breastfeed quite happily. X

It's very hot. Many babies, especially young ones, need more feeding. Their mothers need support and TLC :) and ways to rest/sleep while feeding. All babies go through growth spurts from time to time, and it can be at any age.

Babies cry when something is wrong.....letting a small baby cry without doing anything is not kind and makes them very stressed :(

Fairy, I hope you have a calm evening and night and manage some more sleep and rest :)