Planned to BF DC1 for 6 months max but continued for over 1 year..planned to feed DC2 for over 1 year & now want to stop at 6 months. Advice/experience please.

[abigboydidit]

DS is 24 months and DD is 4 months. Though I enjoy BFing, rather than improving the bond between DD & I (as it did with DS), I am starting to feel I would enjoy it more if I had an end point in the near future. The reasons for wanting to stop are all very selfish. DD is a messy, fussy feeder (though not from a bottle, typically). DS never spilled a drop but I find my bra/top sodden with milk after every feed with DD (despite use of several muslins), which means that I am really limited in what I can wear (to hide it when out and about) & I spend a lot of my day feeling damp and uncomfortable. She also has to be fed before she gets hungry or will become inconsolable and impossible to latch on, to the point that I have to pretty much strip off, calm her down and then quickly pop her on. It's as if she can't wait for the letdown (this makes it sound like she has had lots of experience with bottles but has probably only ever had 3 or 4 as she went through a stage in the middle of refusing) I haven't described that very well actually! But it does cause stress when out and about as if we're delayed getting somewhere to feed when she starts showing signs then I will basically have to totally expose my boob while standing up and choogling her for her to feed. I will return to work when DD is 9 months old and need to leave the house at 7/7.15 am to get to work. With DS this was really hard, as I had to feed him first. With 2 DCs to look after, I feel again a bottle would just make mornings less stressful.

The final reason is probably the main one. I feel I am missing out on a lot of life with DS and DH through feeding. She can take a while to feed and I am stuck on the sofa while doing it. Also, because of the fussing I often wont go out with the kids unless I know absolutely where/how/when I can feed. In terms of places to go, I also avoid taking DS to places like the park/beach as if am feeding her I can't always be close enough to watch him safely. I feel that with a bottle, I would at least be able to walk and feed IYSWUM. We live in the countryside surrounded by lovely places I could be taking them and I don't plan to have any more children so I feel these last few months of maternity leave could just be so much fuller in terms of the quality of time I can spend with both DCs if I stopped BFing.

My reasons for not wanting to stop are guilt (as if am somehow not giving DD something I gave DS) & a fear I will regret the decision. Having 2 children so close together means that I am quite conscious that my body has not been my own for several years and I am sure this is a factor. I don't want to make a harsh decision, only to look back in 6 months time and think it was an opportunity missed..

Sorry - that was an epic tale! This is keeping me awake at nights though and I just feel so torn. Any thoughts would be appreciated.

It sounds almost as though you are asking for permission to stop and you really don't need to! You have some really good reasons for thinking bottles would be easier and I'm sure you know what you're talking about now you're on DC2.

Only thing I would point out - although I'm sure you know this anyway - is that once your dd is even a little bit older, she'll probably be quite different to feed... Less messy, better at waiting etc. So things won't always be this difficult even if you did continue to breastfeed. Only mention that in case you really did want to carry on but tbh from your OP it sounds like you've had enough and that's fine too. The DCs will not know or care if they differing amounts of your milk! My mum apparently fed my brother for longer than me as he was more clingy. I'm not all at annoyed about it :-)

OP, a happy mother is invaluable to children.

If you would feel calmer, more content, happier, feeding your dd from a bottle, then do it.

You don't have to completely stop bf your dd: you could drop a few feeds and replace those with formula (daytime?) so that you maintain a level of your own supply. If you fun yourself regretting the decision, you can then build up your supply again.

From what I can I get from your post, it seems that you're feeling 'guilty' because you are 'giving up' for 'selfish' reasons. Stop punishing yourself. I think it's much better to enjoy the time feeding your baby - however you choose to feed. Your DCs pick up on your mood.

Good luck with whatever you decide to do :)

What about mix feeding for now, if you're not sure? Then when you get to 6 months and start weaning her onto solid food you can reassess whether you want to keep some breast feeds or not.

As to treating them the same - you can't . There will always be times when circumstances mean that they can't have what their sibling did! I bf my first child for only 4 weeks, but bf my second for nearly two years. It's just one of those things.

I couldn't bf dd1 and was determined to with dd2. I managed 4 weeks but I just didn't like it. I loved the closeness with the baby, but my body - breasts in particular - felt so different; I couldn't play with dd1 as I wanted due to feeding dd2. I was so tired doing all the night feeds. Then I got a blocked duct which was so painful and she wouldn't take milk from that breast which then led to it becoming engorged ... It was better for us as a family to bottle feed, and I was much happier :)

Thank you. Yes - you're right about needing permission PenelopeChipShop. I just feel so torn as I honestly think bottle feeding would really help my mood/body image issues and I would hope that happy me = happy baby. The few times I have bottle fed her, I have felt as close to her as when BFing, so I don't think that part would be an issue. I just feel so guilty that am stopping doing something that I know is good for her!

I could've written this post three months ago! BF DS until he was 15 months and have felt really guilty about stopping any earlier with DD. But at 7 months with DD I have been really struggling with feeling 'tied' to DD and never being able to leave her and have some time off. And after over 3 continuous years of being pregnant and/or breastfeeding I want my life back and be able to wear some nice clothes!

