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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

How will I cope, bfing newborn + toddler to look after

14 replies

Rhubarb78 · 06/07/2013 11:17

i posted the other day re dd's continuous feeds in the evening, yesterday she was the same in the day and then eventually settled for a couple of hours. The thing is, dh is back to work on Monday and I will have this plus a 16 month old to care for on my own. I have no idea how I will manage, I am totally drained and feel like she is just feeding all the time. This morning she woke at 4, went on the breast for a few minutes, fell asleep so I put her down and she wanted to go back on again, this pattern continued till 7am with no sleep for me or her.
I have a splitting headache, am exhausted and am meant to be going to a family party tonight (with dd) however i know she will just want feeding the whole time I am there and I am not comfortable feeding her in front of people. Sorry if this is waffly, I am at the end of my tether and I can't see me being able to cope much longer with bfing. I don't want to give up but I can't see an end to these marathon feeding sessions

OP posts:
LAF77 · 06/07/2013 12:07

Can you sidecar her cot and bring her next to you and feed her lying down! It's the only way I can survive!

LAF77 · 06/07/2013 12:08

Also, if you have a sling, like a caboo carrier, you could latch her on and no one would know you are nursing her in public!

LoganMummy · 06/07/2013 12:13

I'm going through this as well. My only solution is to have family members come and help in evening - is this possible for you?
Could you express and then someone else could feed and you nap?

SchroSawMargeryDaw · 06/07/2013 12:16

I find that if DS2 (2wo) does this that if I give him expressed milk in a bottle it will sort of reset his feeding pattern as he will take more from the bottle as he isn't as cosy tucked in to my boobs!

Is this an option?

AidanTheRevengeNinja · 06/07/2013 12:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alltheflowers · 06/07/2013 13:12

Agree with aiden, forget the party. Say you feel ill if you need another reason (sleep deprivation makes you feel ill so its not far from the truth).

I felt exactly the same as you - I had an 18 month old and a newborn. I was hideously sleep deprived and had no idea how I would cope. I cried alot and sometimes wondered why I'd had two so close together. I'm still up alot in the night but I don't feel awful anymore, I'm actually enjoying it. However, I did have the support of my parents close by.

So - can anyone help you so you can nap for a bit? Or if your body clock is screwed to the point where you can't nap, at least rest?

Sleep deprivation is so horrible - it affects how you feel. But it won't harm you, it's something you just have to endure in those early weeks and it really does get better. Don't worry about how you will cope, because you just will. And once you've managed on your own even for half a day, your confidence will go up and that will make everything seem easier.

Stopping breastfeeding isn't giving up, you have to make the right choice for you and your baby. But maybe give yourself another week and see how you feel then? It's such a lovely thing to be able to do when your baby is a bit older and you don't feel so knackered.

Also the cluster feeding stage passes quite quickly. And I was the same about feeding in public, I wasn't comfortable with it in the early days.

Sorry, keep thinking of things to add! I just know exactly how you feel. Things to help cope with hardly any sleep - drink lots and lots of water, eat as healthily as you can. And try bachs night rescue drops to help you relax at night, even if you don't get much sleep. And remember it always gets better!

Rhubarb78 · 06/07/2013 15:44

Thanks everyone. I got a bit more sleep this morning and she has had a couple of hours off so i am feeling a bit better. She sleeps in a moses basket and our bed is quite high so not sure the sidecar thing would work. Interesting about expressing, i did that last night and she went from 11 till 2. I just dont want her to get too used to the bottle and i am never sure when is best to express because i never know when a feed is finished!
I also worry a lot about neglecting ds, he is never actually neglected, i do have lots of support from family but i just feel like i am hardly spending any time with him because i am always feeding dd. I am used to giving him my undevided attention. Thanks everyone for listening to my woes! I do realise that i am incredibly lucky to have 2 beautiful children

OP posts:
Nadalsballs · 06/07/2013 15:54

Oh I feel your pain! It's awful at first. My advice is to ignore anything that isn't really important. That means cleaning, making sure other people are happy (don't go to the party unless you want to), cooking, your hair etc etc. Don't feel guilty about anything - if your 16mo sits in front of cbeebies for hours while you feed DC2 it really doesn't matter, if you start bottle feeding that's fine too, if that's what helps your well-being.

You must be kind to yourself and take each minute at a time. You will cope because we (mums) are designed to and in a few weeks time you will feel so much better.

I found that play dates at other people's houses helped too. DS was amused and I could sit and feed DD without being bothered. My friends would bring tea and distract DS if he was climbing on me.

Good luck with it all, in no time they'll be beating each other up and that brings a whole new set of challenges...

lightrain · 06/07/2013 16:05

Good advice in this thread OP. just wanted to add - lustre feeding will pass! I know it seems like it will lady forever right now ( I was where you are a few weeks ago) but it will end!

Sod the party tonight, get DH to go and take the toddler. Then hopefully you can catch some sleep. If you snuggled on your bed and fed lying down could you snooze at the same time?

lightrain · 06/07/2013 16:06

*cluster, not lustre!
*last not lady

Bloody hell! Autocorrect fail!

LAF77 · 06/07/2013 19:16

OP if you have a high bed, can you raise the cot mattress up? We have this problem and I have put multiple duvets underneath the mattress to bring it to the height of our bed,

mamas12 · 07/07/2013 10:21

Hi rhubarb
Just to add to the advice
Get ALL the help you can
Accept ANY offer of another pair of hands and look after yourself properly ie make sure you are eating and drinking enough
It's not fair this modern parenting thing that the nuclear family have to cope alone get your mum to move in with you
Think about it this way in days gone by mums (and dads) had all the help from extended family women even stayed in hospital for at least a fortnight to help recover so why nowadays are we all left 'stranded' so to speak and left to cope in our own
Take no shame in telling people you need a hand

NomDeClavier · 07/07/2013 10:24

I definitely second the sling advice. Sometimes it's closeness they want rather than milk, and if you can learn to BF in a carrier so much the better.

FourLittleDudes · 07/07/2013 11:06

Hi, I have four children, my youngest is now five months and his brother has just turned 2 so a similar gap. I remember crying when I was sat feeding ds4 for hours as I felt like I had abandoned ds3 and he wouldn't love me anymore etc. it did get easier, we all snuggle up on the sofa whilst I'm feeding and watch a film or I read a book to them. Co-sleeping saved my sanity.

It does get easier but it is so hard. I'm a single parent and have been since before ds4 was born so we've all had to adjust, ds3 being so young has meant he's adjusted quickly though and got used to playing more on his own at times. When ds4 is asleep I try and make sure I make more of a fuss of ds3 with lots of cuddles etc

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