Feeling so emotional at prospect of stopping bf - really confused

[ladypop]

After getting off to a great start with bf, baby started fussing/refusing right breast at 10 days. Then went on to do the same on the other side at 3 weeks. He is now 7 weeks old. To summarise:
it doesn't happen at every feed - some feeds are smooth bit some are a nightmare with crying/fussing and generally refusing to nurse.
Have seen bf councillor several times for positioning etc. she diagnosed tongue tie, had this snipped - no improvement.
Thought it might be silent reflux, but it is very sporadic and when I have given him a bottle out of desperation (formula) he has loved it with no issues - surely if it were reflux it would happen with bottle, if not more so?
I thought it might be something in my diet that he doesn't like the taste of and was planning to start a food diary. However, when he wouldn't feed off me this morning and I ended up giving him formula I expressed immediately afterwards and gave him that milk at his next feed..... Swallowed the lot with no complaints! So it can't be that otherwise he would have refused it out of the bottle.
I also thought it might be forceful letdown, so I tried taking him off at letdown to stop the flow and putting him back on afterwards - for 6 feeds out of 7 yesterday he fed well, but from then on and all day today it has been a nightmare whether I do that or not.
I have seriously run out of ideas! I breastfed our DS1 exclusively for 4 months so was all set on doing the same, so certainly don't feel like I am baling out without a fight but feel at a loss as to what to do next.
Part of my motivation for switching to the bottle is for the sake my other son who is 3. He is currently having to sit through the crying and general upset several times a day and it is simply not fair on him. It is making me more snappy with him too as I am understandably unhappy when a feed doesn't go well.
I know many may suggest that I express and bottle feed baby this milk, bit tbh the extra time taken to do this on top of feeding will again be unfair on my eldest who i feel is already being sidelined because of the new arrival and i can't face trying to express that much bloody milk!
If I do switch over, is there any point in giving him, say 1 bottle of expressed milk a day (which I could face doing) mainly for the health benefits?
Really feel at a cross roads and keep swinging one way then the other bit can't see any light at the end of the tunnel.

Get the tongue tie reassessed we had to have ours cut 4 times till the tongue was free and it hasn't reattached.

You have done amazing! And there always is a point hun whatever you give him is helping him grow! and that is great. but i would keep going alittle longer because things may improve hun xx but do whatever u can x

You have tried far more than most people would!

Any bm he gets will absolutely be a benefit to him, but bear in mind that it will be very hard to maintain supply for long if you are "only" expressing once a day (or one feed a day, which might take multiple expressing sessions). Phasing out bf in that way though would sound like the best of both worlds for you all, if you can manage it.

That said, since there isn't anything wrong with his sucking (or he wouldn't like a bottle either) or reflux, and definitely nothing wrong with your production, it does sound like a "docking" issue that would be worth closer expert investigation.

Bottle feeding is a faff, though, so in terms of making life easier for DS1 it would only be better than the current situation, not if you can get it fixed IYSWIM.

Have you tried different positions? When Dd1 was fussing at the breast she much preferred feeding lying down.

I second different positions. Perhaps he doesn't feel comfortable in that particular position, or not enough of the breast is going in?

www.breastfeedingmadesimple.com has a few diagrams to show which I've been working on. My little one has had a few of these problems, but it's just she usually doesn't get enough from the breast.

I also think getting the tongue tie reassessed may be an idea. Sometimes it doesn't completely get corrected the first time. Also lip tie can take place if the lip is stuck to the top of the gummy area. Get all avenues checked if you want to continue breastfeeding.

It would definitely be beneficial for your baby to have some expressed breast milk BUT the problem with expressing only once a day is you'll find in most cases within a few days/weeks your supply will dwindle, as you aren't demanding as much. Perhaps do it once in the morning and once at night, or wear breast pads and massage your breasts a little ever few hours in the bathroom/somewhere private if out and about to get a little milk out to continue your supply.

Thanks for replies! If it was a tounge/lip tie issues still surely it would be happening at every feed? The behaviour is intermittent and a few feeds can be really smooth and then it all goes downhill at the next!? Didn't know that about expressing. Am going to speak to bf councillor who performed tounge procedure about it anyway and push to see her again to get everything checked. Although, at the moment I am alternating feeds (bottle-breast-bottle etc) and I am enjoying it so even if I could sustain that I would be v happy

I found DD1 fussed more when she wasn't really hungry. At first this was a shock - as in: the baby is crying and doesn't want a feed - WTF do I do??

My DS had TT but it didn't affect his feeding too much thankfully. What I did notice was that he often wanted to suck to get to sleep, but as the inefficient sucking had caused a bit of an over-supply, if he was comfort-sucking & the milk flowed, he would pull off & thrash about, & it was much like bramshott wrote!

TT & lip tie can also cause wind issues. Have you tried winding more? If he's full of wind, he could want to comfort suck but not want milk, or literally not have room for the milk in his tummy.

Also, perhaps now he is feeding more efficiently since the TT was cut, he doesn't need as many/as frequent feeds?

Just a few thoughts/ideas...