This is making me very sad, any advice?

[vjhist85]

Dd is 16 weeks, since about 4w introduced bedtime bottle (initially ebm then formula) then at 12ish weeks one more bottle in the day. We used mam bottles and kept to size one teats. About 3 weeks ago, she started fussing at particular feeds, usually the mid afternoonish (I always fed on demand but she's pretty much like clockwork). This got gradually worse and worse, full on meltdowns every time I put her to the breast, we'd both end up in floods of tears, her obviously starving hungry but just not latching on. Occasionally she would latch on til letdown then pull of screaming. I'd end up giving a bottle, which of course is self-perpetuating. For the last couple of days she's only fed at her middle of the night feed, the rest she refuses. I have basically decided that I need to just move to the bottle full time but it just makes me so sad. I've tried everything, I've tried always offering but having a bottle ready to avoid meltdowns, offering boob after for comfort sucking, getting her the moment she wakes up, putting her on in her sleep (this works but doesn't seem to have any impact on wakeful feeds!) I want to breastfeed, although its important that she takes a bottle as I have work days planned etc. I've been expressing to try to keep my supply up and to stay comfortable, but I feel the end is nigh. Has anyone got any other advice to persuade her back onto the breast? I can't stop crying about it.

Hi, I cant help with the bf as I had huge struggles with it myself... (a whole other thread) but I just want to say your baby will be fune. You have done SO WELL! to get this far! I only managed 3 weeks max with all 3 of mine.
It is absolutly fine and normal to feel sad, in fact devastated is a better word about stopping. I was an emotional wreck each tume I did, but my dc3 is a newborn and I only cried for the first day this time because I knew I had done my best for her and my other 2 were fine.
Have a good cry, have plenty of top-off cuddles and it will be ok xxxx

I'm sure there will be someone along on here with helpful advice as to how to get back on breast.

All I can say is please do not beat yourself up about it (I know how cr*p it makes you feel when baby won't BF from you). There is enough pressure on you as a mum as it is without giving you stress about this, which will make the whole BF thing an anxious time for both of you (and less productive anyway). Ultimately, baby will tell you what they want.

You want to BF but its important she takes a bottle. Well, she is, so you've achieved that. Is it better to have a fed and happy baby than a starving, ravenous, screaming baby and upset mum?

I am not an expert but I have had some similar fussiness from my DS, 16 weeks old.

I found really useful stuff on the kellymom website about nursing strikes and how to coax baby back to the breast. Sorry I don't know how to link from my phone but should be relatively easy to find via google.

I have put my DS's fussiness down to fast let down, there is also useful info on this on the kellymom website. Hope that helps. Good luck and like other posters have said you have done great to get so far with bf.

Just to add, something I found worked was letting DS suck my finger or dummy in feeding position, wait until he's really relaxed, and then quickly swap finger/dummy for nipple. Bit devious but usually worked for me. Loads of other tips on kellymom website.

sounds like nursing strike, my ds1 did this it was horrible! you WILL get through it.
keep offering breast with no pressure.
try sitting in a different place to feed.
pump if you need to, for supply.
you and baby need time alone together skin to skin. perhaps snuggle in bed, offer breast lying down often works.
your letdown may be too fast, esp if your boobs are full from not feeding. try the lying down, or lean back slightly. keep baby a bit more upright so milk doesn't go directly down throat IYSWIM?
rock baby to sleep with shirt on, when asleep just cradle baby next to bare breast, you may find they naturally nuzzle and feed then.
try if you can, to be relaxed ....v.hard with full sore boobs!
good luck

also, she may be changing her feeding 'routine', maybe not hungry hungry like she was. perhaps moving from 3hrs to 3½ hours for example?

Thanks everyone, I've tried everything on kellymom but I'll have another look and try again. My letdown has always been mega fast (I'm a sprayer!) but she's been fine with it, can they suddenly decide its too much for them? I thought they got used to it as they got older.

She fed on the breast at 10pm, 3.40 and 8am, (all of these she was still half asleep for) so that's something and is encouraging me to keep going the way I am, but I know that the next time we have a screamy refusal I'll change my mind again.

