feeling a bit weird about this one

[timewastingaway]

Not sure where to begin really....

I FF my 1st DD from birth as really didn't have a clue about BF and was very misinformed about it all, was living abroad at the time
I FF my 2nd DD from 2nd feed as I couldn't get her to feed and felt v uncomfortable about it all, also same reasons as above.

I am still BF their brother who is nearly 19 months, he has never had formula.When I learnt more about BF and it became more normal for me to see it etc I decided I would try my best to EBF and luckily for me it worked.I love breastfeeding so much, I have surprised myself how much I have changed.

So SIL has had a baby a few days ago and no intention of BF.I didn't put any pressure on her but said how lovely it was, maybe try the 1st feed to see if it def wasn't for her as its not what you expect etc etc....
Baby was born and separated at birth due to problems with baby.SIL didn't see the baby for 11 hours after this.Baby on Antibiotics for 5 days and FF from the start.I just feel a tiny bit sad I guess that the baby has been poorly and BF would've been so good for it.

I know that this makes me a complete hypocrite! im not judging her but just think they are missing out and I guess I am worried about seeing her as it brings it all back to me that I was her once and I regret it so much.Not trying to BF my 1st DD and giving up so easily after that are my biggest regrets in life!

I am going to be staying with her at the weekend as she will be alone while her DP has to work.A bit of moral support really.I feel a bit anxious about this as it will be passing the baby around so everyone can feed it and it is going to bring it all back to me and I want to celebrate the new baby with her, not feel down about it.

I know some people will read this and think what the heck, don't be so stupid but its how I feel and wondered if someone had any advice or feelings on this really.I know it is all to do with my own issues and I know it is her choice to make as it was mine. so feeling sad is ridiculous as the baby is being fed and loved.

Maybe I just need help with my own issues over guilt and regret etc, not sure.

Quite honestly I think you need to let it go. Your children are healthy, loved and thriving? Then you've done a grand job however they were fed. Your sil is making her own choices and is doing what she considers best for her child. Just be supportive and stay off the topic unless she specifically asks for your pov.

In the nicest possible way I agree you are being pretty hypocritical and you need to really try and get over this before you see her. This is completely and entirely your issue and it would not be for on your SIL for her to feel awkward if she was to pick up on your feelings.

My advice would be for you to have along hard think, if you know you will be able to hide your feelings about this then great, however IMO if there is chance you cant and may possibly spoil this wonderful time for your SIL then I actually think you should stay away for the time being.

You may not know the full back story about her decisions and it isn't really your place to ask. If you like and otherwise respect your SIL then you are going to have to leave the topic well alone. The last thing that anyone with a new baby needs is to be made to feel bad about their choices (unless they are actually making dangerous choices for their baby, which your SIL is not).

In my experience, discussions about parenting choices often get heated, and I very often have to hide or minimise my opinions on certain topics when I realise I'm in a minority.

Really, feeding her baby is such a tiny part of the experience of becoming a new mum. Can't you just concentrate on her lovely gorgeous newborn, and offer her whatever support she needs?

Thanks for responses.There is no way I would say anything, I am a very sensitive person myself and I would've been devastated if anything had been said to me in the past.I know that it Is my issue completely and will keep it under wraps..I haven't mentioned it to anyone in real life and wouldn't, because they would think i'm nuts! It is something I need to let go, I have been trying for years but it just stays there.No idea how to get rid of the negative feelings

Yes - you need some help to get over your issues for your sake. It is completely understandable that you feel the way you do, but love, it's just life. Most of us regret one thing or another in life and want to try to help others not make the same 'mistakes'.

I have my god-daughter living with me at the moment, she's 23 and I do try to tell her why certain decisions in my life probably weren't the best ones to have made, why I made them and why I'd do it differently if I knew then what I know now - but I also admit that other older people probably told me the same but I wouldn't have listened It is hard to only say it once then shut up, but I'm working on it!!

Something this sensitive you really can't say anything (and you said you wouldn't anyway) and you will have to try to be extra aware of not saying things that might sound as if you think she's doing something wrong.

Your older ones are doing well - FF isn't the hell end of everything you know

How awful that your SIL didn't get to see her baby for 11 hours after birth. Even if she had wanted to bfed, that would have made things very tricky for her.
My DS was on antibiotics for 5 days after birth too, it was horrible. If you are going to feel sad, feel sad that your SIL's first experiences of her baby were so stressful. I felt like I'd missed my DS's birth in a way, because it was supposed to be a joyous occasion and it was worrying instead.

Please support her for that. Forget about the bfing, it is too late for that.

OP, you sound like a lovely person. Your SIL is lucky to have you in her life. Think you have rightly identified that this sadness is caused by your own regrets. Your feelings are perfectly normal and you do need to express them. I agree with other posters that you probably shouldn't do this in front of your SIL - she has been through a lot and needs your unstinting support.

Your story is actually quite inspiring for me - I'll be attempting to bf DC2 (due Nov) after mostly FF my DS. Tbh, I'm only considering it because DH wants me to (I feel much more happier bottle feeding!) Even so, I know how upset I've felt when well meaning friends have questioned me on my feeding choice, especially when they show that they pity me and DS. He's a robust little chap who's at least as healthy as their LOs!