DD refused a bottle at first so I expressed milk and just let her play with the bottle until she realised that there was milk in there. Once she had worked out how to use the bottle I offered expressed breast milk after solids at lunch. Once she would take that i upped bottle feeds to two a day, then three. I then started to dilute the expressed milk with formula. I did this over three days and by the end of the third day she has been having a 4 bottles a day of formula.

I'm still feeding during the night and first thing as I'm not quite ready to give up (although the night feeds are the next thing I tackle). It has taken a lot of determination on my part to do this but I do feel better. I am still giving DD almost all of her bottles but just the knowledge that I can leave her has taken a lot of pressure off.

Good luck with whatever you decide!

Thanks bouncychair. She does happily take a bottle but I really dislike expressing and have decided I definitely don't want to go down that route as I just can't fit in giving her a bottle and expressing for the next one with a toddler on my hands. She doesn't feed overnight and takes 5 feeds during the day. That sounds really regimented when I write it down but is just the pattern we seem to have fallen into. And I completely agree re clothes. Going to a wedding this weekend and feel my outfit is dowdy and frumpy but I need easy boob access and something that wont show the inevitable wet patches she will leave behind on my bra..

OP, just a thought, but giving a bottle and all of the sterilising and washing up that goes along with it will take away from the time you have with your DS and DD.

Do you have a sling? If you do, maybe you could learn to bf whilst keeping your DD in it so you have your hands free to play with DS?

Good luck with whatever decision you make.

Thanks. Yes I have to admit I have no clue what is involved in FF. We have a sling but DD hates feeding in it! Typical

How do you use muslins when feeding? I tuck one over the top of my bra cup on the side I'm feeding so it is completely covered by muslin. If I don't, my bra ends up wet. Is she managing to soak through a muslin to get your clothes wet?

I feel the same! I bf ds till 15m n only stopped because he self weaned when I was pg. dd is 8m and I've had enough! It's the night feeds and the comfort sucking that are annoying me. We're working on her sleep with ncss techniques and its improving. I think what doesn't help for me is that I know how easy ff can by when babies are older- with ds, once he stopped bf, I Pre made up bottles and kept them in a cool bag and just handed them to him when he wanted. And breaking the bottle/ sleep association wasn't too difficult and he than sleeping through. I'm just tired o being a mum and always putting myself second both futon the day and the night! Sorry I don't have much advice but an watching with interest.

To throw a curve ball, could she be tongue tied? The messy feeding and leaky boobs make me wonder.

I'm feeding dc2 and the days of sitting down just feeding for hours were few and far between. Feeding is quite functionally, not so bonding. I didn't have the option of formula as made her sick but I'd have done it if I did.

It does get better from 6 months or so once solids kick in - I think many people get fed up in the run up, but with two DC you feel like you're missing out on more.

Thanks everyone. She had a tongue tie (as did DS) but it was snipped. I tuck a muslin in over the folded down part of the nursing bra but she does soak right through. To be honest the distractibility is getting worse, rather than better! I do remember with DS though that the feeds got shorter as he got older but he was always pretty focused!

To be honest am just feeling trapped and low and Mumsy and fed up of restricting my clothes to things I can feed discretely in & tired of getting my boob out in public. But then again I know they are little for such a short time.. I guess having 2 so close together may mean that the novelty has worn off, so to speak. With DS I had no option but to keep feeding as he had a CMP allergy and was a bottle refuser. I'm wondering if mixed feeding could be a good starting point (thanks for the suggestion) but have to be honest in that I have no idea how that works or how to maintain supply.

I too am not loving bf as much second time around. DD1 is 2.2 and DD3 3 months so I have a slightly bigger gap but only stopped bf for 6 months in between babies.

Im going to get to 6 months I've decided and then am considering mix feeding for a while. I would also like to stop before I go back to work but I'll cross that bridge nearer the time. It got to the stage i bought the formula but it then took me 2 days to offer the bottle (rejected) and i had to throw the rest out because i didn't make up another one in time. Once id done this and i made the decision & i found myself happier to carry on.

On a practical note - rope in friends and family to go to the park with you. Its daunting by yourself worrying about the toddler leaping off the slide.

I take a sling if DD2 whinges in the pram although tend to time feeds around park trips so haven't fed in it. We do a lot of toddler groups as they are easier.

Its flying by this time round and weaning will be upon us but whatever you decide you have done great and as long as you feed your baby age appropriate milk you will continue to do so. (I stole the age appropriate thing from another post but I like it)

As I understand it for proper mix feeding you replace the breast feeds you want gone with formula and continue with the other feeds. Your supply will adapt- like when you feed an older baby.

Also I use reusable breast pads to contain the milk and have found a lovely dress for a wedding on the Joe browns website.

www.joebrowns.co.uk/sp+Womens-Dresses-Tunics-50s-Garden-Party-Dress+LD448 I also like the pear dress on the same page.

OP it must be hard with 2. I feel like I have said good bye to my pre-mum clothes and I only have one. Getting dressed in the AM means wearing whatever is on the floor, which gets worn for several days, unless something catastrophic happens in the day.

Stopping BF wouldn't put an end to that for me. One day, it won't be so intense. I want to know that I got all of the cuddles that I could when I did. I can call on my memories when I am old and grey and I may not see my DS on a daily basis.