Are you block feeding OP? This means that you always offer the same breast within a given feeding window and dont switch sides. That helped with my fast letdown?

I tried block feeding early on, bizarrely we got green poos this way, and then she seemed to get the hang of the letdown/oversupply at about 9weeks. I'm not convinced letdown is the issue as its usually more that I can't even persuade her to latch on, as soon as we get anywhere close the screaming starts.

I might just have to accept that at the moment I can only bf her in the middle of the night. I hope that continues for the moment as I can reconcile myself with that I think.

Is she teething? Have you tried bonjela or anbesol?

Is she getting distracted during the day and is more interested in other things?

DS went through a similar thing and it was a nightmare trying to get him to feed in the day. He was fine a night though.

I fed him somewhere quiet and boring (stairs) and just stuck with it and it passed.

vj, the chances are high you can return to bf, and you sound very motivated :)

You need urgently to protect your supply. Do all you know you have to do to increase your supply - expressing (because she refuses extra feeds), switch nursing when you can, and not allowing a bf to turn into a struggle.

All the other stuff about snuggling together and making the breast available (without forcing) is great, too.

Two bottles in 24 hours by the age of 12 weeks is not something most mothers can get away with, without it having a decreasing effect on supply, and this may have been what happened...but it can turn round :)

It definitely hasn't affected my supply, my hv looked shocked when I said I could express 10 oz at a time, although this is obv because she's feeding less, but I've always been able to manage at least 5oz an hour after any feed.

If it was distraction wouldn't that also stop her from taking a bottle?

I think it's the bottle thing but I still don't really understand why, as I said my letdown is almost instant, and very fast. I thought the argument was it happens because bottles are easier than breast, but I've seen mine going, (when she pulls off just after letdown) and I can't quite believe that a bottle is easier than that!

We still seem to be able to manage a bf if I get her on her way to waking up. Fx for improvement tomorrow.

She might prefer bottles because your supply is so crazy that it makes her uncomfortable. Eg taking down a lot of air etc? My ds went on strike at around 3-4 months - he had issues my letdown and would scream blue murder if I offered boob when he was awake. I ended up feeding at night or when he was drowsy after a nap. Then he came back to boob but took a long time.

The thing with a bottle is you can follow them with it, so they can still turn around and look at the world and feed at the same time. You obviously can't do that with the boobs!

I remember all my BFing mums had the distraction issues around this age. The world is far more interesting than feeding. A lot of babies started reverse cycling, which DS did for a while until I realised what was happening and made more effort with day feeds.

Good point re: bottle and distractions, hadn't thought of that. Maybe it is my crazy boobs as well then, I'll keep up all the feeds I can, express the rest, and see what happens.
I'm not even hugely worried about the health benefits, I reckon 4 months is pretty good going. I just like it (when it works!) dd isn't very cuddly so it's my only real chance to snuggle!

My DS isn't cuddly either and I love BFing for that. It's pretty much the only time he stays still!

This was definitely a challenging age with distraction. DS would go seven hours sometimes between feeds & me being stressed!! It passed though.

I found this info really useful when we introduced a bottle. We did a dream feed for months without a problem.

My 11 wk old did this a few weeks ago (although I'm ebf, no bottles yet). Screamed after a minute on breast, wouldn't go back on, etc. Other than to do with feeding, she was perfectly happy. I got through it by just following her lead and not forcing it. I figured she'd eat if hungry. Sometimes different positions would help - I had success feeding her standing up with her upright, kind of holding her dangling down from boob - killed my arms tho!

I still have no idea what was going on with her. My theories included reflux (or just an unsettled tummy), that she was tired but not particularly hungry and wanted to suck but not eat (I too have quite a forceful let down, although she'd previously coped with that), growth spurt, or a reaction to her 8 wk jabs. Anyway, it pretty much went away after a week. It was pretty grim at the time - nothing more upsetting than your baby screaming at your breast.

if it is something to do with your letdown have you looked on here kellymom.com