Are boys hungrier?

[kwt]

Feel like such an epic failure.

I thought I knew what to do after 2dds, but I feel completely defeated. He cries constantly, especially after 4am. I feed him on demand and he pops off when he's had enough, but often he doesn't even take both sides despite my best attempts at trying to keep him awake, he just refuses to go on feeding. Sometimes during the daytime he can go 3 hours between feeds - why not at night? He's 3.5 weeks old.

I'm not spending much time with the older ones, end up going to bed at 9 pm (but really what's the use, he's awake an hour later), hardly see my husband as he's back at work now. I do have lots of help, but it doesn't stop me from feeling like he hates me, or that I'm doing something wrong.

You ask a question, "Sometimes during the daytime he can go 3 hours between feeds - why not at night?" and then you answer it :) "He's 3.5 weeks old"

This is normal newborn behaviour - very few newborns have a consistent and predictable feeding routine. They need food, for sure, and they also need comfort, contact and closeness (less than a month ago your baby was inside you - the world is still new to him). He loves you and wants to be near you - you are not doing anything wrong in responding to that by feeding/holding/staying close to him, which builds his trust and confidence in you and his (new) world.

It's hard, it's tiring, and yes, you need help. But going with the flow is easier than wondering if you are doing something wrong :(

A call to any of the bf helplines will help you, I think.

This has got not much to do with boys/girls and hunger, really - both boys and girls have the same needs you describe.

My son can last 4 hours between feeds at night sometimes he wakes up earlier because he wants a cuddle, or to sleep in the big bed or on me. He'll go back in his crib after his next feed. He's almost 5 months old.

Poor you, you sound exhausted! I remember thinking 'this is the third baby it should be a breeze-why an I not better at this?' But looking back of course it's just really really hard. Would you let the baby stay in your bed - I'm not really long term a co sleeper as I need my space! But when my really little babes wouldn't sleep and I let them nestle in it was like magic - they were soothed and I got a bit more rest. With the third I did this quite a bit as I was more relaxed-go-with-the-flow sort of thing. maybe would help with the last bit of the night (unless obviously you've already tried this!)

Thanks mama onion :)
He does come into bed with me out of desperation, and it often turns into one long feed, which I don't want to be long term either! Unfortunately it doesn't help, he just seems to be upset with something, I'm not sure what.
At least I know it does eventually get better.

I forgot to say in my earlier message but when my son was 4 weeks old he would last 2 hours between feeds on a good night. He also spent most nights asleep on me. He's usually in his crib now.