I'm 35wks pg with DC2 and have just had to rush out of an antenatal class overwhelmed by emotion. This was the local 3 hour NHS-run session and they showed a video of a home birth diary ending with the mother latching her new baby on to bf.
I had a rotten experience bf'ing DS last time: my milk didn't come in with any kind of rush (and not a lot of it it seemed), despite being told the latch was good by all the various HCPs who witnessed it, he ended up in SCBU after loosing too much weight by day 5, he was tube-fed then bottle-supplemented when we went home on day 8, with the bottle feeds gradually taking over from the bf'ing until I threw in the towel at week 10. I accessed the support available to me locally through initially the midwifery team, the hospital LC clinic and then the local peer supporters.
I thought I was fine, in my most logical moments I'm completely ambivalent about whether I bf or ff, my desire is to give it a go this time and see how it goes. I'm realistic about the "work" I'm willing to put in - if I can't get my supply going properly without pumping between feeds I'm (rationally) happy with DC2 being bottle fed from an early stage. But irrationally, emotionally, this is already hitting me much harder than I expected: when I'm full of hormones and sleep deprived in the newborn fog I hate to think how much worse it will be.
I think what I'm looking for is a route to RL advice on how best to deal with recognising if supplementing is necessary in the first few days to avoid a repeat of the hospital visit, and even if it's possible to get someone to take a view on whether my anatomy could actually do this: I had breast implants 5 years prior to falling pg for the first time, after having a completely flat chest, and I've notived very limited change/growth in my breasts during both pregnancies. I read widely last time and feel I can acknowledge the choices I made last time (eg to not pump as much as recommended once DH returned to work as it was hard to spend that much more time on the sofa on top of trying to bf without another adult around to attend to DS: DS was a sucky baby but wouldn't take my nipple - he was happy with a finger and eventually a dummy so I couldn't kill two birds with one stone).
Because I'm not willing to bf at any cost, I'm nervous about being judged (and judging myself) for this: those I have met from the local peer support team have been lovely but also often overcame huge obstacles to successfully bf themselves. I don't want to ask my midwife because I was warned off the other local support groups for this reason last time (and besides don't want a repeat visit the very brisk lady they send to give you a talking to if you're having issues).
Sorry, this is long, I didn't want to drip feed and it's actually therapeutic to put all this down.