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Infant feeding

Get advice and support with infant feeding from other users here.

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Original poster

Weaning DD off bf, gradually or once and for all?

16 replies

Booboostoo · 28/05/2013 23:15

DD is 2yo and still bfs what I consider a lot, i.e. about 6 times a day (and countless times at night) each 'session' lasting from a few minutes to up to 40 minutes and she often returns after a half hour for another try. I understand she does this partly for comfort (she was a high needs baby and now seems to be a high needs toddler) but I can't take this much bf anymore. I don't offer but I don't think I can do 'don't refuse' anymore.

For the past two weeks I have tried to make the bf day sessions more contained, i.e. she drinks from both breasts well and then it's finished, and I have worked her gradually down to 4 sessions a day. At night I leave her to sleep alone for the first part so she goes for about 5 hours with no bf and then I go to her when she cries, she bfs once, sleeps another 3 hours and then a big bf towards the morning. All this is good and I am very pleased with the progress.

However, her behaviour has changed a bit. She has one big cry over my refusal to let her bf at least once a day, but I can live with that, I just try to distact her, offer alternatives and wait it out. The bigger problem is that she has become quite angry at my, she hits me a lot and today she bit me so hard she broke skin through my jumper and top!

DP says I should just go away for a week and stop bf altogether. I don't actually want to stop, it would be fine by me to continue but just a bit more contained rather than all the time. I also don't think DD would be very happy to stop completely, but am I being wrong? Am I making things worse by gradually cutting down? Is this like pulling a plaster, is it better to do it in one go?

OP posts:

JiltedJohnsJulie · 28/05/2013 23:32

Haven't got much advice just and sympathy. Just wanted to say that Dhs idea doesn't seem like a good one to me, if she is that high needs then being separated from you could make her more anxious than ever.

Have you tried only feeding in one place in the day and then just never sitting there?

noblegiraffe · 28/05/2013 23:49

Is it confusing, to sometimes feed her and sometimes not? Cutting out daytime feeds altogether might be the easiest start, so maybe keep morning and evening and do it in your or her bed. Then in the day, try to get out of the house lots so the opportunity doesn't arise (assuming you don't feed out of the house), until she gets out of the habit of daytime feeds.

Midori1999 · 29/05/2013 01:12

I Agree that going away could make her more anxious and she could also still want to BF when you get back anyway. I was recently in hospital for 5 days, when I didn't BF at all and when I got home the first thing my DD wanted was to BF. I also no longer have any milk due to pregnancy, so it suprised me a bit.

Does she still feed as often if you're out during the day or keep busy? Can you try keeping a very busy schedule to occupy her in other ways? Does distraction work? Would she accept a snack or drink instead of a breastfeed? Or to read a book or something? Sorry of you've already tried these.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 29/05/2013 08:10

Thank you everyone.

I used to feed everywhere and on demand but now I try to feed her only on the bed, but she just runs to the bed all the time!! Being busy works brilliantly but with the awful weather we are very limited here and end up moping at home too long, hopefully things will get better when the sun reappears.

OP posts:

noblegiraffe · 29/05/2013 08:22

How is her comprehension? Can you tell her that milk is only for bedtime now? Then if she runs to the bed you can say 'it's not bedtime yet!', in which case you're not refusing a bf, just postponing it. A clearly defined time and place when she will get her bf will help I think, as she will then know why you're refusing at other times and come not to expect it.

TanteRose · 29/05/2013 08:26

my DS was total boob monster around his 2nd birthday - I could NEVER sit down, or he was on me! So I just never sat down for a while

it was a phase and he calmed down after a few weeks and we went on to feed until his third birthday, gradually cutting down to just one feed at bedtime.

If you can hang on for a bit longer, she may calm down a bit and not ask quite so much

JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/05/2013 08:29

nobles last post worked for my DS, after s short while he was fine with "we do that at bedtime, not now" and a bit of distraction. Just don't ask me about dd!

Original poster

Booboostoo · 29/05/2013 09:38

I think she understands quite a lot, so she will ask for bf and I will say not now at bedtime, so she takes herself off to bed (it's too early though and she won't actually sleep, just bf and get up!!).

That's very interesting TanteRose, it's her birthday tomorrow so maybe there some stupid growth spurt or regression happening (there are so many I have lost track!). About a month ago she started being picky about solids, before she would eat most things, now she refuses all meats, but I keep offering and hoping she'll get over that.

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JiltedJohnsJulie · 29/05/2013 21:25

Hope you both have a lovely day tomorrow

Trying2bMindful · 29/05/2013 22:08

Nothing to add but a big hug and . Hopefully it's just a phase & she will calm down in a few weeks. If she is high needs she can probably sense you trying to (what she sees) withdraw from her & perhaps that is feeding her anxiety too? Sounds like the sunshine will help when you can be out n about & only bf in the bedroom morning & evening.
Bring on the sunshine!!!

Original poster

Booboostoo · 30/05/2013 14:25

Thank you Jilted, it's going OKish (tearful morning but now OK and we're managing to do 3 bf sessions a day all of them in bed so hopefully that will help).

Thank you Trying. I am a bit that she is a high needs toddler, I didn't even know that existed! First I thought that if you do your best to look after a baby in the first few months they are happy and independent, then I learnt (the hard way) about high needs babies but I assumed they grow out of it...nope, at least not quite yet! She is lovely and I love her very much, but she is also very hard work!

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Trying2bMindful · 02/06/2013 01:13

Hope you are going ok xxx

Original poster

Booboostoo · 02/06/2013 08:43

It's not toooooooooo bad. We're settling into 3 feeds a day, all of them in bed (I think bfing in only one place helps a lot, thank you for the suggestion everyone!). Yesterday we didn't have a single meltdown and even when she fell down and cried she only asked for cuddles and kisses, no bf!

Today we have her 2nd birthday party, so there may be more tears, we shall see!

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 02/06/2013 22:47

Watching with interest. 21 month old DS was also a high needs baby and is now a little, um, highly strung! We'd cut feeds to twice a day but they've snuck up again recently. I'd live to get to one feed a day but have no idea how.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 02/06/2013 23:14

Think that one depends on the child. We cut out the morning feed by DH just taking tem downstairs and gimp ing them breakfast, but then he's an early waker.

Original poster

Booboostoo · 03/06/2013 21:26

It's going well, although I have had to distract her from the boob with TV bribes! I suppose you can't win all the battles at once! The last two days she has not cried at all although she is more physical with me and does hit me when she is frustrated now (which I assume is related to the boob reduction programme!).

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