I am ready to stop, I think, unlike DS

[k2togm1]

I am actually fed up of bfing, or rather, of ds to bfing every f*ing moment I am with him. He is 2.4.
A bit of background:
I fancied myself a natural kind of mama, planned a home birth but ended up massively overdue/ induction/ baby stuck/ emc/ pph/ jaundice/ anaemia/ milk didn

Oops sent by mistake.
Anyway, masses of problems bfing and also PTSD and pnd.
For the first year the only thing that I had planed and actually got to do was bf. it was the only thing that made feel like a mother and not an utter failure, so I have loaded bfing with a lot of extra meaning.
I wanted ds to self wean, but the bugger really loves bfing and won't stop of his own accord. I've done don't offer don't refuse for about a year, to no avail.
Dh looks after him four days a week when I am at work and he is a completely different child with him, independent, active and eats well. With me he barely eats and would love to spend the day lounging on the sofa watching train videos while bfing...
I am bored, I don't want to bf all day. I don't mind bfing to sleep and first thing am, but all day is getting to me.
Now the question is how?

Thanks for reading such a long post!

Okay, before I answer I'm going to tell you that I have a 2.1 year-old who is also still bfing. Mine only gets a nip morning and evening but, like you, I'm very ready to make him go cold turkey. He may not be done with bfing, but I am and I feel I've really done my duty.

So to you - I think, in your position, I'd just say no. If he's thirsty, offer him milk, juice or water in a cup or bottle, but at this stage you're going to have to be firm and put up with a bit of screaming. If any particular time of day or activity (watching TV, for instance), encourages him, just do something different at that time of day. Go for a walk, visit a friend, go to the library, anything to distract him. Don't sit snuggled up on the sofa with him and if you do, just say no and offer the alternate drink.

As for me, I'm determined to start taking my own advice. I bought some organic, whole milk today and at bedtime DS2 is going to be offered some in a bottle. Mama is done!

Oh juneau can you send this way some of your determination?
Are you going to go completely cold turkey?
I really would mind (and would also like) to keep feeds around bed (just at night, ds doesn't nap anymore).

I have always found that if I just get on with an issue it always resolves itself. I spend weeks and tons of energy analysing something, then say "f@&k it. Today!" And I manage to sort it. I think it's because I've accepted the issue and then can move past it.

So, mentally be sure you want to stop. Then just do it. Trust yourself. Trust your boy. What's the worst that can happen? You just wind back a little then push forwards again. You have 2.5yrs experience now. Believe it. Your a good and practised mum. Wishing you both well.

One thing I will say, which I remember from this last little bit of weaning DS1 is that it's painful to say 'no' for the first week, but they soon forget. DS1 was 21 months when I finally finished bfing him and within literally a couple of weeks of stopping he never asked again - I was amazed as I'd been expecting a big battle over it and it never happened.

As for DS2, I'm going to try distraction and changing our routine a bit as that really worked with DS1. And it doesn't have to be for long - just until that association with the activity and bfing has been broken.

Hello, my dd stopped bf of her own accord at 2.6 months. We were staying at my in laws for a few months while waiting to move house and I think she was just distracted.

Bf has obviously been very important to you for many reasons - I would recommend a gentle approach if you can to avoid you areas getting upset. Have you tries distraction during the day? Have you tried telling him that bf is only in the mornings and at night? Would he understand this? I would just say no in the daytime and try to distract him if he persists and offer him an alternative drink. In the morning and evening offer him the breast and hopefully he will soon get the message that this is the only time that bf is allowed.

Lots of typos sorry

Thank you very much for all the support.
He can def understand everything, so I am going to be very brave and explain that from now on bfing is only to sleep and wake up.
Sorry cant check names as on phone but everyone is right, I need to really decide and be happy with my decision.
What's the worst that can happen? I keep imagining that I'll make
him into a breast-obsessed guy who remembers (consciously or unconsciously) being denied his biggest source of comfort!

