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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

Original poster

Would you let a close friend BF your DC?

37 replies

IcouldstillbeJoseph · 04/07/2013 08:29

This question has just come up between me and a friend who is also BF her baby of a similar age. She seemed to think it would be preferable to formula if she was poorly or something but I must admit my first thought was a little bit 'eww' but I don't really know why...

OP posts:
MrsLettuce · 04/07/2013 08:31

Yes, I absolutely would have.

twosmallbuttons · 04/07/2013 08:35

Yes of course I would. Why is it 'ewww'? It's human milk - what human babies need. If a ebf baby needed a feed, much better for a friend to bf it (with human milk) than ff it (with modified cows milk, which it may not have had before...possible allergies etc).
No brainer to me!

ballroomblitz · 04/07/2013 08:36

No mainly because your milk is designed for your own baby's needs imo and it wouldn't be my personal preference. I would be a bit like you but also don't know why. However when ds was in NICU I was told if I couldn't produce milk there was donated milk. If I couldn't have, I absolutely would have taken the donated milk.

ballroomblitz · 04/07/2013 08:39

Maybe it's the shared closeness of bf I wouldn't be comfortable with?? I'm not sure

Cheeseatmidnight · 04/07/2013 08:40

My sister and I decided we would on emergencies when babies were ebf

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 04/07/2013 08:41

The 'eww' was just a knee-jerk response, I don't know why. Maybe it's because BF is such an intimate thing between you and your baby, I dunno.
But yes, thinking about it calmly it would be a nice thing for a friend to do.
Far more natural to have another human's milk I suppose

OP posts:
ReallyTired · 04/07/2013 08:42

No! I wouldn't let a close friend have sex with my husband either!

Breastfeeding so inimate. Its far more than just a way of feeding a baby: its an entire mothering relationship.

I would use donor milk and infact I have donated breastmilk. I have never met the babies who had my breastmilk so there is no emotional relationship.

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 04/07/2013 08:42

Ballroom - we feel the same obviously!

OP posts:
Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 04/07/2013 08:43

Cheese - did you ever do it?

OP posts:
ByHecuba · 04/07/2013 08:49

Hmm. I think I would be fine if it was a sister, or another close blood relative. I can think of very few friends that I feel comfortable enough to imagine them doing this. AFAIK, we all get tested for HIV during pg, so that very small risk to the baby is already factored out of the equation. I don't know, if it came to it, I could probably get over the gut reaction.

MonstersDontCry · 04/07/2013 08:51

I wondered how long it would take for breastfeeding to be compared to sex.

Yes I would be happy for a friend to bf my baby. My DD never took a bottle anyway so it would have given me the option to go out for once!

EauRouge · 04/07/2013 08:52

Yes, and I would feed someone else's baby too. It must have been pretty common to do that way back. I think now it's less common because there's a cultural squeamishness about breastfeeding, and concerns about health risks (which are incredibly small).

Original poster
IcouldstillbeJoseph · 04/07/2013 08:54

I am more uncomfortable with the comparison of BF with sex!

OP posts:
FannyFifer · 04/07/2013 08:54

You can hardly compare it to sex ffs.

I would breastfeed another baby if necessary, would have been quite interesting to see how different it was from feeding my own. Grin

If my baby had needed feeding I wouldn't have minded a close friend doing it.

Don't get the yuk comments at all, it would be preferable to me than formula.

twosmallbuttons · 04/07/2013 09:10

Comparing bf a friend's baby to sex is really unhelpful and just plain wrong IMO. Hmm

This kind of attitude is part of the reason why new mothers constantly fret about feeding in public. Feeding a tiny baby. It's milk, from the breast. It's not sexual at all.

AidanTheRevengeNinja · 04/07/2013 09:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HopHopHoppitySplash · 04/07/2013 09:25

I would feed a baby under 3-4 months with no worry, but I think I'd find it a bit strange after that. My DD is 9 months and I'm planning to self wean, but it's just different with her, I think someone else's older baby would seem too alert and just a bit wrong as it should be their mum not me, and they would know that. (Not saying it IS wrong, just that's how I would feel)

twosmallbuttons · 04/07/2013 09:40

But older babies may well have started solids so will be less reliant on milk as their only source of nutrition.

MotherofDragons82 · 04/07/2013 10:22

I would. A close friend, or family absolutely. I don't see a problem with it at all.
I think the "ewww" reaction is a fairly modern phenomenon. I mean, in the past people had wet nurses, and I don't think that was ever compared to the wet nurse shagging one's husband.

In fact, I'd quite like to - I'd be intrigued to know if they fed differently!

dollywobbles · 04/07/2013 10:27

I would. Definitely.
Can't see the similarity with shagging my DH though. Bit odd that that's where your mind went ReallyTired, you must be really tired.

ReallyTired · 04/07/2013 12:55

Why shouldn't I compare breastfeeding to sex? Sex isn't always sleezy.
However its digging your head in the sand to not acknowledge that both sex and breastfeeding have a sensual side to them.

When sex is part of a deep loving long term relationship forms a bond. It is literally making love. Breastfeeding is far more than just a way of feeding a baby just as sex is more than reproduction of the human race.

Hormones are released during both sex and breastfeeding that make the people involved fall in love. I wouldn't want my baby falling in enough with another woman anymore than than I would want my husband falling in love with another woman. I would struggle if I bonded to some one else's baby to give it back.

Would you REALLY want your baby to form a primary attachment with someone who is not their parent? I know that I would be over come with jelousy if my baby looked up with starry eyes into another woman's face.

There is nothing wrong with comparing breastfeeding to sex as both are natural and beautiful functions. Perhaps the issue is how sex is percieved in Western culture where it has become a casual commodity.

silverangel · 04/07/2013 12:56

If I was bf and couldn't for one or a couple of feeds I wouldn't have a problem with it at all. Dts were scbu babies and we were offered milk bank but dh couldn't get his head round it so we didn't.

I think ewww is a bit of a knee jerk reaction. Wet nurses were regularly employed in the past but then perhaps the issue with a friend would be the emotional issue.

Sorry, just read motherofdragons post - I agree!

MotherofDragons82 · 04/07/2013 13:03

ReallyTired - cuddling has a "sensual" side to it, and I wouldn't have an issue with a friend cuddling my baby.
Your argument is bizarre.

mrsmartin1984 · 04/07/2013 13:11

I would if I couldn't. As long as it is someone I trusted

LaRosaBella · 04/07/2013 13:12

I wouldn't have a problem with it at all.