He won't remember but to avoid lots of hysterics I would avoid going cold turkey - I know lots of people may disagree and say just to go for it, but if he is feeding lots it seems a bit unfair to go from lots to nothing. Plus you could end up engorged too and very uncomfortable.

Try speaking to him and be consistent. It's hard

Def! I admire people who go cold turkey (how is it going juneau?) but it would be good for us, he understands but is also very very determined!

*wouldnt.

Get out of the house as much as possible, and don't ever sit down on the sofa (or anywhere else you usually feed)! Dd was always far keener on milk if at home and bored, she'd forget all about it out at the park/soft play/toddler groups.

My dd is 2.2 and now down to morning and evening feeds, but this has kind of happened naturally as I'm pg with dc2 and the milk supply has greatly reduced - so if you get desperate.......!

Well I am writing this while on the sofa watching train vids and, yes you guessed it...
BUT there was no feed during the morning and this being my day off that is a triumph, plus ds had a fall and hurt his lip quite a bit and needed consoling, hence this lapse.
I can clearly imagine tandem feeding, not the route I want to take! But it's true lots of toddlers stop bfing due to pregnancies.
Tomorrow I work all day, so we'll see.

Good progress! And the consolation feed is only natural as bf has been his source of comfort for so long.

Thank you harverina!
It's strange how just a few weeks ago the thought of stopping would really pain me, whilst now the prospect of our new relationship sans-bf excites me!

I had to go cold turkey in the end. He was only 1.3 months but kept biting, woke every hour for a feed and I was beginning to feel v resentful.

For two weeks he was v miserable, poor boy (although I was so badly wounded by this stage I found it relatively easy to resist him). Then he finally gave in to having milk from a cup and everything was suddenly so happy in our household. It improved our relationship no end.

I hope you have an easier time of it. Offering distracting snacks and a whole variety of drinks in different cups helped, as did cuddling him whilst I gave them to him so he didn't feel utterly bereft. Make time for extra stories etc so he doesn't feel like he's losing you.

I too went cold turkey. DD at 2.3 was as you describe your DS, plus frequent night feeds. I needed her to sleep better, eat better (she was barely touching solids) and I wanted a hug from her not an automatic "sprawl across lap and reach for boob"!

I just told her one day that there would be no more boobie. I was gobsmacked at how well she took it, barely mentioned it again. I didn't have any engorgement issues either. Bedtime was a slight issue as she had to learn to self settle but it only took a couple of weeks.

I am bfing DS now but this time I will be much more confident about stopping when I feel the time is right for both of us. I reckon between 18months and 2 I will aim to stop.

Ouch that sounds tough violet!
And sounds amazing countess perhaps sometimes they need just a little nudge...

Well, I am trying a very gentle approach, but don't yet rule out having to get tough in the end.
Yesterday there was no bf until 6.30pm, from 8.30 am, which is amazing for us. Today I am trying distraction and we also allow no tv during the day, so there is no excuse to go on the sofa. He very insistently demanded boobie at 11am but we sat on a chair and he got bored pretty quickly. I'll be at work all pm so that'll be easy.
It's all looking good!

Oh well done k2! It's hard work, I forgot to say I had to avoid the sofa for a couple of weeks... and actually think of activities to do instead!

Good luck

Just popped in to say you sound like you're doing well. I, meanwhile, have failed utterly! Must be more organised with his bottle at bedtime. He really doesn't have much BM anyway, but I really want to just be done with it! As for the morning, he's more insistent, but I'll tackle that one when I've banished the evening one. Might just have to put up with some yelling I think i.e. take my own advice!

Oh juneau! It's a difficult stance to take, and so easy to bf!! I know I am not strong enough to go cold turkey, or organised either!
Hopefully doing one by one will work better for you.
We are doing one bf during the day, instead of the million before, and for the last couple of days he hasn't asked as soon as I walk through the door. It's as if he knew, although I haven't actually said anything to him!